Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of all Ages…
Come in to the Walrus,
Hear the Music,
Laugh at the Clowns,
Be Thrilled by the perilous Leaps of the Acrobats.
Marvel at Everything the Performers do…
…
… Only at the Walrus
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Before we commence the festivities let me offer you some preventive ointment for any butthurt that might occur. Neither do I play an instrument, nor can I read music. My analysis will be less technical than what ChrisV did. Since you took the time to curate your lists you deserve more than a plain “I (do not) like this song”. I’ll try to lay out my reasons as best I can.
If you feel I did not accurately rate your musical jewel please rest assured in the knowledge that I have no idea what I am talking about.
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CATEGORY 1
A song with lyrics that are neither in your native language, nor English, nor my native language (German)
We asked 100 people: Name a language that is neither German nor English? With most of the players coming from North America the logical answer might be Spanish. Survey says: …
Could the number 1 answer be French instead? Well, there is more than one Portuguese entry. How about Japanese, Korean, Hebrew and Latin? It might even be time to brush up on your Dholuo and Mandinka. Did someone submit a Klingon aria? That would be ridiculous, right? RIGHT?!
Overall a pretty good category. There are no legitimately bad songs and towards the top it gets really good. Alas, we will have to get passed some less interesting ones before we get there.
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Tier 1: Je ne comprends pas
In 16th place, scoring 1 point, Goebs80 with Gangnam Style by Psy
What Goebs80 had to say:
I’m going to take my punishment like a man. Entry #1 is Psy - Gangnam Style, because I am a dumb American and know nothing else (other than the aforementioned Rammstein and La Bamba). Pretty embarrassing, but hopefully I’ll learn some good new tracks through this category.
Submitting something with 3.5 billion(!) views on YouTube? That’s a paddling. A bunch of those views will be by yours truly and it’s not a bad song by any measure. I simply cannot justify ranking this any higher in a Walrus when there are no songs I actively dislike.
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In 15th place, scoring 2 point, JohnnyTruant with Aganju by Bebel Gilberto
Beautiful singing to traditional bossa nova music mixed with modern electronic sounds should make for an interesting song. Nevertheless it somehow feels a bit bland and the end result is nothing more than an inoffensive pop song. Fine to be played as background music that doesn’t command your attention.
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In 14th place, scoring 3 points, pyatnitski with Cargo Culte by Serge Gainsbourg
I am rarely a fan of spoken word pieces. Here I can’t even understand what he is talking about. There might be a lot lost in the non-translation. The music underneath has a certain je-ne-sais-quoi but not enough to keep me hooked for almost 8 minutes. Trim some of the fat and put more engaging vocals over it then this could be a very good song.
INTERMISSION
While we rebuild the stage for tier 2 let me remedy the fact that I forgot to mention what I would have submitted for this category:
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Tier 2: (Nodding and smiling)…si?!
In 13th place, scoring 4 points, skydiver8 with Corcovado by Andrea Bocelli (With Nelly Furtado)
I don’t think I have heard this song before but I have probably heard dozens of songs like this. Julio Iglesias anyone? Bocelli has a great voice but he isn’t challenged here. Nelly Furtado does a perfectly adequate job. There isn’t much to work with for them. It’s not particularly original and something you might hear in a restaurant or cocktail bar. Music that is nice enough to fill the silent moments but doesn’t really distract you from your conversation.
I mean, it’s pretty simple, mate. The teenage girl he’s been having his way with has been killed in a plane crash, and he’s thinking about sorcerers who worship planes and cargo and wondering if she’s haunting them or somewhere else. Then he decides to be like those wacky magicians and is now praying for a plane crash to reunite with her. Keep up.
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I figured it must be something like this.
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yeah, I had zero expectations for my placing in this category
I knew right where I was gonna place lol
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I initially forgot to include your commentary in the reveal post and have now edited it.
Reveal?
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The Getz/Gilberto original of this has always been my favourite (Love that album).
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In 12th place, scoring 5 points, jalfrezi with Oh Yeah by CAN
This is a German Krautrock (No, Jalfrezi, that term is not offensive) band that I am not familiar with. They were active before my time and Krautrock isn’t a genre I have been interested in.
As for the song itself, it was ruined for me by the singer in the first half. It gets better in the second half but the damage is done and this dropped the track several places. It’s too irritating which is a shame because the instrumental portion is very good.
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I considered submitting a Damo Suzuki Can song for the singer category, his work with them made them one of the best bands ever (imo and that). I realised it would be madness, but lucky escape.
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Tier 3: No Man’s Land
In 11th place, scoring 6 points, Lawnmover_Man with Sadeness by Enigma
Familiarity hurt this one a bit. A fate that some other submissions will also suffer. It’s hard to be enthusiastic about a song you have already heard countless times unless it’s truly excellent. This one isn’t excellent, it’s merely good and was beaten by some that I liked a little bit more.
What this song has going for it are the Gregorian chants and the sensual voice of the singer. Is that a pan flute we hear? Some kind of wind instrument. Anyway, overall an enjoyable song.
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Oh man, Enigma. I remember those guys. Who remembers this?
Real 90s shit there.
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You may not have realised how tough an ask this category is for non-Europeans. Very, very little in my music collection is not in English and about half of that is Rammstein. I think I’m typical in this regard.
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