Yeah I didn’t take the second family stuff literally but if you’re serious with the one weekend a month stuff it’s not zero risk and there are serious potential ramifications.
if you’re not careful and you don’t know what you’re doing? absolutely. if you’re dumb, don’t try it. but if you’re smart you can totally get away with it and literally nobody would ever find out
Your kids are aware of more than you realize.
Not a dig. This is true of all parents.
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agree, also i got snipped a couple years ago and have no interests in more children regardless of what happens down the road. So that might hurt me with some women but idgaf
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Maybe, but all it takes is your wife getting suspicious and hiring a private investigatorb or even digging a bit herself.
i take this back, maybe if the woman is amazing and makes tons of money, MAYBE
edit: but still no
Get your brother to hook you up with some magalettes to hatefuck IMO.
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You said your wife hasn’t been working, right? Is it going to be difficult to support two households?
Several couples I know that got divorced got another place, but the kids stayed in the same house where they’d been, and the parents just shuttled back and forth rather than the kids. That sounded like a good idea to me.
Good luck man, I’m rooting for you.
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One other thought.
Don’t be surprised if the divorce turns ugly for a while at some point.
It’s not inevitable, but it is very common. It’s just part of the grieving process. If you find yourself in that dynamic, hold faith that you’ll either find a way past it or find a way to accept it. The relationship ended for a reason, and your motivations may come into starker relief as you color in that decision.
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All I keep thinking about with these posts are the DC snipers.
Drive around in a different state capping people from the trunk of your car, do you really think your wife is going to find out??? Pfffffftttttt.
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I’ve known women who wanted dudes to get expensive reversals that have a low success rate.
I also know one who had her young, childless husband get one bc she never wanted to lose her figure and then left him a year later.
Question, are you going to be cool with dating single moms with baggage? Bc that’s your prospects.
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fyp
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Couple more questions.
Has she talked to a lawyer and/or her family yet? If not, the dynamics might drastically change bc you’re about to get seriously demonized from outside parties.
Second question, have you used a child support calculator to see where you’re going to be sitting in different scenarios of custody agreements?
Maybe this is obvious, but the bottom line is each night you have the kids it costs her money. Also, if she’s not working prepare for them to calculate her income as minimum wage and potentially for you to have to pay for her lawyer/mediation.
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When/if I start thinking about walking out again, I need someone to just repeat this to me over and over. I’m almost 50 and my head still says that sorority row at UCLA is going to have a “LFS is SINGLE!” night for me.
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Also, are you emotionally and mentally prepared for another man to be around your kids?
I’m not badgering you. I’ve just been down this road and want you to avoid blind spots.
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FWIW this can work out quite well!
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Maybe I am leaning a bit too hard on my Fabio-level good looks, but I think it’s easy to meet prospective partners who
- already have kids
- don’t want to have kids but will gladly marry into being a step-mom to yours
It’s not like you’re in your twenties anymore. People grow and mature and want different things as they get older. That’s true for you and the people who may take your interest. Speaking from experience, you may find yourself unprepared for how much better suited you are to find a compatible partner for all sorts of things you just assumed would never exist for you.
On the topic of snippage:
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won’t be getting a reversal, i dunno, i’m pretty set on not raising anymore children. I think you’re being a bit pessimistic on prospects though.
Yea like i said we are like a few weeks past the convo, her family is aware, everyones good for now. We already worked out agreement to split custody 50/50 and she knows what child support looks like for that and also worked out alimony. The only thing left is the house which is being worked out but i don’t see any roadblocks at this point.
She started working only back before covid, she makes $15 an hour. She will definitely be ok with what I’m giving her at least for the period of alimony which as of now is 4 years, after that, she’s on her own other than CS and hopefully increased her income by that time. Her family is well off as well so she should be fine.
I’m probably not mentally prepared for another man but its just something I’ll have to deal with, we haven’t worked all of that out yet but I think we will have agreements in place as to when people can meet the kids and so forth.
I do agree with Risky that I don’t think it’ll be as bad as you say but maybe I’m an optimist.
I do want to be clear that this current marriage ship has sailed though, i think for both of us but definitely for me. I can’t imagine trying to make it work now and I’m not really pondering that.
In two weeks at the end of this month we are actually going to start swapping being in the house with the kids one week a time just so it can be a decent transition period for the kids before we split completely but one of the main problems I had with the relationship is just living with her, the kind of house she keeps and such and so that makes doing that over a long term a no go for me. It will be much better for my mental health if i have my own place.
It can.
I had three kids with three different women. All of them their first child. Married the first two and was engaged on the third. All of them were relationships where we dated for a full year before they became pregnant. All of them were not sustainable for one reason or another. I engineered the breakup while the child wasn’t yet two each time, realizing the emotional impact of the split itself would be neutered bc they wouldn’t actually experience it.
I then didn’t date at all for nine years and focused on raising my kids. I didn’t go on a single date and didn’t have a free weekend to myself more than once or twice along the way.
I then remarried an amazing woman (who has three daughters of her own I’m currently help raise) who became one of my best friends during that nine years, having worked together for part of it, after dating for more than three years.
So I can speak to some of this personally, but I always tried to avoid the exact situation dude is in at the moment. If I was in his shoes I’d see if we could coexist as roommates until the kids were raised. One of my friends’ parents split up and he didn’t know until years after the fact, his dad slept on the floor each night fwiw. We helped him move into an apartment after my friend graduated high school.
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But what if the other man to take your place – in a case of Greek tragedy meets owning the libs – is to be heritagenothate?
Hopefully that was slightly funny, nothing to add but hope you find more happiness in the future.
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