If we’re ever going to get this democratic republic functioning again, we’re going to have to start teaching kids in school what words actually mean.
The last four months alone could probably fill out a whole new version of We Didn’t Start the Fire.
2020, Auld Lang Syne, Soleimani droned and died,
Iran let some missiles fly, fighter jets in the sky.
Burnt koalas, Senate trial, we were all sweet summer childs,
Donald Trump showman speech, Rush Limbaugh in the seats,
Kobe helicopter crash, Brexit happens at long last,
Iowa Dems cannot count, Bernie’s chances start to mount,
Impeachment acquittal day, Sondland, Vindman blown away,
Donald Trump is here to stay, what else do I have to say?
We didn’t start the fire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning.
We didn’t start the fire,
No we didn’t light it,
But we tried to fight it.
Novel virus worlds away, Wuhan lock down looks scary,
15 to zero its okay, Trump says this will go away,
Biden is the nominee, national emergency.
virus tears through Lombardy, pandemic officially,
Market crash, panic strikes, CEO parade, gaslight,
Sign the Dow, take a bow, this is all a hoax, right?
Money printer go brrr now, airlines need a bailout,
press briefings that rot your brain, Trump is going so insane!
We didn’t start the fire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning.
We didn’t start the fire,
No we didn’t light it,
But we tried to fight it.
Nobody has PPE, blame Obama and 43,
Netflix watch Tiger King, Carole Baskin killed her husband,
New Yorkers are suffering, try hydroxychloroquine,
drink some bleach, eat a light, open up cause it’s our right.
We didn’t start the fire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning.
We didn’t start the fire,
No we didn’t light it,
But we tried to fight it.
Slow the a spread in 15 days, how bout 30? Just kidding.
Boris caught it, he survived, Russian docs fall from the skies,
Kim Jong Un about to die, Trump says he cannot tell a lie,
surely we’re all going to die, except Kim cause he’s alive,
Oil price goes negative, Pentagon saw aliens,
murder hornets are a thing, but Karen wants to go shopping.
We didn’t start the fire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning.
We didn’t start the fire,
But when we are gone,
Will it still burn on, and on, and on, and on…
Meter needs work
Needs a little work, but great start.
This is good but it needs at least one or two of the fish still in the tank while the others shoot bullet holes in the glass
+1,000,000. Now you must get to this to Sir Billy if Joel or at least a good impersonator. Maybe Joe Conklin here in Philly?
A+
Update:
Nobody has PPE, blame Obama and 43,
stay home and watch Tiger King, Carole Baskin killed her husband,
New Yorkers are suffering, try hydroxychloroquine,
drink some bleach, eat a light, open up cause it’s our right.
Haha, no, maybe I should put it on my YouTube. I can’t sing for shit, but you can kind of speak this song I guess.
count the sylables in each line of Joel’s song and then count the sylables in yours. The bolded is by far your strongest line and the one that adheres the best to Joel’s structure. Also count verbs in his song and yours.
Yeah, I know… It needs a little work. Some is tough to fit but lyrically needs to be there, I guess I could just say something like “Joe Exotic, Carole Baskin” to fit the structure more though.
If I decide to do something on YouTube with it it needs some polish and the order could be improved a bit, I also could be missing a few things.
Like, I don’t think “We didn’t light the fire” is a particularly good song, but it was a hit. And why was it a hit? I am old enough, sadly, to remember the song when it came out and I didn’t know what 80% of the song even referenced. But I knew it was political, even though I didn’t know exactly what it was saying. Like what is a ten-year-old supposed to do with “Starkweather, homicide, children of thalidomide”? You can’t google it. But anyway, what I’m saying is that it suggested politics and profundity without actually saying much of anything.
But it did that with its structure and lack of judgement and overt politics. What is it actually saying? Shit man I don’t know. It’s Billy Joel, who gives a shit. But it suggests politics without actually saying anything through its near lack of verbs and using weak verbs when it does use verbs. OK, I’m going to document the non-chorus verbs the song uses:
- Eisenhower, vaccine, England’s got a new queen (BOLD)
- Dien Bien Phu falls, “Rock around the Clock”
- Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn’s got a winning team (damn he went there)
- Hula hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go (oh man shit just got real)
- Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson
- JFK, blown away, what else do I have to say?
- Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
- Hypodermics on the shores, China’s under martial law
- Rock and roller cola wars, I can’t take it anymore
Verbs are only associated with the most milquetoast, boring stuff. You can’t take it any more because of the cola wars, man? And nearly all of the verbs are helper verbs or otherwise weak, nonjudgemental stuff. Edsel is a no go, you don’t say?
Whereas look at what doesn’t get a verb. Watergate, Malcolm X, Bay of Pigs, Belgians in the Congo, Little Rock, Ho Chi Mihn, Eichmann, MLK not only doesn’t get a verb but doesn’t get mentioned. Does Palestine get a verb? It does not. Russians in Afghanistan? Like are they on vacation or something? Cola wars gets a judgmental verb but not Russians invading Afghanistan?
Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that Billy Joel is a hack but he wrote a mysterious sounding song that seemed political but had good meter and didn’t actually say anything. And you’re doing the opposite, it’s an overly political song with weak meter and way too many verbs if you’re trying to Weird Al Politics Edition the song, which had like eight verbs outside of the chorus, most of which are variations of is, except for the cola and JFK crescendos. Which, Billy Joel sucks but he knows what makes hit records.
Oh and the most active line being JFK BLOWN AWAY, fuck you man. Joel picks the most milquetoast event to have an actually unequivocal strong take on. Oh man, you’re anti JFK assassination. Wow, BOLD.