By contrast, I almost submitted this, but I feel like I know enough about John Wilkes Booth to not require every single detail here.
It probably helps that it is a much older song and I could have picked one of several versions, with different lyrics.
Here’s a version of the song from 1929(!) by Jimmie Rodgers.
This is a first-person version by Elvis Presley from a movie of the same name.
Johnny Cash did his version under the title “Frankie’s Man, Johnny”
Here’s a 12-year-old Stevie Wonder.
Lindsay Lohan did it for the film A Prairie Home Companion
Brook Benton had a Top 40 hit in the '60s with it.
Having grown up in France, it’s the only place where she could have been safe. She apparently realized this during her escape from Scotland but it was too late at that point:
The small party comprising about fifteen or sixteen various Scottish lords and attendants, not to mention Mary herself, commandeered a small fishing boat from the commendator of the former Cistercian monastery, Edward Maxwell of Terregles. After much to-ing and fro-ing in regards to the fraught nature of her plan – the lords were far more of a mind that Mary should seek help from France – they set sail from the mouth of the Abbey Burnfoot, where the monks had once shipped out wool and other agricultural necessities to Europe.
In order to get to England the party had to cross the Solway Firth, a journey that took them a little over four hours. During the crossing Mary apparently had a premonition of the awful fate that awaited her in England and demanded that the boat be turned so that they could make for France instead, but by that time powerful winds had taken hold of them and she was unable to escape her date with destiny.
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That is a safe limb. Here I’ll tease it since you might like this if you’re a big Lightfoot fan.
Ah, thanks, now it makes sense to me. I knew she spent time in France when she was younger and about the escape attempt. I also knew that she stayed in Britain and never sailed to France. I did not know she was ever on a boat that could have taken her there.
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This is why getting to France was so important:
Mary was not beheaded with a single strike. The first blow missed her neck and struck the back of her head. The second blow severed the neck, except for a small bit of sinew, which the executioner cut through using the axe. Afterwards, he held her head aloft and declared, “God save the Queen.” At that moment, the auburn tresses in his hand turned out to be a wig and the head fell to the ground, revealing that Mary had very short, grey hair.
Cecil’s nephew, who was present at the execution, reported to his uncle that after her death “Her lips stirred up and down a quarter of an hour after her head was cut off” and that a small dog owned by the queen emerged from hiding among her skirts—though eye-witness Emanuel Tomascon does not include those details in his “exhaustive report”.
Have also read that the executioner may have been drunk and she told him to finish the job after the first strike. Also that it took days to wash all the blood off the dog. Uhhhhh.
I think they included that bit in part I of Elizabeth I (2005) with Helen Mirren (as Elizabeth, don’t know who played Mary). Don’t know if they do in other adaptations. Well anyway, Louis 16th suffered more than one slice too. <= This may be apocryphal, or maybe I just done misremembered it, can’t find definite corroboration atm.
The King at the time, Louis XVI was executed on January 21, 1793. For a machine that was supposed to provide a painless and quick death, the King died horribly. As the blade fell down, he screamed (well, wouldn’t you?) The problem was that his neck was so fat that the guillotine failed to slice his head off the first time. However, it did manage to come off after a second attempt. A young guard picked up the King’s bloody head for the crowd to see. As the mob rushed to dip handkerchiefs in the blood, they cried out, “Long live the Revolution!”
Source is the venerable historical journal “Toptenz.net” so take it with a grain of salt
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Like I said to all of the people defending billionaires, gotta make sure you request a sharp blade.
Oh man, I was thinking about the wreck of the edmond fitzgerald!
Just thinking about it won’t do. You need to develop a go getter attitude like Suzzer.
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I bet Harry Chapin’s “Taxi” makes the podium -eyeroll-
Very much
“Too obvious” is gonna be a great meme for walrus contests. Eventually somebody will use it for underground mixtapes that were recorded 3 days ago and aren’t available online.
Great choice. Considered another Beefheart song for this category myself (maybe The Blimp) but imagined poor Louis’s head would’ve exploded so took it a bit easier on him.
Dodged a bullet. 
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American Pie def the worst song here, and I don’t even need to listen to the others to know that.
EDIT> Wait a minute…Mike fucking Oldfield’s here.
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Rock trivia bonus question. Who’s this in the Altamont audience?
At my wedding my Dad’s side of the family got drunk (ldo) and did a singalong of American Pie. I joined in because they’re family and I didn’t want to be a grumpy person on such a day, but it is a big regret in my life.
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Waiting for howls of outtage from assorted Yanks waking up to see one of their most hallowed modern songs trashed by various Aussies and Brits
I don’t really hate the song but I’m thoroughly sick of it, submitting it to a walrus is outright asking to be placed last imo.
Catching up, weaker round, all entrants deserved last place bar mine imo
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