Man that sucks, best wishes.
NAMI has some good information on support for those living with people with mental illness.
That 5% will likely make the legal process difficult. You’ll think you are at the finish line or at least made progress, then it will totally squirrel on you.
I had to deal with a narcissist but she wanted the house so bad I just promised mutually assured financial destruction and we could both start over from 0 or below 0 or she could play nice, split kids and assets 50/50 and we could move on. She extracted some pain on the way out (extra legal fees some emotional bullshit) but I never had to step into a courtroom. She got the house, I kept my retirement.
I paid only child support, no alimony. I offered double the standard child support (what I knew she need to keep the house). I just ate it every time she was short on money for her share of kids stuff. When I got a big bump I gave her a proportional “raise”.
She stiffed her original lawyer and even if she wanted to take me to court for something, she didn’t have the money and there wasn’t enough meat on the bone to make it worthwhile to anyone else to take the case.
The no spousal support thing was my attorneys idea. If it was $1 she could go to court seeking $1,000 or more. But without any, it was a done deal.
Last kid got to maturity, then child support went to college costs.
2 Likes
She’s not a narcissist, she’s bipolar. When healthy she’s a delightful person. She is of course being horrible right now (she’s manic and at times psychotic) but I know that’s not really her so I’m not taking it personally at all. Eventually she will return to planet earth and we will be able to have rational interactions. I’ll still be sad though.
4 Likes
As a late 30’s, never been married, no kids kind of guy,
Reading through this thread makes me even MORE terrified, of, if I ever get married, of marrying the WRONG person.
I don’t have any insightful advice to offer… just know I’m rooting for you Riverman, and the best outcome you can get for you, your kids, and your estate, from here.
4 Likes
Figured. At narcissist is a pretty stable character, that’s how I was able to get to act in her own self interest regardless of how much she wanted to hurt me. I found out much later she wrote a letter to my parents asking forgiveness and asking for their help in getting me back (all while she was shacked up w the new guy).
I am afraid in your case that the 5% is going to corrupt any progress you make in getting the separation.
DM if you ever want to vent. Not sure what actual advice I can give but I can listen and empathize.
4 Likes
Somewhat happy update: she recovered and we ironed out all custody and $ issues with each other during a very rational and civil 2-3 hour conversation.
24 Likes
Really glad to hear things can move forward amicably, which has to be the best thing for you and your family for whatever comes next.
2 Likes
Good to hear
2 Likes
I hope everyone in the family ends up in a better place when this is all done.
2 Likes