The National Football League

When I lived in China, one of my colleagues took me to a massage parlor. It was actually open so people from outside could see the people being massaged and the masseuses themselves. The masseuses were blind in this place* and relied exclusively on touch to find places to massage. It wasn’t particularly pleasant for me (too painful) but my colleague was making all sorts of moaning noises until he made a sudden, more intense moan. I was face down on the chair but lifted my head up only to see a bunch of people rushing to where he was with towels to clean up what I assume was his jizz.

Yeah, I never spoke to him again.

*A blind massage (盲人按摩 - Mángrén ànmó) is actually a thing. The idea is that since the masseuse has to rely exclusively on touch that he or she can more effectively find spots that are most in need of work. It also provides employment opportunities for the disabled.

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the bears voted against the 17 game season

I don’t want them to play any games this year either

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I would think that the players would hate an extra game. I mean they got paid for 16 games and now they play one for free. Not cool.

NFLPA is a joke

Does the preseason stay the same?

No, they’re losing a preseason week.

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The CBA specifies that any player whose base salary is higher than the minimum number for a player of his service time will be eligible to receive an extra game check as long as (A) his contract was executed prior to Feb. 26, 2020, (B) his was not renegotiated or restructured in any way that added to subtracted value to it, and (C) he’s on the active roster, inactive list or injured reserve for the 17th game.

“Extra game check” is defined as 1/17 of the player’s base salary, and it’s to be paid as a lump sum at the end of the year. Some guys will make out pretty well on this. For example, San Francisco 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo has a base salary of $23.8 million in 2021, which means he’ll get an additional $1.4 million – as long as he’s on the roster for the 17th game. (Garoppolo’s is the highest such number we’ve been able to find that we’re sure fits the formula.)

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Yea shit like that makes him look guilty.

“Look, I found a woman I didn’t rape! See, I’m a nice guy!”

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Christ, how many massage therapists has this guy gone to?!

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I googled one of those random names and found “Doctor Arielle Ball” with a very sexy-looking linked-in picture. But she does list a lot of serious massage stuff, so I dunno.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-arielle-ball-64ba2145/

Once you pop, you can’t stop.

Yeah, this in and of itself is really weird. Like I feel like the best-case scenario for Watson is that he has a thing for trying to get massages that “accidentally” turn into sex and is trying to fuck a bunch of Instagram women.

Yeah, if I was a guy who needed or just wanted a lot of massages, I’d, like, try out 1-3 different people, and then just pick the one I liked and see that person for the rest of my life, or at least until one of us left town or retired or whatever, like with haircuts.

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It’s like he’s constantly repeating the premise of a porno.

I wonder if he does the same thing with doctor’s visits.

If someone had just told him Massage Creep wasn’t a documentary, none of this would’ve happened.

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Let‘s see if they can pull it off

I mean if you have no intent on trading the guy, might as well see if anybody’s stupid enough to make that offer.

Our long offseason mystery is over.

https://twitter.com/AdamSchefter/status/1379161450527215620?s=19

Hell of a haul for the JETS.

Why are the Panthers doing that?