Bump. I have an extended family member of unspecified relation going through a divorce now. I’ll call her Frances. Her soon-to-be-ex-hubby has finally moved his ass out of their house after considerable seemingly deliberate delays on his part, and he’s also apparently stalling on actually finalizing the divorce agreement. As part of the draft agreement, STBEH got the bedroom set, and he took it with him when he moved out. Frances does not want to contest that. She works in a low-paying but honorable line of work, and between her and STBEH, they had an above average number of kids, and she’s not sure exactly how she’ll care for them. I’m not exactly where exactly she lies in the space surrounding being totally unable afford a bed at all, and being able afford a bed but not wanting to because she’s nervous about “splurging” and then having difficulty caring for her kids if something unexpected arises, but she’s not in a place where she can comfortably afford a bed in the near term. So, she’s sleeping on the floor for now.
I’d like to buy Frances a bed. She needs and deserves one. Is there shit I have to worry about, like, the bed I buy her getting sawed in half and STBEH getting a chunk because the divorce isn’t finalized and won’t be for perhaps weeks or months, even though that fucker already got the bed he and Frances had shared? Are there stupid tricks that can be used to prevent that? I’d really rather not have Frances sleep on the floor for weeks or months before STBEH comes around to finalizing everything.
Yeah, it’s an obvious way to try a workaround, but I have no idea if shenanigans like this get loled at by divorce court judges. Like, there’s no way I would be the first person to try something like this, right? So, I’m checking to see if anyone here knows the precedent.
Could also consider just getting her a mattress to use and then give her the bed after everything is done. Less at risk that way. Personally mattress on the floor is just as good as mattress on bed for me, but maybe I’m weird like that.
I am quite thankfully inexperienced on the subject, but not knowing exactly how much to make of the horror stories you hear from various sources, my impression is yes, fighting over goods worth at most a few thousand on the secondary market is an agonizing part of the divorce process.
This is a good idea for a baseline. I had been thinking a full proper bed, but really, just a mattress on the floor, or a mattress in the most basic of unadorned frames is the minimum viable outcome here, and that would be much less of a potential contribution to “marital property” than a full bed. Just a good mattress on the floor, sheets, and a blanket is enough for some good nights’ sleep for a few weeks or months, and then we could finish the job with a decent looking frame and such once everything is finalized. And if STBEH wants to go to war over a few hundred bucks of mattress, I’d be happy to throw those benjis in his face carelessly.
What if you lend her the money to buy a bed, complete with some signed document, and then when it’s all over you forgive the loan? And hey if you whisper that in her ear at the beginning so she doesn’t have to worry about it, who needs to know?
This way if he tries to contest the bed, what he’s really doing is trying to assume half the debt.
(Obviously IANAL, and consulting with one of the forum’s lawyers on this one seems wise.)
IANAL, but I believe personal gifts are usually excluded from marital assets. In addition, I’d find it difficult to believe that a gift of a bed after a marital separation (accompanied by receipts and a letter from the purchaser) would still be considered a marital asset by the presiding judge or master.
This has to be a better course of action that writing up a phony “loan” document.
I feel like @WichitaDM probably has some insight on this question, I know his practice was mostly bankruptcy, but I feel like there have to be some bankruptcy cases that overlap with divorces and this seems like a basic question about divorce law. Wichita, the original question is from MrWookie here: The Divorce Thread - #114 by MrWookie
Divorce is not my area of expertise but in Oklahoma at least property you receive as a gift or inheritance is not marital property it is considered seperate property. Even if this is not the law of the land where they live property division in divorce typical is required to be equitable. So them both getting a bedroom set would likely be the ruling if this actually needed to be argued about at all.
Disclaimer: I am not allowed to give specific legal advice in any states besides Oklahoma so the abovw represents my general understanding of the law rather than advice specific to her case. She should seek representation in her jurisdiction.
I don’t have a lot of experience either but from what I have seen an ugly divorce will be petty beyond your wildest imagination. If one or both parties feels aggrieved then it is a completely irrationally process.
It sounds like there are kids of the marriage. That is the normal nasty battle ground. If she hasn’t already I strongly recommend getting competent representation if he is likely to dispute custody. Getting everything right on that the first time around will save a lot of heartache, stress and possibly money as modifying divorce decrees after the fact can be difficult and expensive.
She does have a lawyer, and mercifully, the stuff STBEH is being a jerk about doesn’t involve the kids. That could change, of course, but he seems more focused on having enough time for himself rather than on maximizing his time with the kids. But he is being petty about misc. stuff they have.
Sounds like he just wants to be hurtful on the way out. Which obviously sucks, but it’s also a sign that a divorce is absolutely the right way to go even though it is a painful transition.
Are you planning on surprising her with it or is this something you can just have her ask her lawyer real quick next time they communicate? (It’s not going to turn into a $100 question, is it?)
Thanks. My situation is a little unique. Due to illness, my spouse is fine 95% of the time and totally not fine the other 5%, and it’s so bad during the 5% that marriage is basically impossible. So I don’t have like a long list of resentments, I’m just sad, but totally at peace with the marriage ending.