What do you think led to that change?
A few things.
People change, first. They change in reaction to new experiences, so I always caution folks who somehow think it can’t happen to them. Yes, your values and ideas can change if you are willing to let them. And if you aren’t, that’s it’s own bigger pronlem.
So, I did have experiences. I dated someone with kids and fell in love with all of them. I realized that I enjoy having responsibilities towards and with other people. It was incredibly rewarding, the limited time I spent with them.
I also have done some looking at Why I didn’t want kids. That wasn’t the question I asked, but it ended up being the same answer. I have struggled with anxiety and depression at times, those feelings often stem from feelings of shame and worthlessness. Which are not aligned with wanting to be a parent, at least that isn’t how I experienced them.
I don’t have any advice for anyone on this, because it is an incredibly important and binary issue. But generally, being open to change and evolution in myself has been the recipe for a fulfilling life. I’m 44. I doubt I’ll have kids, but if the opportunity was there I would love to go on that adventure.
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My wife and I just switched from staunchly no kids to wanting to try after 7 years together. Watching other people, for the first year, kids seem like torture, 100% the most idiotic thing ever. But once they start growing and developing personalities, they seem like 90% cool. Really the only non-rare thing that I’ve observed that would suck is having a violent boy that you had to constantly worry about getting kicked out school, arrested, etc.
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Oh there is more to be worried about than just that.
Not trying to discourage, but kids are hard, for the rest of your life. No matter how awesome they might be
Dunno, that’s just the one thing that really bothers me that I’ve seen. Maybe because they are harming others so you are constantly conflicted about how to help them. I’d rather have someone like Hunter Biden as a son.
Makes sense.
I’m honestly not sure if I’d rather have that than some of the things we’ve gone through, but I can imagine it would be VERY hard to reconcile loving a child that has done something bad to another person
Yeah I feel like that just scratches the surface of the things I probably should have been terrified of but thankfully didn’t give a lot of thought before having kids. Like having a child with a severe disability that requires round the clock care for decades, and not being certain they’re even getting any enjoyment out of life. Or a mental illness that makes them not only incredibly stressful to deal with, but genuinely unlikeable as a person (which would probably trigger incredible guilt feeling that way on top of everything else). We’re friends with one couple with a daughter that has intellectual and behavioral issues that aren’t even that bad, and still their lives are incredibly exhausting and they basically are expecting to take care of her until they die.
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Had some of the children conversation with my partner yesterday. We discussed our own rationale and basically got to the agree-to-disagree stage, acknowledging that it may mean that we have to end our relationship.
We punted a little bit and started into a book called Eight Dates which is supposed to help facilitate tricky conversations (I generally groan at these kinds of things but this one seems OK). I think there are some helpful conversations in here but am concerned that once we get to the family/children conversation it might just be more of the same. I don’t see her changing her mind and have a really hard time thinking I ever will either.
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Cut bait for your and her sake. I’m childfree and didn’t marry until 35, there’s plenty of time.
Yea probably, I just really, really don’t want that to be the answer so I’m going to keep trying. Our lease is also up for renewal in a couple months so we may have a forced timeline here.
I mostly agree with this. Never have children for the sake of a relationship. It isn’t fair to the kid.
So I mentioned before about my best friend and his swinger gf. He goes on deployment for like 6 months at a time as a military contractor, They’re swingers and freaks and we he’s gone they both hook up with other people.
He told me he would love for me to be the person she hooks up with. Like it would be special for him or something.
Shes in CA for 2.5 months. This was our first weekend together. We went to the hotsprings all day which had gnarly hike super uphill on the way back.
i wasn’t planning on doing anything yet but we were both pretty intoxicated. I was drunk and had done some cocaine and was super exhausted so we did a lazy hookup. But basically she asked me what all my fetishes are and fantasies and wants to make them all come true.
She was just tested before she came to CA and all clear. Me too. So safe on that end. Still used a condom.
Still weird but was pretty fun.
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sounds like a goddamn blast imo, lucky duck
edit: obviously going to want more trip reports
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Update. My buddy who gf I’m having sex with messaged me yesterday with a simple "can I ask your question? " And I was overwhelmed with dread it was about me and her and maybe I did something wrong
He was asking what kind of shape his house was in because he’s losing a roomie and wants to Airbnb it lol.
Still that probably means I should stop if just that freaks me out right?
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I didn’t expect this to become Penthouse Forum but ok, ha. This is likely outside of most of our experiences but I guess that’s why it’s interesting. I just hope they don’t plan to murder stim when they’re done with him.
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Man, I hate when people do that. Just ask the question! You don’t need to ask if you can ask a question. It’s almost as bad as “What are you doing on Friday?” I don’t know, man, how am I suppose to know if I need to pretend to be busy unless you tell me what you’re inviting me to!
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Not necessarily. … everything is above board, just new.
My boss, who is a power-obsessed sociopath, ALWAYS sends emails that say, “Hey Michael, we need to talk.”
It’s almost always something innocuous. Sometimes you get a raise. But he does it this way, consciously or not, to mess with your head.
Id have to ask him to phrase things differently. That would kill me.
I hate this shit. Ive got major impostor syndrome so anytime I get an email similar to this my immediate first thought is “Welp, time to get fired.” No matter how little sense that makes
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