If you need the job, I’d laugh it off. It’s better to pick your battles and I’m not sure that’s a battle worth picking. You can always make a mental note for future occurrences.
But if you give zero fucks, yea call him out on it.
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I grew up in a town comparable to OP’s in the Midwest.
Back for a visit 40 years on, visiting with a HS friend, his wife started yapping about fags. I had to say something, so I said if any of my kids were gay, I would not want them ostracized. That worked – we moved to another topic.
Point being that although OP’s confrontation is good, sometimes there are softer, more effective responses – if we can come up with them in the moment.
Yea and as soon as you left, your buddy called you a fag behind your back for being so sensitive.
Poker face
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So glad my current workplace is super-left.
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Yeah, this is the City and man are there a lot of ■■■■■ everywhere.
To nobody’s surprise, “Billy”'s racism only became super-obvious after the 2016 referendum result, obviously feeling somewhat vindicated in his bigotry. He’d make a good case study for sociology students.
Yeah, stone face.
i don’t talk to a few kids i was friends with in lawschool anymore because of blow-up type arguments over deplorable stuff. one got real into the IDW and peterson youtubez, another is real “bootstrappy” even though his parents had a plane while he was growing up…
Thats what i went with.
In hindsight i should have said something.
Perhaps “x (my partner)'s aunt works in a market”
My partner is asian. Boss knows this.
A big part of doing these interactions well is planning in advance. So a thread like this is good.
My rugby club participated in a study on how to reduce homophobia in sport.
Basically it trialled different approaches among teenagers.
What seemed to work was some training for them to just look at the other person stoney face when anyone makes a “fag” or “thats gay” reference.
Non confrontational but still clear.
My go to in the above scenario is a combination of “sheesh. Its 2019 dude” and jokingly saying “you’re better than this”
Of course. This only works on people who think they are better than that. Not true deplorables.
Wow @ripdog I’m so sorry about your situation. Alzheimers is a tough break. Hopefully your dad doesn’t cut you out of the will due to political differences. I was extremely opposite to my dad politically but somehow we still managed to get along ok. I think my dad probably did moderate himself a little when I was around though as I was extremely vocal if I disagreed with him. Having a sense of humour helps, I’d just take the mickey out of him and then things would move on. If it helps any, no inheritance was withheld from me due to my political leanings so I wouldn’t write your dad off yet, he clearly wants contact with you and to be a bit closer.
sorry to hear about your dad. alzheimer’s/dementia is a bitch. my grandmother had alzheimer’s and my father passed away last year from parkinson’s and dementia.
i would advise you to tell your mom to quickly learn to do all the finances if she doesn’t already. for my boomer mom it came as a shock as she had never done them and it was pretty brutal. my dad fell quickly into writing checks for hundreds of dollars to random churches he saw on tv or infomercial people. thankfully i caught most of them and was able to stop payment on the ones that were already sent.(my mother had no idea you could call the bank to stop payment on checks)…
with the way the republican party is now, they will be grifted HEAVILY if people find out.
Dimentia advice. It’s better if they familiarise themself with a place before it gets too bad.
I.e. no matter what hes forgotten, he will know where he is.
Conversely. My hope for trump is he spends his last demented years in prison and goes through the pain of being reminded this every 15 minutes.
“wow” is surprisingly effective.
Just stone face plus “wow.”
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Tough break ripdog. My mother is 84 and the body is going before the mind, but you never know. Old people with dementia can be brutal to caregivers. Getting the stepmom to prepare herself would be a kindness.
Ron White is just fine, don’t let the blue collar character fool you.
Sorry to hear it. Had both maternal grandparents go to dementia. My uncle (mother’s brother) is showing signs of early-onset dementia. My mother is scared to death of getting it despite showing no signs. It is a truly horrible way to go. If you can be there, get there. Enjoy the good days while you have them.
My mother’s deplorable boyfriend is dealing with a series of health problems. Severe back issues have been a problem but he’s been dealing with recurrent gout for some time. Unless they find something more than that, I’m sure he’ll be around to complain about black people and Mexicans for a while. Old white guys that have money don’t go down easily.
Yeah sometimes it’s hard to tell, she might just be one of those who says the quiet parts quiet.
My wife’s stepdad is a full-on deplorable who we kind of avoid talking to about political stuff, but his big thing seems to be logging onto my MIL’s facebook page to share ridiculously hateful Anti-Obama/Hillary/AOC/whatever memes that people in their 70s find funny, and he’s apparently too dumb/lazy to start his own page.
I do actually believe it’s him who’s doing it since it seems to come in bunches, and basically when he posts something that directly insults a member of the family (like some particularly hateful anti LBGTQ thing) my wife will call up her Mom to tell her, and she’ll be all exasperated and say “that fucking asshole” and delete everything he posted. But still she could change her password at any time and make sure he has no access, but doesn’t do it…big red flag.
Her big thing is “I hate talking politics” to deflect any kind of question about what she believes. But one day in the car with my wife they got on the subject of immigration somehow and let the mask slip when she said “but honey, don’t you think we need a wall to keep them out?” (with that kind of incredulous tone like she couldn’t believe someone would think otherwise, either). I think with a lot of these couples we hold out hope that the quiet one disagrees with the loudmouth, but mostly I think it turns out they just want to keep appearances up.
You’re crazy for letting a guy like that pay for your meal.
Isn’t that kind of tough when it’s your step dad?
No, I don’t let any one pay for me and my wife’s meals, to the point of me getting up to talk to the server alone.