It’s pretty obvious that the liberals have an emotional attachment to the capitalists. Folks will point out that these capitalists will, among other things, end life on earth. But the liberals insist that the capitalists must retain the privileges… for what seems purely emotional reasons. The feel the capitalists just need to be regulated a bit better.
This is just like the monarchists in the UK.
There, a significant amount of folks are attached to the ‘royals’ for emotional reasons too. Getting rid of the royals is a non-starter. So our UKian friends came up with a compromise: strip the power from the royals, but let them keep their privileges.
Us USians should do the same with our capitalists.
The 1%, or the top 10% of the 1%, or etc/etc… should be given hereditary privileges over civil society, but be stripped of their power. To coin a word, squishing ‘capital’ and ‘royals’ together, they would become the “Capals”.
Like the royals, the capals would be on a ‘civil list’. They’d get a huge check every month from the government. They would be given castle-like mansions, again paid for by the government. They would never have to get a job.
They would be given “ceremonial” stock shares to our economy, which they could trade among themselves… because we know they really like that hobby. Being the “ceremonial” owner would allow the same perks as today: a sinecure with a fancy office, guaranteed sinecures for all their fail-children, and they could tour the facilities at their whim.
Further, the top 1%, or 0.1%/etc, of all amenities would be reserved for their use… the best tix to the game, hotel rooms, air plane seating, you name it. In short, they’d get to live the life that they’ve become accustomed to.
Sounds like a win-win to me… the liberals, like the monarchists, get to keep the symbols and trapping that they are emotionally invested in. And… we can stop the destruction of life on earth too!
Having a Corp of Capals would be good for other reasons. Just like they do with the royals in the UK, certain deserving folks could be made the equivalent of a “life peer”.
Like, do something over-the-top heroic, like the dude who landed that plane in the river… you get to be capel for life. Congressional Medal of Honor… that makes you a “life capel” too.
The ancient Olympics had a similiar tradition, so this idea goes way back in Western thought. Oftentimes, a winner was granted the right to the “public table” (food and drink) for life.
Yeah, I hear you. Living next to a capal often wouldn’t be pleasant. Something about idleness, decadent wealth and over-the-top privilege seems to bring out the worst in some folks. Especially the fail-children… which they seem to pump out like rabbits.
The fail-parents sure as hell don’t want all the fail-children living near them… any more than we do. But they want to keep them close enough to make it convenient to hire the lawyers fail-children need, cycle them through rehab, and to be able to send the driver to deliver them up on Thanksgiving and Xmas. The beach in San Diego is just far enough away from LA to do the trick. Poor us… we’re like a dumping ground for fail-children.
There was an alcoholic tweaker fail-son running amok on our block. His LA based fail-parents set him up with a mini-mansion in La Jolla, and a apartment building in Missile Beach to provide him with an income. He ended up getting restraining orders against him from a majority of his tenants, and several of us neighbors, for harassment and perverted behavior. That was a while ago, so I assume he ODed, or got institutionalized, at some point.
Of course, some of the fail-children are benign. Another LA fail-family set up their fail-daughter with a retail business, so to speak. They bought her a store front with a unit in back, and made her the boss of the Elephant Atrium, which allegedly sold elephant nick-nacks. We walked by that storefront for 10+ years, and they seemed to move -zero- inventory on -zero- foot traffic.
It was obvious that she was on some kind of specialness spectrum, and the sales clerks were really her sitters. The whole thing could only have been a combination of keeping her close but not too close, and getting a surely fraudulent tax write-off for her care and maintenance. Of course, the fail-family was suspected of laundering money through the storefront too, but we had no way of knowing if that was true.
The fail-daughter herself was not a substance abuser, and was very pleasant and talkative in a slightly incoherent manner. I assume she was eventually institutionalized too.
Lucky for you, the capals won’t be in your nieghborhood. Well some might, but there’d be a website like the sex offenders website to give you a heads up. I’m sure Zillow would track that too… schools near by, lack of capals near by, parks near by, etc/etc.
Remember, the idea is to upgrade the lives of the capitalists… to make the lives of those who already have everything… even better. Here’s how…
The UKian royals got perks money can’t buy. They basically get to live in world class museums and gardens. Money can’t buy that, We have this here in a limited capacity: the Hearst clan of the capitalists have the run of San Simian. For the capals, we’re going to blow this wide open…
Where can’t all their money buy a capitalist home?
