Lol yeah ok sure.
The problem with it is extraneous, lustful comments don’t really have a place here.
- In an aviation forum, it wouldn’t be cool if someone randomly interjected a long flight is better if a flight attendant is hot.
- In a cruise ship forum, it wouldn’t be cool if someone randomly interjected that they like having a room overlooking the pool so they can stare at women from their balcony.
- In a politics forum, it isn’t cool when someone says the major political event of the day has prevented them from leering at a group of young Euros they are accustomed to leering at.
Those sorts of comments do make women uncomfortable, even if your partner is 100% cool with it. Say it to her if you want. But it can totally make women here uncomfortable.
Women understand the fear of being leered at or threatened by men–this sort of comment leads down that path and can create the impression you’re the very type of guy who would do that to them again. And it gives the impression the men of this forum condone that sort of thing. It makes women compare themselves to the Euros you’re lusting over–what if they have body image issues, an eating disorder, or anxiety over their physical appearance?
There’s just no point, either. It’s not winning friends or contributing to the dialogue in any way. It should just stop.
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Wow, I never looked at it that way. Ty for the time u put into your response, it’s appreciated. I see your side of it. My apologies if I gave any female members the willies. I honestly was just thinking of better times when I posted that. Like actual being able to run Or play in poker games and actually having non deplorable foreign people to interact with .
Thx again for your time and HONEST response .
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Owner of our company made a “joke” about women slowing down golf leagues. I said nothing like a coward. What would y’all have done?
As a golfer that one’s tough. This is a thing, and it basically comes back to inexperienced golfers tend to have bad etiquette and play slowly. Women are more likely to be inexperienced golfers because men have tried to keep them away from golf for decades.
So, it’s true that women are more likely to be slower than men, but it’s because men in golf over the last 50 years have been sexist and made it unwelcoming and put up barriers. Thus a randomly selected group of women is more likely to be inexperienced at golf than a randomly selected group of men.
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One option in these kinds of situations is to just ask follow up questions like you don’t understand what he’s saying. Racist/sexist/homophobic/etc statements, like all communication, rely on how verbal communication is understood in part based upon a shared understanding of underlying context and implication. In this case his unstated implication is sexist. By asking questions, you are making him say all the quiet parts out loud. Channel your inner Tucker Carlson face, and watch him squirm.
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I LOVE this tactic, but it only works in my case if they don’t know me at all (I’m a pretty outspoken SJW). But in the right setting, this is revealing AND fun.
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Yell “I FEEL THREATENED” then bury a putter in his head repeatedly.
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He wasn’t asking for a 101 lecture in a subject he’s already familiar with, but was asking what you’d have done.
I can see that being the case for sure. Me being a straight, white, cis dude that could more easily be mistaken for a trump voter makes it a little easier for me to get away with it because the person spouting the sexism tends to be flummoxed that someone that should be getting it, isn’t.
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Try “lol golf”
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Do we really have to do this every time I respond to a post that doesn’t involve you whatsoever? I’m so very sorry that my post in this thread did not meet your personal standards for quality posting, I’ll try to do better. You have my apologies that my post wasted your precious time.
This take is why leftism will never succeed.
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I can judge if you want
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Yeah when someone I don’t know is at a social gathering and says a racist/sexist joke it’s always fun acting dumb and trying to get them to explain the joke. Half the time they see where it’s going and shut up because the explanation is going to be really racist/sexist lol
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The first house I bought in early 90s was owned by an older couple. The garage was totally outfitted as a workshop and in the backyard there were dual clotheslines.
As his employee it certainly puts you in a tough spot. The asking questions like you have no idea what he means is a great one though.
If there wasn’t that power dynamic my responses in the past to those comments, which I’ve heard all the time, especially about a certain race of women, range from “guess you’re too poor to join a private place where pace of play isn’t an issue, so deal with it” or “with your game I wouldn’t be talking”.
It can make for an awkward rest of the round but IME they 100% of the time and immediately STFU after being called out.
I’ve personally experienced those situations when I golf with the wife. There’s been plenty of times people have seen us and deliberately tried to not play with us on the 1st tee either by speeding ahead or asking the starter to join another twosome. That is until they play a couple holes with us and see her flush the ball and kick their ass (and mine admittitely). Then they can’t stop raving about playing with a girl.
One of the poles for the clothesline is still up in our backyard. House was built around 1950.
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You need a bunch of standard go-to responses that you can use without thinking.
I like “wow. Can we unpack that a little”
Gives you time to think for what you say next, but makes it clear that it’s out of line.
Earlier this year, pre-Covid, I was enjoying a local SD brew at my neighborhood bar. By chance I was sitting next to a UCSD Master’s student, and we got to discussing his area of study and thesis. He was studying the subject of belonging and how a sense of belonging impacts our lives in myriad ways. It was an “Aha!” moment for me. Akin to going from an understanding that gravity is simply what keeps my feet on the ground to then learning about Einstein’s theories. I believe it would be difficult to understate the power and impact that a sense of belonging(or lack thereof) has in all of our interpersonal and social interactions.
I view sexism and misogyny as antithetical to fostering a sense of belonging for all. Since my goals of peace, love, and solidarity necessitate creating a better world in the spaces that I inhabit IRL, then I must put my beliefs into practice here in UP as well.
Embarrassingly, for far too much of my life, I would make sexist “jokes” among my male friends, and laugh at their’s. As I grew and my views changed, I realized that I couldn’t keep certain areas of my life blocked off and allow off color jokes in private while hoping to be better in general.
We all have an amazing opportunity, right now. We are in a community where ~99% of the participants post in good faith. Because we are anonymous posters we can learn to be better and act better without fearing embarrassment or reprisal IRL. We can involve ourselves in the process of untangling the messy nets and traps that our hyper-patriarchal and misogynistic society has ensnared us in. It won’t be easy. For the majority of us with Y chromosomes our egos are tied to this sense of belonging within broader communities that are not only infested with sexism, but also heavily invested in its continuation.
Despite repeatedly failing to live up to my own desired standards of delivering and accepting criticism, I commend those who have called out sexism when they see it. I commend those who have handled criticism with humility. I commend those who, even if they disagree, attempt to understand the criticism that is directed at them. I especially commend those who called me out in the past and will do so in the future; they make me a better person. Thank you.
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