Big News, I’m getting divorced, it was my decision. Any advice anyone wants to throw my way would be welcome.
Shortest story I can make of it:
We got married super young, i was 22, it was due to her being pregnant mostly, although we had dated off and on for a couple years at that point. We did ok for a number of years, had 2 more kids during those years, we started running into trouble around year 7/8 and did marriage counseling, things got better but the issues I had with her didn’t really change much. I also got on an SSRI at the time which helped me cope more with being unhappy IMO. Fast forward to this year, roughly 2-3 years later, i start working from home due to covid, wife stops working due to covid and working in retail/has health issues. 7 long months later and I couldn’t take it anymore, I also stopped taking the SSRI back in Feb which happened to be not so great timing because of Covid but honestly I think it helped me get more in touch with what I was really feeling and I hated some of the side effects.
I realize this is a lot of my life to put out here but I’ve done that previously and whatever, it doesn’t really bother me and it feels good to talk about it.
Luckily its super amicable and should stay that way, just working everything out now to get out of the house and get my own place which will be a big deal for me. We are splitting custody of the kids equally which is also a big deal for me. Mostly I’m just looking forward to a fresh start and a feeling of opportunity and new possiblities. I just turned 34 in June so still hopefully have lots of years ahead of me to be happier.
buddy of mine got divorced in a similar deal but with no kids. super hot girl, like idk what he was thinking. i think he was jealous of the single life but honestly if i were in his shoes i’d just bang broads on the side. i mean why ruin a good thing? his new girl isn’t as cute imo but he likes her so w/e.
anyway the ex wife wasn’t happy about the divorce and her and her lawyer started going after his illegal income and like, obviously inflating it bigly and it’s not like he can provide records lol just a total shakedown, you hate to see it.
anyway moral of the story is keep your secrets secret
Can’t help much on the marriage part, but as a kid to divorced parents - put your kids above everything. Including yourself. At least until they get used to the situation. You can wait a year or two before hookers and coke.
Keeping it friendly with your former partner is super important for the sanity of your kids.
illegal income lol, how can that even be possible to go after? I guess if you have bank records showing a bunch of income coming in, it will be hard to lie but maybe its cash?
Cassette: AMA is fine i guess lol, pretty sure she saw it coming, The exact convo was like I told her we had to talk after we put kids to bed, we got in bed and she was like “is this like a pack your shit kinda convo?” and i was basically like yea i think we should do that, and it went pretty easy from there. I meant to post that things were shitty before covid for a few months and it was just the final nail in coffin, for some acute reasons that I won’t really get into here.
Yuv: yea the kids are my priority, she didn’t fight me on splitting custody and I want to make sure I do a better job being a dad once I’m on my own and in a better space mentally. I’ve been on good terms with her so far other than some disagreements over the house stuff when she was going to move out but now we decided she’s going to keep the house so that moved that obstacle out of the way mostly.
Rexx: Yea our kids don’t know yet but probably going to tell them at the end of this week, but whether now or after it happens or after i move out, I don’t plan to do that.
And to add to that, datings kinda shit with covid anyways so I’ll have some plenty of time to concentrate on myself and the kids to start i think.
Edit: And myself and her both have strong support groups of family in the area, all my siblings live in this area as well as my parents and her parents are nearby as well. So that will help me as well as help the kids.
That’s good. Just keep in my mind that things might not go so smoothly during the process so work on keeping up a calm front for the kids’ sake no matter what. It’s easier said than done I’m sure.
I had the convo with the wife a few weeks ago, we have pretty much hammered out everything, just sorting me getting out of the house and into a new place and putting everything on paper, so things could change but I’m crossing my fingers and feel pretty good I can get out without it going sideways.
i know it’s a pandemic and impossible to blow off steam safely rn but have you considered just going to vegas once in a while and renting a hot girlfriend for a weekend? no one would ever know. and if the wife somehow impossibly finds out (which she wouldn’t ever find out, you would have to want her to find out for her to find out) so what? she leaves you. same result. i mean i’m not in that position but i’d try to have it all. be the perfect husband and father like 3 weeks a month. you could even have a whole second life in another state, i mean no one you know is going to utah. get another wife and kids who you only see 1 week a month, why not? you can have it all. and nobody would ever find out, like, ever. you’re away on business. it’s very important stuff for business, it’s the perfect alibi.
I’m single and never married, so I have nothing advice wise to add beyond what’s being said already. Sorry to hear you’re going through this, but hopefully it works out for the best and you’re able to find more happiness moving forward.
yea the particulars of the problems i had i think would still make the 3 weeks pretty fuckin miserable. I mean once this shit is signed off and everything, i pay some extra money for a few years and then I’m gucci, can do whatever the fuck i want on the weeks i dont have the kids and just pay child support.
Holy shit that seems like bad advice. I’ll skip the morality argument and move to the “so what if you get caught” argument. IANAL but I’m pretty sure just from TV and movies and stuff that there could be some serious financial pain for wirelessgrinder if he’s caught cheating and it causes the divorce.
There would also likely be very serious child custody ramifications if he’s caught doing blow with hookers in Vegas once a month.
meh i think it’ll be fine, i’m not looking to get remarried, and i live close enough to Birmingham city that hopefully higher amounts of the more liberal/single womenz. Plus I’m hella handsome, haha not really but i think decent enough. And no worries about Beetles advice, the course is pretty much set and theres no remedying the marriage at this point, not that I would want to but i do agree with Cuse that there are ramifications for sure for that behavior.
And no i dont think Beetle is leveling lol from seeing his previous posts.
while i legitimately think it would be cool if wirelessgrinder would start a second family in utah based on my tantalizing description of the con artist lifestyle, i don’t expect him to actually go through with it and i’m glad that he isn’t considering it. but my post is based in the truth that, yeah anyone can do whatever they want 1 weekend a month if it’s out of the state and there’s 0.0% chance they’d ever get caught unless they let themselves get caught
