Oh I wrote commentary all right.
2 Likes
The goal was simple, find a song that noted Captain Beefheart enthusiast jalfrezi hated, but noted Captain Beefheart non enthusiast suzzer loved. Captain Beefheart would therefore have been a very poor entry. They each gave each song a score out of 100 - jal for how much he hated it, suzzer for how much he loved it - and to ensure pure non biased maths wins the day I have combined them to give final scores and assembled their comments in the correct order.
For the intro let’s throw it over to our dual judges.
jalfrezi says:
That was quite unpleasant.
suzzer says:
Since jal only listened to each song once, I did the same, and you get my real time thoughts below.
I will say that with 200 points on offer there are some remarkably close finishes! So on with the show, and the ChrisV Honorary Imodium.
3 Likes
In 12th place with 1 point
Denzel Curry - Ricky
Total 92
jalfrezi says:
A thin reminiscence of childhood advice rapped over an equally thin three note melody repeated over and over yet sadly failing to hypnotise.
80
suzzer says:
Ugh - no no no wtf is happening. This dude sounds like he’s about to throw up, doing the cheek full thing. Ok the terrible singer stopped, now we’re in pedestrian gangsta rap. This song blows. The lyrics are so stupid even I am noticing them. These guys should switch to mumble rap.
12
4 Likes
Hater!
In 11th place with 2 points
Living Colour - What’s Your Favorite Color?
Total 97
jalfrezi says:
This early metal/funk crossover band’s track is ok but not yet expansive or integrated enough to be great. I’d rather listen to James Brown or Curtis Mayfield, but it’s still ahead of most of the field here.
68 - Docked a couple of points for two schoolboy spelling mistakes
suzzer says:
Well at least it’s going to me mercifully short. Guitar is fun. I miss that 90s Primus-y sound. Oh no, singing is horrible. Why would you do this? I guess I get what they’re trying to do. 10 bonus points for realizing this song needed to be extremely short.
29
3 Likes
I like these so far. They’re fun!
Apparenlty jal has the same soft spot for shitty American rap and rap-ish-fusion-whatever-don’t@me bands that I do for stuff like EDM and Yacht Rock, Cause that shit was baaaaaaad.
1 Like
I’m afraid jal might not hate my song enough.
In 10th place with 3 points
Kylie Minogue - I Guess I Like It Like That
Total 106
jalfrezi says:
I guess I don’t.
Available now! Most of the early 90’s club clichés on one track!
100 - Well done. But will it move the suzzer posterior?
suzzer says:
Oh dear. This is not starting well at all. And it just gets worse and worse. I said I like beats that move my butt around in the chair, not songs that sound like high school Ross on his keyboard on Friends. It just keeps changing and changing into new realms of terrible. They also stole from some 90s band that eludes me now - C&C Music Factory I think. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IT’S ONLY HALF OVER. I thought it was winding down and gave it a 16. I’ve since reduced that to 6 for putting me through for 3 more minutes of this. This is hell. Jafrezi may actually like this song more than me. Sweet baby Jesus it’s finally over.
6
2 Likes
GTO theory scored 106 exactly as I thought. I’m glad this category doesn’t have a GTO that beats half of the field.
6 points was really generous for this song.
1 Like
Incorrect
Yeah I knew that one was getting 100 once you said you gave out four 100s.
I mean there’s a couple Kylie Minogue songs that aren’t extremely painful to me. Like maybe a 30. But you’re probably going to hate all of them. Definitely some FPS here.
Wow 100/6 is a tough split.
jal what score would you give Sympathy for the Devil?
Wasn’t aware Kylie had covered it.
The original - or the Jane’s Addiction cover.
Damn you’re right. Six is generous on that one.
In 9th place with 4 points
Viva Brother - Darling Buds of May
Total 109
jalfrezi says:
Indie rock by numbers from Slough, featuring contrived estuary English with dropped glottal stops.
Ah Feel Be’er Nah this fucking song’s finished.
Relocate them to the Sheffield of the 1970s and you could call them Def Leppard.
90
suzzer says:
Decent guitar. Oh god it’s the blahh blahhh wahhh wahhh Pavement voice thing. I mean it’s a little punky. But then when they sing “her birthday’s in Mayyyy” or whatever - that’s not punk - it’s pure shite. Ugh, just shut the fuck up and play guitar. This is horrible. Ah sweet sweet guitar. Jesus, unlike Angel Olsen they didn’t have the decency to give even a tiny break between the crap singing. Guitar player is good. He really needs to find a new band.
19
1 Like
Not heard JA’s cover. Original: I mean it’s probably one of many songs that deserve a 0.
This is fucking hilarious.