man I had forgotten about this, good lord that guy
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Same here.
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Real shocker that Mr Spineless likes authoritarians.
Reading that thread my main thought was he married above his looks: Insecurity from all angles.
Words cannot express what a terrible choice it is to marry someone who probably shouldn’t marry you. Getting in above market is not an accomplishment, it’s a recipe for a bad marriage.
No one would ever think this of you.
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Technically an annulment, not a divorce, but I think of this non-OOT thread:
First post says: There have been some ups and downs - like the time I was on Judge Joe Brown (as a plaintiff), or the time my wife and I got an annulment because she was a prostitute.
A later post says:
One last side note to this story: When I met Erin, she was curvy at about 175. But really wore her curves well. When she left for Boston, she was in the neighborhood of 315. And a prostitute.
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This would rattle me bigly. Like Bush sings in one of their 90s hits, it’s the little things that kill.
Correct, manbearpig and manbearpuig were not the same person, the former never posted in SE afaik.
Yea i mean long story short, I let a lot of things go when kids were younger and not going to school and stuff, the marriage counseling we went through coincided with our youngest finally getting into school, i thought things would change, she acted like they would, they didnt. I thought I could live with it and other things, turns out I can’t.
If you get to a point where you’re stressed out about the whole thing, there is no shame in having counsel take care of all communication for you. I would even consider doing this preemptively.
I cannot stress this (heh) enough. There is an enormous value to you being able to focus on what matters to you as you build a new life. The lawyer can simplify your role in the divorce so that aside from a more substantial initial conversation, all you need to provide afterward are “yes/no” answers to finalize the process.
When the manbearpig thing happened I was a pretty heavy pill addict and did a super deep dive on that whole situation. @suzzer99 remember that?
Yeah we got a little obsessive. Found him and could have doxxed the golf pro lol.
It’s terrifying how much you can very quickly find out about someone through their FB friends and public posts. Even if you keep that stuff private, your friends don’t always. So you can still learn a ton from the web of friends around a person.
I used those skills one more time when the kid I had in my life found some boy on chat roulette that she liked but they got cut off (in the super early days before it was nothing but dicks - although I’m sure she saw some). I did some digging with the little info she had - first name, on the surf team at newport high - and finally found the guy. Turns out he was a junior in college claiming to be a junior in HS - hitting on 16-year-olds on chat roulette.
I made a fake facebook account, sent him a list of all his friends on FB, and told him if he didn’t knock it off I’d tell all his friends what he was doing.
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People change so much more between the ages of 21 and 27 than they realize. Getting married before then is kinds crazy. Unless you and your wife change at the exact same rate and in the same ways, the person you’re married to at 30 might not be the same person you married at 22
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Agreed, Def should wait till older, unfortunately no one at the time with me was like “maybe don’t get married”
Most people dont want to intrude on something that personal. And if they do, most people in love dont listen.
Glad you’re already seeing a therapist. Even if you’re clear headed about the decision and know you’re doing the right thing, divorce can still bring up complex and difficult emotions around identity and loneliness and loss. It took me like 8 months to fully feel like “me” again, despite having zero doubt about my decision (my ex-wife cheated on me, see mental health thread).
Although I don’t have kids, I was myself a child of divorce and one thing I REALLY wish I had back then was somebody to talk to about it. Kids understand way, way more than you would guess, and there’s a constant sort of shame around the divorce they pick up on from their parents, family, friends… basically everyone in their lives who know about it. And that can make it difficult for them to feel safe talking about it or sharing feelings or even admitting they want to discuss it. I wouldn’t assume they’re ok just because they tell you they are. Obviously it would be great if you and your wife can talk to them about the divorce openly, but I’d also suggest some kind of professional counseling for them, too, or at least a consultation.
I’ll defer to the lawyers itt on legal advice, but will just reiterate that you really want to get something down in writing and signed asap. Like you, I had no issue coming to an initial verbal agreement, but my ex took months to actually sign the damn thing and it stressed me the fuck out.
Finally, depending on where you live, I’m a lot more optimistic than some others itt about your dating prospects. Like I said, I don’t have kids so my situation is a little different, but I could go on a date every day of the week if I wanted to. The apps make it much easier than it used to be, so I wouldn’t worry about it.
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Yea i didn’t mean tell me not to, but maybe just have been like, hey there is another option here, because i didn’t feel like it at the time lol. All in the past now though.
little update on my situation, pretty much a non-update. Everything is essentially the same, I’ve got my shit in place to buy a new house. Wife hopefully I pray has hers setup in the next few days, its been a fucking month. We were trying to go through the same person but after she decided she didn’t want to work with the first two i found and wanted to go with someone her dad knew i said great have fun, and that was legit about a month ago. Hopefully any day now.
We held off on telling the kids for now when we were planning on originally doing it right after thanksgiving came up because of an issue that I’m not really going to talk about here. I think its resolved now or will be in next few days. Its too close to xmas now I think so i guess we will wait a bit, there is no rush really i guess other than me wanting to get the fuck out of here.
I don’t know what I related in the thread before and not going to go back to look but I know i said in the LC we had a house fire when the dryer caught fire in late october. Which led to some repairs, so for the last 45 days or so we have had contractors in and out, repairing, cleaning up, painting, didnt have a dryer and shit. Then our fucking oven stopped working a few weeks ago and my wife decided she wanted a new one because she was going to stay here and didnt want to spend a couple hundred to repair it and possibly have to repair again later when she could just spend 500 on a new one so we did that with her agreeing she would pay for the difference between lets say 200 repair and a 500 new one so at that point it was all the same to me so fuck it. However she bought a new one which took a couple weeks to get here because covid and shit i guess, then she figures out she bought a slide in model when we have a drop in, so she decides she’s going to just remove the rest of the cabinet herself to be able to slide that in, fast forward another week or so to now shes finally got that shit ready to slide it in so i guess we going to try to install it tomorrow. fuck me man, shes been working a lot too at night and kids been doing school remotely during the day while im working at home and we have contractors here off and on and I’m making sure kids are doing their schoolwork and shit since I can’t trust her to do that even when shes home during the day and I’m working.
Oh and I think i mentioned before but I had to lay off two of my team members from work on the 11th and had to tell them myself so that sucked. Last 45 days have sucked ass is what I’m saying pretty much and the other thing which i won’t mention here put some added stress on.
Just needed to vent, hopefully I’m close to the other side.
I did talk to an attorney and while I think i might be able to do better in court on what I’m going to pay the ex I don’t think I can get her to agree to it and I’m not going to court over it so fuck it, it is what it is and I’ll be fine. She will likely be broke even with what she’s getting from me so whatever.
I’m also looking at buying a house literally next door to my parents which is about 10 mins away. Same neighborhood i grew up in and its a great neighborhood, same school system, closer to the kids school and closer to my work. My parents will be next door but i have a great relationship with them and I’m sure they would be thrilled to have us close and it will be super convenient for seeing them and my mom will help with the kids. Only iffy part is whether i can get the shit worked out for the divorce before someone else buys it but i think it’ll be fine, I think its slightly overpriced now but its a pretty perfect space for me and the kids as far as the house, plus parents next door and i know theres a bunch of kids in the neighborhood as well which will be a plus compared to my current neighborhood.
Well i just had to vent i guess, crossing my fingers for better days ahead.
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Sounds like a ton of shit you’re having to put up with
Hang in there
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thanks for all the good wishes and advice etc here, we signed the papers yesterday and its been a pretty clean process, kids seem to be adjusting well, ive been in my own place since may
all the best to unstuck
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