How about in Yosemite valley. How about at Montecito. How about in the crown of the Statue of Liberty. This could all be tied into ceremonial ownership too. The ceremonial owner of some cotton empire could live in a slavery era plantation house. The ceremonial owner of a railroad could have a penthouse atop Grand Central Station. The possibilities are legion. Heck, the ceremonial owner of a space station could live there too.
Wait, what? Are you saying you are one of the capitalists?
To be clear, “the capitalists” here doesn’t refer to capitalist fan-boys, it doesn’t refer to the petite bourgeoisie, it doesn’t refer to the just merely well off. Instead it refers to those who live in the multigenerational community of idleness, decadent wealth, insane privileges, and substance abuse. It refers to the proverbial 1%, and as was pointed out, more literally the 0.1%.
The latest UnStuck lynching attempt attracted ~70 voters. If we take that as a proxy for active UnStuckers, and assume UnStuckers are near statistical average here, that would mean we have an expectation of (.001*70 =) 0.07 of the capitalists here among us UnStuckers.
Are you really that rich?
How does it feel to never have to work?
Has your family been spared the epidemic of substance abuse that almost defines the capitalists?
Back awhile, I was doing some work at (former) father-son job shop up in LA’s San Fernando Valley. As an engineer, it’s literally my job to innovate. I suggested to the GM the innovation of rearranging the machines in the order that they are used.
Well, it turned out the GM was the son. When pops retired he sold the business, and the son stayed on as the salaried GM. The purchasers were a San Diego based clan of the capitalists. They wanted their little boy capitalist to be an ‘industrialist’. And they wanted him close, but as they disliked his lifestyle, not too close. So they bought him a mini-mansion in West Hollywood, and the metal shop in the valley.
The GM, who had an engineering degree from UCLA, sighed: “like duh”. He said pops understood work-flow. But when the capitalist took over, he decided to ‘innovate’ too. The capitalist didn’t know anything about the metal forming business, and had -zero- interest in learning about it. His area of interest was Color Theory (which I had to look up). He ‘figured’ that those he called ‘the Mexicans’ (the line workers were majority Guatemalan) would work harder if the machines were rearranged by color instead of work-flow.
I got to meet the capitalist too. The capitalist had had pops old office redecorated like a movie set from Cabaret or something. The capitalist also ‘innovated’ by having a back door to the office installed… so his drug dealer could make his deliveries discreetly. This ‘industrialist’ spent the entire time of our short meet-n-greet intermittently spinning in his desk chair.
I asked the GM if the capitalist was always like this. He said: “as long as he’s being supplied, he’ll stay in his office and spin. That’s a good thing. Otherwise he’ll go out on the floor, start ‘innovating’, and sexually harass the younger male line workers. I got product to ship.”
Sometimes the capitalists would wander into the bar. I remember one night down at the local, not long after a Lakers-Suns playoff game on tv. Four young dudes came in, laughing & grab assing, and seemingly drunk as skunks. Well, it turns out that two were capitalists, one was a normie drinking buddy, and one was a servant. One of the capitalists was too drunk to serve (which, if you were familiar with the bar in question, you’d say “ZOMG was he dead?”), the servant wasn’t drinking.
The capitalists were fail-sons of San Diego based Jenny Craig, the “agriculturist”, or whatever WTF she styles herself as. Jenny owns (or did) part of the Suns. It seems Jenny rarely uses her owner seats. So the two young capitalists, and their entourage, took Jenny’s private plane over to PHX for the game. Sure enough, the capitalist’s smiling faces were in the background of the early game highlights on SportsCenter.
The problem was the young capitalists grew up as Lakers fans before Jenny bought into the Suns. It turned out, after several warnings, they managed to get themselves kicked out of game for rooting for the Lakers… from the Suns owner seats, immediately adjacent to the Suns bench. I guess the NBA frowns on that sort of thing. So the young capitalists said “Fuck this, let’s go back home and get drunk”… and took Jenny’s plane back to San Diego before the game had even finished.
Come last call, the young capitalists begged the bar owner to let them drink after hours. He said “LOL no”, and showed them the door. Us regs stayed after hours and continued drinking (of course), and had a good laugh at the capitalists. ETA: they were all cool dudes to drink with, and the capitalist who wasn’t served bought a few rounds… in a futile effort to be included.
