Pat Robertson is another guy who I could have sworn was dead.
My team has a chief propagandist and genocidal racist, now we need someone to fund our assholery. For that, I select the richest man in the world and ārichest man in modern historyā (allegedly), Jeffrey Preston Bezos.
It takes a special kind of psychopathy to accumulate $150 billion dollars in wealth. Fun stats:
- He makes over 2,000 a second
- He has more wealth than over 2 million americans
- He would be something like the 50th richest country on earth
- He got divorced, had to give up 25% of his wealth, and was STILL the richest person in the world
Of course, it wasnāt enough for Jeff to hit the lottery during a period of rampant technological speculation. He has spent his career continuing to profit at the expense of the workers that make his company possible, including back at the earliest days: in 2002, due to mismanagement and high spending, Amazon was near bankruptcy, so Jeff just fired 14% of his employees and carried on. Amazonās warehouse workers, the backbone of the company, are practically algorithm-driven robots; they work long hours of intense labor with not even 20 minutes of breaks per shift, and some report getting fired for too-frequent bathroom breaks.
Jeff has also become an expert at tax avoidance. Despite raking in billions in profit each year, Amazon has received more in tax rebates the past few years than it has paid in federal taxes.
With all this money that he didnāt earn and doesnāt deserve, is Jeff at least trying to put on the appearance of humanity? Nope. When asked about his going-to-space vanity project, Blue Origin, Jeff said: āThe only way that I can see to deploy this much financial resource is by converting my Amazon winnings into space travel.ā Amazon winnings. Fuck you, Jeff.
Team:
- Steve Bannon, destroying democracy and installing alt-right regimes worldwide
- Aung San Suu Kyi, overseer of ethnic cleansing, genocide, a crackdown on journalism, and an all-around humanitarian crisis
- Jeff Bezos, rich dweeb
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Bezos definitely second round value in the third.
I donāt blame Bezos. I blame the millions of people that were to lazy to go to the grocery store and instead shopped from home. Iāve never shopped on Amazon. Helll, I probably havenāt been on the website in over a year or 2.
Heās going to blow his fortune on fucking space travel instead of using it to benefit humanity, which is something only a world class asshole would do. I blame him entirely. I commend you for not giving him any business though.
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I donāt want to get too into it here since itās not in the spirit of the thread, but I donāt think Amazon is uniquely evil, just uniquely large. There arenāt a lot of ethical options for buying a toaster oven from your local Mom & Pop. And Mom & Pop are usually assholes themselves anyway.
Thatās not to say Amazon isnāt evil, because it is, and Bezos is most certainly an asshole. But itās relative.
Plus look at how his rocket ship is shaped
Like I know rockets are generally dick-shaped but that thing has a fucking bellend.
No decent human being designs a rocket to look like that.
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When Robert Mugabe died last year there was no great debate about the identity of the new Worst Man in Africa.
Coming to power in a military coup in 1989, my third round selectionās ācareerā has been defined by genocide, war crimes, and crimes against humanity. In 2009 he earned the dubious distinction of being the first sitting president to be indicted by the International Criminal Court, for directing a campaign of murder, rape, and general destruction against the residents of Darfur. He was also massively corrupt and maintained power through election fraud, of course.
Former President of Sudan Omar Hassan Ahmad al-Bashir
Honestly I knew this guy was bad but in doing my research for this writeup it feels pretty empty to call him an asshole. The death toll in Darfur has a variety of estimates but 400,000 seems extremely credible, with an even larger number displaced. It also became clear that Iām not remotely qualified to summarize the breadth and scope of his evil. So Iām just going to paste this information from the International Criminal Court:
Charges The warrants of arrest for Omar Al Bashir list ten counts on the basis of his individual criminal responsibility under article 25(3)(a) of the Rome Statute as an indirect (co)perpetrator including:
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Five counts of crimes against humanity: murder (article 7(1)(a)); extermination (article 7(1)(b)); forcible transfer (article 7(1)(d)); torture (article 7(1)(f)); and rape (article 7(1)(g));
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Two counts of war crimes: intentionally directing attacks against a civilian population as such or against individual civilians not taking part in hostilities (article 8(2)(e)(i)); and pillaging (article 8(2)(e)(v)); and
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Three counts of genocide: genocide by killing (article 6-a), genocide by causing serious bodily or mental harm (article 6-b) and genocide by deliberately inflicting on each target group conditions of life calculated to bring about the groupās physical destruction (article 6-c).
