I’m going to take a different track for this pick because y’all are leaving some obvious value on the table by drafting people nearing the end of their careers. I’m taking a rookie this round, somebody who’s just getting started and has many years of assholery left to give.
Again, the obvious start to becoming a world-class asshole is to have an asshole parent, especially an extremely wealthy and powerful one who hands you the keys to everything. Sure, some start with nothing and bootstrap their way down to scumbaggery, but so many more are just born into the lowest depths of nepotism.
My draftee got his start at the incredibly young age of 24, being handed a powerful position by daddy that he could not possibly have been qualified for. From there he quickly worked his way up the ranks, aided in no small part by some convenient deaths. Before he had even reached 30 he had achieved an unbelievable degree of power for somebody so young, and he began to wield it on the global stage.
His first big move was dramatic escalation of a regional conflict that is still going and has caused at least 100,000 deaths so far. This was done without a good plan or coordination, and chaos has become one hallmark of the conflict. He then, of course, denied all responsibility for the mess he created.
After washing his hands of that clusterfuck, my draftee dove into his organization’s internecine battles with a scorched earth approach that would have shamed Sun Tzu. When the dust had finally settled, hundreds of billions of dollars had been seized and his position had only strengthened, all of it allegedly done to combat corruption (lol).
As the world increasingly turned to right wing nationalism and populism, my draftee was happily marching alongside, with an approach that was extreme even by the new standards. He continued to amass more and more authoritarian control along the way, and human rights were trampled even further.
There is so much more to write about this precocious young chap, but this is already getting long so let’s skip to the best bit (so far! He’s young!).
A couple years ago my boy just said fuck it and went full Ramsay Bolton. He was so upset by the mean words a portly old gentleman wrote about him and his family that he had the guy straight up slaughtered and dismembere by a fucking gang of 15 people. On video. And they took the dude’s fingers back to my draftee as a trophy. That’s some hardcore shit.
If you hadn’t guessed previously, by now you know I’m talking about the assassination of Jamal Khashoggi and that I’m drafting Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. Thirty four years young, and devilishly handsome to boot. What an asshole.