Of course, not all the drunken capitalists who staggered into the bar were cool to drink with. Most of them are assholes, for the obvious reasons. One example I’ll call Billy Jr… as that is his name. He was a reg at our local for a few years.
Billy Jr styled himself as a Hosteler… as he inherited several resort hotels, including two within walking distance of our local, with five bars between them. But that capitalist didn’t like drinking at his own bars, instead he drove to our local. To be fair, his bars sucked, and us locals avoided them too. They wouldn’t let this creep drink after hours either.
One day a down-n-out reg who’ll I’ll call Tony, as that was his name, invited the capitalist to the after-party. The reason Tony was down-n-out (and died young) was he drank like a capitalist, hoovered lines like a capitalist, and avoided work like a capitalist… but unfortunately for him, he didn’t happen to be a capitalist. So him and Billy Jr had a lot in common. He didn’t have a job, but he did have a bindle, and he did have a plan… he’d let the capitalist snort his blow, while he begged the capitalist for a jerb as a dishwasher, or maybe even a bar-back.
What followed was one of the most pathetic, heartbreaking, and revolting spectacles I’ve ever witnessed. Billy Jr snorted up the whole bindle… while every time Tony tried to move the conversation onto a jerb, Billy Jr would launch into a ‘bootstrapping’ screed. As soon as the bindle was empty, Billy Jr drove on off, and Tony started crying (about not having any blow left).
Later, Billy Jr managed to top Tony’s DUI record (~13 IIRC), and got his license pulled. We didn’t see him after that… even though our local was still within walking distance.
Oh, my bad. I never considered what actual royals would think.
In the US at least, we have a historic aversion to royalty anyways. But we love us some military. Maybe a way to organize things would be the Sinecure Service. The capitalists would be given hereditary commissions in this do nothing ‘force’ which would allow them to access all their perks. Like… the best seats at the game would be reserved for members of the SS. Instead of a civil list, they’d be paid a ‘salary’ for their ‘military commitment’. And the mansions would be called ‘bases’. Support the troops and all that!
Heck, they could even pay people to design and make cool SS uniforms for them, which they could wear on the 4th of July or some such nonsense.
Walmart heiress Alice Walton spent the last hour of her 62nd birthday in the Parker County Jail Friday night after being arrested by a Texas Highway Patrol trooper on a charge of driving while intoxicated.
The daughter of Sam Walton, the founder of Wal-Mart Stores Inc., Alice Walton was listed in a recent Forbes listing as the 10th richest person in America worth nearly $21 billion.
Drinking and driving is a particularly favorite hobby of the capitalists. It’s something like the 0.1% cause 1.2% of drunk driving casualties.
Not all of the capitalists, of course, as Jenny’s young ‘agriculturists’ employed a servant who handled logistics and expenditures. But considering a majority of the capitalists are substance abusers, they all think they’re above the law, and an awful lot just aren’t bright… that’s a shit ton of driving blotto.
Let’s talk more about how the capitalists ‘innovate’. Of course we know the net results of the capitalist’s ‘innovations’: bringing the world to the brink of environmental collapse… and the capitalists are trying their hardest to push things over the edge.
Of course, what they’re really good at ‘innovating’ is getting high as a kite. Here’s another representative example of the capitalists at their best…
… Henry T. Nicholas III… and Ashley Fargo were arrested… at the Encore… Fargo was once married to Wells Fargo heir Brian Fargo… The two possessed nearly 96 grams of methamphetamine, 4.24 grams of heroin, 15.13 grams of cocaine, and 17.1 grams of the psychedelic psilocin…
The two capitalists got to buy their way out of trouble, like always. You or me would be looking at life for trafficing. The press mainly reported on the male capitalist, who is a Betty Ford alumni, and has been in-n-out of rehab his entire life. But the female capitalist is more representative of the 0.1%. Both, of course are lifelong substance abusers… like the majority of the capitalists.
Ashley Fargo, Capitalist
Ms Fargo isn’t named after the city in Idaho. Instead, the bank is named after her… so to speak. Ms Fargo, also a lifelong substance abuser, got her money by ‘innovating’ in both of the two oldest ways (inheritance and whoring gold-digging)… she married an heir to the Wells Fargo and American Express fortune, then took some of his money and ran.