Alleged crimes (non-exhaustive list)
Pre-Trial Chamber I considered that there are reasonable grounds to believe that:
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From March, 2003 to at least 14 July 2008, a protracted armed conflict not of an international character existed in Darfur between the Government of Sudan (GoS) and several organised armed groups, in particular the Sudanese Liberation Movement/Army (SLM/A) and the Justice and Equality Movement (JEM).
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Soon after the April, 2003 attack on the El Fasher airport, Omar Al Bashir and other high-ranking Sudanese political and military leaders of the GoS agreed upon a common plan to carry out a counter-insurgency campaign against the SLM/A, the JEM and other armed groups opposing the Government of Sudan in Darfur.
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A core component of that campaign was the unlawful attack on part of the civilian population of Darfur ā belonging largely to the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa groups ā who were perceived to be close to the organised armed groups opposing the Government of Sudan in Darfur. The campaign was conducted through GoS forces, including the Sudanese Armed Forces and their allied Janjaweed militia, the Sudanese Police Forces, the National Intelligence and Security Service (NISS) and the Humanitarian Aid Commission (HAC). It lasted at least until the date of the filing of the Prosecution Application on 14 July 2008.
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During the campaign, GoS forces allegedly committed crimes against humanity, war crimes, and crimes of genocide, and in particular:
a. carried out numerous unlawful attacks, followed by systematic acts of pillage, on towns and villages, mainly inhabited by civilians belonging to the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa groups;
b. subjected thousands of civilians ā belonging primarily to the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa groups ā to acts of murder, as well as to acts of extermination;
c. subjected thousands of civilian women ā belonging primarily to the said groups ā to acts of rape;
d. subjected hundreds of thousands of civilians ā belonging primarily to the said groups ā to acts of forcible transfer;
e. subjected civilians ā belonging primarily to the said groups ā to acts of torture; and
f. contamined the wells and water pumps of the towns and villages primarily inhabited by members of the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa groups that they attacked; and encouraged members of other tribes, which were allied with the GoS, to resettle in the villages and lands previously mainly inhabited by members of the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa groups.
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Oops. Sorry. You can have him, honestly the reading was horrible.
My big board is in shambles
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Nah, Iām not going to let you have the fun of going twice.
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Damn how did I forget about Darfur. Nice pick.
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If theyād let him do incest with his daughter, that probably wouldnāt make the top ten worst things he has done.
From fueling his company with blood money from Saudi Arabia to treating his employees as independent contractors to avoid paying for the health insurance that they so desperately need to covering up a possible murder by one of his employees and paying off police in the process, this man has committed a multitude of sins that mostly revolve around running a company that has been a constant source of stories about racism, sexism, and all sorts of harassment over the past few decades.
While he was denied his chance at public incest, he got to play out a bunch of fantasies in front of the camera. Beating a one-legged man in a fight. Making a job interviewee give him a lap dance. Dropping the N word. Forcing a woman to get on her knees and bark like a dog. Having almost every woman kiss him. Literally making people kiss his ass.
He plays a character who is an asshole, but that character is really just him playing himself, so heās a natural in the role. Thank God he has sucked at everything outside of one niche form of entertainment, despite his attempts to build an empire, so his assholishness is confined to professional wrestling. Had he been more successful, maybe he would have become president instead of Donald Trump. All that and I havenāt even mentioned the XFL.
There are richer assholes. There are more powerful assholes. But are they bigger assholes than this guy? Weāve had politicians and dictators and billionaires. We need our first pick from the entertainment industry.
Since LFS screwed me, Iām taking Vincent Kennedy McMahon.
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LFS didnāt screw NotBruceZā¦ NotBruceZ screwed NotBruceZ.
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Iām taking this guy
Better known as this guy
Itās not often that you can be categorized as a grade A (or 1) asshole at just 4 years of age, but Isaiah Gregg accomplished it. It was bad enough he climbed over a fence and through some bushes to get a closer look at dear olā Harambe. But then he went and fell like 20 ft into a moat of shallow water, somehow survived the fall, survived being dragged around like a 4 year old by a silverback gorilla, and then survived some more until it got to the point that they had to kill Harambe.
RIP Harambe :(
Pick 3: Isaiah Gregg
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Gotta say, I wasnāt expecting anyone under the age of 18 to make the show.
Edit: Does each participant get an UDFA or two to round out their team?
But of course