If some of our top 10 wasn’t still available, eyebooger and I were considering going that way lol
Nice pick and well deserved!
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Oh shit we have a spite round?
You get a bonus sixth round to pick any old asshole.
Yeah that’s how I’m feeling, I was wishy washy on who to take and then it popped into my head this morning, an asshole apparition appeared before me.
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My pick was so much of an asshole you guys kicked him of the TeeVee… Sad he wasn’t included yet…
Maybe in the spite round? 
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I think we just forgot about him. So many like him that are active that we forget about the retired.
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I didn’t always think my next pick was an asshole. I used to really like this person, but that’s just how things go sometimes I guess. I’m picking this guy:
I first became aware of football way back in the 70's and understood that I was supposed to have a team I rooted for. Dad was a Raiders fan and my older brother was stanning for the Dolphins, but I decided to go with the local team, the New England Patriots.
And they sucked. Year after year after year they were just consistently awful. It went on for decades. Nevertheless, I persisted. I stayed true the whole time.
And then, of course, the dynasty happened and I was rewarded for my loyalty.
Remember ol’ Tommy back in the early days? Remember how humble and likeable he was? How he would only do TV commercials if they featured his entire offensive line?
Yeah, that guy is looooong gone. Instead, now we have doucheyness:
The poor sportsmanship:
The tantrums:
The snot:
The dumb fucking diet that he tried to market to other people:
The hat:
He’s taking this guy’s jersey, because of course he is:
For the love of god Tom, enough. You are an insufferable asshole. Just go the fuck away.
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I hope this doesn’t deflate a bunch of other people’s picks
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God damn I am (was?) a Patriots fan and that pick is fire. I’ll pick shortly.
A fan of any other team ok but thats like trying to score pity points that you had to deal with this guy while being the most successful team in the league over the last 20 years. Ungrateful.
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Correction, tied up with work and won’t be able to pick for a bit. OK being skipped if others are around.
Wow I forgot Fancy Dog used to only do commercials with his line.
Goddamn, he did turn into an asshole.
When’s James fucking Corden appearing here?
the fat late night guy? Seems…harsh
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Typing up now, posting pick shortly.
I’m gonna be legit pissed if I get sniped this round
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The suspense is killing me. I wrote mine up this morning just in case.
I honestly don’t know how this individual has dropped this far, and after filling all this out I think it may be one of the steals of the draft. All I can hope is that I do this write-up justice.
Every team of assholes needs a mouthpiece, and with this pick I think I’ve snagged one of the assholiest of them all. With my final pick, I’m taking homophobe, hater of brown people, and My Little Nazi barbie doll Laura Anne Ingraham.
Laura was born in Connecticut in 1963; ironically, her mother’s parents were Polish immigrants. Her father was, according to Laura’s brother, a Nazi sympathizer. He raised Laura well.
Laura got her first taste of politics as a speechwriter for undrafted-but-only-because-he’s-dead top-tier asshole Ronald Reagan. She later went to law school and clerked for one of the pieces of shit drafted above, Clarence Thomas. No word on how she likes her coke cans.
Despite being an open conservative, including appearing in a New York Times Magazine feature on young conservatives, Laura got her start in broadcasting in 1996 as a host on… MSNBC! Her cable career didn’t last long, and in 2001 she carried on the tried-and-true deplorable tradition of starting her own radio show, which did quite well. Fox News gave her another chance at a show in 2008, when she hosted a three-week trial show, but she didn’t really stick in broadcasting until she got her current show on Fox in 2017, The Ingraham Angle.
Perhaps her inability to catch on as a broadcaster until the presidency of our #1 draft pick was due to the fact that she is, shocker, a garbage human being. Let us count the ways.
- As editor-in-chief of the campus newspaper during her senior year at Dartmouth, she sent a reporter undercover to an LGBTQ meeting and afterwards published a transcript of the meeting with the names of the attendees, describing them as “cheerleaders for latest campus sodomites.” She defended herself by claiming freedom of the press. The faculty adviser later described her as having “the most extreme anti-homosexual views imaginable” and claimed she avoided a local restaurant “where she feared the waiters were homosexual.” Her gay brother, whose partner died of AIDS, has described his sister as “a monster.”
- She is fervently anti-immigrant despite being directly descended from immigrants herself. She criticized Donald fucking Trump for being too pro-immigrant when he considered amnesty for DREAMers. She has referred to family separation as “faux liberal outrage,” has called border crossings a “slow-rolling invasion,” and has said undocumented immigrants are “invading the country.” You may recall that House ML Eric Cantor was defeated by a nobody in 2014; according to the NYT, “few people did more than Ms. Ingraham to propel Mr. Brat… from obscurity to national conservative hero”–she did this because Cantor had expressed support for the DREAM Act and a GOP bill to give pathway to citizenship for young immigrants. She also dismissed asylum claims from Hondurans fleeing violence by saying “it’s not our problem.”
- In addition to her overt displays of white nationalism, like the literally real, actual photograph above of her making a Nazi salute at the RNC in 2016, she has continuously used her platform to dogwhistle and humanwhistle racism and antisemitism. She’s repeated the Soros conspiracy theory. In one of her rants, which was literally endorsed by a former Grand Wizard of the KKK ([UNDRAFTED]), she said:
- She originated the infamous comment that LeBron James and Kevin Durant should “shut up and dribble,” criticizing them as “barely intelligible.” She criticized Stacey Abrams for having an “entitlement mentality” and has claimed that minorities get “special standards, special treatment.”
- She’s compared Planned Parenthood to Hitler. Like, literally. “Hitler, just like Planned Parenthood, practiced and defended mass extermination” with this accompanying picture:
- …Look, there’s more, but I’m fucking done researching heinous fucking quotes that have spewed out of her hateful mouth.
She’s an utterly vile human being and one of the worst pieces of shit to have a microphone in America–hot take, she is more of a fucking asshole than both Hannity and Carlson.
Team:
- Steve Bannon, destroying democracy and installing alt-right regimes worldwide
- Aung San Suu Kyi, overseer of ethnic cleansing, genocide, a crackdown on journalism, and an all-around humanitarian crisis
- Jeff Bezos, rich dweeb
- Brett Kavanaugh, sexual predator, liar, and shitty, partisan judge for the rest of his life
- Laura Ingraham, racist, homophobic, xenophobic real-life Nazi barbie
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