I like what I contribute to the world, but I could do that on a beach without worrying about rent or my neighbors being evicted. I am a recovering workaholic with an addiction worse than a lot of alcoholics though, so YMMV
So I’m trying to get my ADD treated again. I’m tired of trying super hard to get the bare minimum done. At the same time I hate the meds so much it’s ridiculous.
In other news I’m now 4-5 hours into the process of finding treatment and holy shit are there a lot of scammers in this space. The whole thing is designed to fuck you up for profit it’s insane.
If anyone has any good ideas for how to get the system to cough up 5-10mg of adderall twice a day without trying to rape me for thousands of dollars a year in ‘treatment’ in exchange for a prescription I’d love to hear about them.
Do you have a PCP who you like and trust? They may be able to prescribe it to you if you explain the situation - especially if you’ve taken a certain drug before and had a positive experience with it.
Not really but that’s an avenue I’m more than ready to go down. The one I have doesn’t do controlled substances.
Second this. This route is probably easier to do than you’d think. Their main initial concern is going to be that you might deal and/or abuse, so it shouldn’t be that difficult to get a hold of the dosages you’re describing.
Adult adhd/add is a relatively new addition to the dsm. A lot of doctors still don’t believe in it. I got referred to a psychiatrist through my therapist.
It’s cost me about $500 so far. But now it should just be $70 every few months plus the cost of my prescription copay.
a bit about me, i’ve always had trouble feeling tired. Like I never had trouble sleeping, fall right to sleep, sleep long periods of time but i feel like I haven’t had a refreshed feeling upon waking like ever, or not in memory at least. I definitely had plenty of energy as a teen like we all do i guess but still would have a super groggy feeling most mornings. A lot of times it was probably due to getting less than recommended hours of sleep i guess as I’ve always been a bit of a night owl but if i stayed up and then slept in to get 8-10 hours i still wouldn’t feel good. It’s possible that i wasn’t catching up enough from other nights where i got less but i dunno.
I’m only thinking about this alot lately because i read that book about alcohol mentioned in the qutting alcohol thread. I’ve been what I would say is a light to medium drinker since 21, something like a 6-10 a week maybe mostly spread out over a number of days. In that book it was talking about how even 1 drink jacks up your sleep and over a long period that it will take a while to recover from that. So as I said in that thread I’m stopping again, hopefully for good. Also I’ve made a commitment to get 8ish hours of sleep for 14 days straight and I’m hoping that combination will show some difference? Can’t hurt obviously.
Also I had thought it might be related to sleep apnea as well as I snore fairly loudly depending on what position I’m in. I got checked out 5-6 years ago and came back with mild sleep apnea so I got a CPAP. I’m not good about using it especially the last couple years but even when I was good about it I didn’t feel a big difference but either way I’m making sure to use that now as well so I guess we will see in 2 weeks how its going.
I’m also trying to cut out soda which would cut out my caffiene. I’m def not drinking it late in the day/at night like I used to but I will probably try to slowly cut it out especially as I’m cutting out alcohol. I have found in the past that when i cut out beer I drank more soda and vice versa.
Cutting out soda is more for weight/health/belly reasons, as when I stop drinking it i feel like my belly looks much better than otherwise, probably from some bloating and just extra calories but its a fairly fast change, like a couple weeks to change to where i notice the difference.
After a lifelong struggle with suicidal ideation, one thing I recently discovered in talking to a therapist who specializes in Dialect Behavioral Therapy is that I have been unintentionally using ideation as a coping tool.
Suicidal ideation is very effective at bottoming out or numbing emotions. When it all feels like too much and I’d rather be dead than overwhelmed with panic, shame, anger, doubt, fantasizing about being dead in a sense spiritually kills me. Seeing myself as dead is a way to kill my emotions.
I’ve been using ideation the same way a person reaches for a drink or another substance to cope without realizing this is just making the problem worse or, at best, exchanging one problem for another. Except this one easily leads not just to harm but to my death.
I got serious about finding treatment when I started seeing suicidal and homicidal ideation as equally disturbing. I had harsh judgments for people who would fantasize about killing another person. But I would regularly fantasize about taking a life, too. It just happened to be my own.
i need to get a new therapist, i had one a couple years ago that seemed to help but I don’t think she was right for me, she seemed to downplay bisexuality and some other things, i took it as her just being more conservative i dunno. I didn’t get the feeling like she cared or moreso that I got the feeling that she didn’t think the things i was going through were a big deal i dunno.
Are people here still seeing therapists or doing it all over video? I tried reaching out to some around in the spring and the few i checked weren’t taking new patients.
Other than positive word-of-mouth, Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist is probably the best resource for finding a new therapist. You can filter by location, insurance provider, primary concern, etc.
Without knowing your location I can’t say for sure whether you’d be able to find in-person services, but the current research re: telehealth suggests that it’s largely comparable.
I use video chat. I’d love to be there in person but it’s not on my menu for the foreseeable future.
I’d reach out to folks again <3
Yes, I can vouch for the Psychology Today database. That’s how I found my current therapist–searching location, insurance provider and key words (meditation, mindfulness, buddhist, etc).
I currently go into her office half the time, and we talk by phone the other half.
Agreed
Gonna third oreo on this one. Moving out of America with a family takes a crazy amount of bravery and effort on your part.
My only comment is i dont think you should hide your feelings or feel shame in them.
Obv +1 to what others have said. I get that you are feeling inadequate (I have a pretty strong “not good enough” trigger I am trying to learn to deal with) - but most/all of us from the outside looking in are like “what that guy is doing is super impressive”.
The “helper” in me can’t help but want to share a few bits of things that have been useful for me in the past, but at the same time I know you are feeling a bit better, and I hope writing things out was in itself somewhat cathartic. So maybe you aren’t really looking for any advice here. I’ll spoiler it, and really, feel free to ignore it.
Summary
Something that came to mind when I was reading your post was what a therapist said to me once in a session. I had a lot going on, but I was also adding to it by beating myself up for feeling so anxious about how I was handling everything. They more or less said “look, you have this, this and this going on. Of course you are stressed and worried! That’s a perfectly natural human response to the situation. Why are you beating yourself up over that?” I guess it just might be helpful to try and reframe your feelings as a perfectly normal response that your body/mind are eliciting, and accepting that it is kinda meant to happen in these circumstances.
*Edit to add that in the time I was writing this jmakin made this same observation in a much more succinct fashion.
Also, something that I have been trying to adopt more lately when I am feeling anxious about an event or situation is to visualize what I will be feeling after that event. Instead of fixating on the lead- up, I try and remind myself that in X amount of time, the thing will be done. In your case, you are going to be in your new place in X amount of time. It might be nice to take some time to envisage being there, and being proud of yourself for getting there. Because that time is going to come.
great post, probably good advice for a lot of people here right now.
Your post moved me a lot, not least because I was able to empathise with your childhood.
Your emigration is a courageous step that many, maybe most, would be unable to undertake even if they knew it was for the best. You should feel proud of yourself for putting your family first despite the immense upheaval and hassle involved.