hi Clovis, I’m in a similar situation with my older parents, except fortunately for them they are sheltered together and more or less doing emotionally ok. Here’s where I’ve been landing: if you’ve been legit conscientious (while in public, getting packages, etc) then it’s really not that risky. But “really not that risky” is unfortunately, at least for me, not enough, not when the less-than-1-outer aftermath is that I am walking around earth for the next fifty years knowing that I infected and maybe killed my parents. So that’s not happening.
What we do is try to plan our visits three weeks ahead, so that the two weeks leading up to it I have a no-joke lockdown where in short I turn my apartment into act three of E.T., where Elliott’s (hey his name begins with an E and ends with a T yall) whole house gets dressed up like a plague doctor or a beekeper or a latex fetishist on tuesdays with clovis, which is really chill my friend, I’m down for consenting adults trying everything twice, seems like you’ve built a good life! But yes I go two weeks to be extra safe, because I got it in my head that for 98% of folks the incubation period is no longer than 12 days (median ~five days), and then adding in the overall uncertainty about asymptomatic carriers, I choose two weeks but it’s obviously not an exact science.
Then after two weeks I go hang out with them for a long weekend, then I go to my sister’s and hang out with my nieces, then it’s back home to the city, then I make a few massive grocery runs the next week, hang out with friends/partners/whatever (e.g. last week I went to my haircutting person’s apartment and got my damn hair cut, a motherfucking scandal I know), then schedule the next visit with my folks, and reset the clock.
(Note this is easier for my family because I live in SF and they live in Berkeley…meaning they can pick me up and there’s no extra exposure associated with my going there)
Man! Your mom’s going to be head over heels happy to see you, and I def agree with LFS that you should schedule a visit as soon as the risk/reward stuff works for you. One of the bummers of this whole thing is that regardless of testing/contact tracing this really might be the way life is for our elderly family and friends for a long time. Maybe if better treatments are found then that will tip the teetertotter enough, but as things stand I can’t imagine that the risk/reward is gonna be worth it for my dad to return to anything close to normal. Whoa this totally sucks!! And more broadly, it’s hard not to imagine a 2020-2021 where it starts really paying off to be a star-bellied sneetch, i.e. being an immune will not only sound dystopian and sinister but will also be potentially super useful! The incentives boggle the mind. Lastly, the idea that we’re going to have an election in November is still…I mean it’ll probably happen but can you imagine it? like can you imagine what September and October are going to feel like? I can’t. And what can we say? Welcome to the world that we deserve. We knew it was coming! But now that it’s here? Feels bad man