A lot of drafters have been going BAA (best asshole available), but I’m trying to assemble a well-rounded team of assholes. That is why, for my next pick, I’m going with credibly-accused sexual predator and all-around piece of shit, Brett Michael Kavanaugh. He may not have the longest list of victims, but I think he is the most powerful sexual predator remaining on the board due to the incredible influence he will have over the next few decades of American life (and beyond).
Brett is most well-known for being our most-recent appointee for life to the US Supreme Court, but his assholery stretches back decades.
Brett went to high school at noted prep school for assholes Georgetown Preparatory School in Bethesda, Maryland. During high school, he attempted to rape Christine Blasey Ford, an allegation that has been corroborated by: an interview with Ford’s husband, a lie-detector test, and notes from her therapy sessions years before Kavanaugh was a national name.
In college at Yale, Brett was described by one classmate as an “aggressive and even belligerent” drunk. One classmate alleged that Brett put his dick in her face at a party. Another alleged that Kavanaugh and friends would spike punch to get girls inebriated before gang-raping them, and that she was one of the victims.
There was an additional allegation sent as an anonymous letter to a Senator alleging a physical assault of a woman as recently as 1998 in Washington, DC. Let’s be honest–where there’s smoke, there’s fire, and there’s a fuckton of smoke that has been following Brett around his whole life.
Speaking of the 90s, when Brett wasn’t being a sexual predator he was honing his assholery in other ways. While working with Ken Starr in 1993, Brett was influenced by conservative conspiracy theories and reopened an investigation into the gunshot death of Vincent Foster. After three years of re-investigation, they again concluded that Foster had committed suicide. In 1998, again working with Starr, Brett was the principal author of the Starr Report arguing for the impeachment of [UNDRAFTED]. Kavanaugh was noted to have urged Starr to ask [UNDRAFTED] sexually graphic questions, and contributed to the explicit descriptions and extensive level of detail describing [UNDRAFTED]'s sexual encounters with Lewinsky within the report.
In 2000, Kavanaugh joined [A DIFFERENT UNDRAFTED]'s legal team to try to stop the ballot recount in Florida. He was rewarded by joining the administration as an associate of the White House Counsel.
In 2003 he was nominated to the US Court of Appeals for the DC Circuit, but his nomination stalled in the Senate for three years. Dick Durbin once referred to him as the “Forrest Gump” of Republican politics. The American Bar Association eventually downgraded Kavanaugh’s rating from “well qualified” to “qualified”. He was confirmed anyways. Afterwards, two Senators accused him of lying to the Judiciary Committe during the confirmation process when he denied being involved in formulating the [UNDRAFTED] administration’s inhumane detention and interrogation policies, which he definitely did because he was in the office of the White House Counsel. This was backed up by other lawyers who said Brett believed SC Justice [UNDRAFTED] would not approve of denying legal counsel to prisoners detained as enemy combatants. Nothing happened to Brett, because nothing fucking matters.
His decisions have been as horrid as his behavior and always shit on the little guy, often getting overturned by superior courts–but again, nothing matters. He continuously tries to deny abortion rights, dissented when the DC Circuit upheld the ACA, supported challenging the constitutionality of the CFPB, tried to strike down the Clean Air Act, and on and on.
Upon his nomination to the Supreme Court he acted like a complete spoiled brat being justly denied something for the first time in his life. He yelled at Senators during his confirmation hearing and lied repeatedly. He was still confirmed to the Supreme Court, because nothing matters, and his predator ass will now sit in robes for the remainder of his life making the country (and world) a worse place. Fuck you, Brett Kavanaugh.
Team:
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Steve Bannon , destroying democracy and installing alt-right regimes worldwide
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Aung San Suu Kyi , overseer of ethnic cleansing, genocide, a crackdown on journalism, and an all-around humanitarian crisis
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Jeff Bezos, rich dweeb
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Brett Kavanaugh, sexual predator, liar, and shitty, partisan judge for the rest of his life
