UP's Blind Spot for Sexism and Misogyny

It’s quite an error of judgement if you ask out someone at work and she reports you to HR.

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The ones I have read were not workplace specific.

@anon10387340, I meant you can’t go to jail, but yes one request combined with pretty much anything can get you fired or sued. It happened to me.

I think that’s true. But I also think workplaces are generally just trying to discourage any sexual relationships between employees. For good reason.

TR?

Well you can get sued for basically anything.

But you should only get fired if you were both employed by the same company, and they had a policy like my company’s policy. And even then, getting fired is pretty drastic if you truly only asked once and left it at that. I’m sorry if that happened to you.

I feel like In workplace you should build a friendship first and be damn sure she is interested before asking her out.
Going around the office asking chicks out is a bad idea.

Also might as well ask, is chicks or chick a bad term? If so apologies. I feel like I use it in the same way I would “dude” for a guy.

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I liked a woman at one job and waited until I quit to ask her out. Yes, I am awesome.

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Dating apps must be a fucking godsend for people these days.

Otoh, my younger brother and his wife met at work, both continue to work for the same company and have been married for 19 years.

Just asking someone out isn’t harassment according to the trainings at my workplace. Continuing to ask once the askee has declined crosses that line.

Yeah, that would definitely suck if it went down like that.

Obvious way to avoid problem:

https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/tv-funhouse-sexual-harassment-and-you/2751966

People are over reacting to the “new norm” and frankly the claim it’s hard on men is a bit silly. We are just shouldering our fair share for once.

Like all things context is king.

It is always wrong to hit on a woman at work if you are her superior. Period. Zero exceptions.

It is nearly always wrong to hit on a women at work if she is in the same department as you.

Sometimes it is ok to hit on a woman if she works in another department and there is no inherent power relationship.

In general the workplace is not a good place to initiate a relationship. That is why their are social gatherings of a million kinds.

The single most important thing men need to understand is there is ALWAYS a power imbalance. There is an inherent threat of violence underpinning any sexual inquiry. It’s your job as a man to understand this. Be the guy who takes no with grace. No sulking. No persistence. No insults. Grace. Be the guy who tells his friends to do the same. She will tell her friends about your reaction.

Also, learn to read body language. This is critical. Women are trained from birth to let me down easily and not be confrontational for the reasons I list above. She will tell you she is not interested without words. Take these clues as the exact same as a verbal no. With the same grace.

Learn to accept rejection as part of dating. Accept it with grace and your success rate will sky rocket.

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clovissssssss

Hope you’re chilled now.

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Yep took a week off all politics and feel better. My mom is in better place too. Stress just built up.

I’m chill now. :grin:

P.S. should add. Sorry for the drama!

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The only thing inaccurate about that video is the lack of pants. And it takes a day or two for security to escort you out. It’s 100% about whether she’s into you.

I would agree, but the problem isn’t me learning to read. It’s all men learning to read.

So your view is that the scenario I outlined in my post would be harassment?

In your example I’m pretty sure looking at IMs she had on her computer was the biggest problem, depending on how you told her you were attracted to her.

They suck, it’s late-stage capitalism for dating. I need to lose some weight obviously, but still I have to swipe like 500 times to get 1-2 matches. It’s brutal. Part of this is that there are also tons of fake accounts trying to get you to follow some IG model, etc.

Yep. My evidence is the hundreds of times I’ve read women complaining about guys asking them out.

For reference:

Guy: Hey Jane, I think you’re pretty cool and I’d like to get to know you better. Would you like to go out sometime?
Girl: No, I’m sorry Joe, you’re a good guy and all but I’m just not interested like that.
Guy: OK, no worries, I understand. Nothing ventured nothing gained, right? Hey did you see that accidental reply all Jack sent? Crazy, right?

I think even if you’re getting good signals, rather than telling somebody that you are attracted to them, it’s likely more appropriate just to ask them out for dinner or a coffee or a beer. I mean even somebody that might like to give you a chance could end up pretty pissed off about just exactly how you choose to tell them that you’re attracted to them.

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I should point out this isn’t a women thing, people in general have zero tolerance for unwanted interaction.