Got a call from my cousin today. She says she wants to give me a heads up about Thanksgiving. She says that their youngest child (15), decided earlier this year to identify as a female, and is now going by a different name. While I’m nominally supportive of trans folks, I’ve never had any close friends or family who are trans so I feel a little out of my depth. My whole family are conservative Christians, and this poor kid is living in Dallas Texas, so I imagine she has a rough road ahead of her. I’m not that close with her, I’d usually see her once or twice a year around the holidays,but she’s one of the sweetest kids I know. I think her mother is clearly uncomfortable with it, but to her credit she told me that she let her know that she loved her and would always be there for her. However I’m worried about the rest of my family and shit that might get said when we all get together and people start drinking. I want her to feel loved and welcome and definitely don’t want to inadvertently make her uncomfortable or say something stupid, but like I said I don’t have too much practical experience in this realm. Any advice or resources that anyone would be willing to share would be appreciated.
I would let her know you’ve got her back and are here to support her. Ask her how you can support her if someone says something out of line. She may prefer a quiet response or to say something loud. I was very happy when my co worker asked me how to support me if I encounter any trouble with a patron.
Just tell her you are on her side
Maybe try and form an alliance with some of the better relatives?
Check in with her first, but I think lots of gently using the right pronouns and the right name, and gently correcting those who don’t is the way to go.
Honestly, I’ve been beating the drum in this thread. But Will and Harper is so fucking good, and it’s targeted perfectly at people who don’t know about these things
Go watch that, and maybe suggest it to some of the relatives?
Are you bringing a partner? Having an adult woman who can do girl stuff with her would probably be pretty sweet. Just remember how fun your favorite aunties/uncles were to hang out with
+1 to asking her how she’d like to be supported. That’s a little awkward if you aren’t very close to her, but you’re the grownup. Maybe get her number and text her.
There were situations where my kid wanted me to advocate vocally and some where he preferred I just STFU. Like even right now one grandparent (my wife’s POS dad) consistently uses the wrong pronouns and my kid, who is very extremely obviously a dude, just wants all of us to ignore him because it isn’t worth it.
Also, not confronting my father-in-law helps make him look like a fool, because he’ll introduce my son (an adult man) to people at the old folks’ home as his “beautiful granddaughter”.
Finished this tonight. You’re right, it was pretty good. A lot more compelling and funny than I expected. I got teary when they were reading the hateful messages and Will started sobbing, wondering if he had failed Harper.
I was extremely nervous but watched this in the common room of my communal house, hoping it would lead to either some good conversations with my housemates or just me feeling more comfortable being the trans girl in a house full of cis women. Mission accomplished on both goals.
One of my housemates opened up to me and let me know her daughter is trans. She told me how hard it was not to accept her but to accept the struggles her daughter would have to go through in this transphobic world. That initially came off to her daughter as though she was rejecting her. But now they are in a good place, her daughter has changed her name legally and her gender market, and she has a good job. She ultimately took from her mom a feeling of self esteem and self respect.
Then there was the other housemate who simply said how brave and kind Will was to go into Texas with Harper knowing how racist and transphobic the state is. Good times.
The house owner also stopped by today and let me know if any of the girls have any problems with me, she is 100% taking my side lol because she’s never had any issues with me. She even started asking people during their intake for their preferred gender identity, because now she knows it’s an important question. You never know, especially with people who are homeless and may not have access to any gender affirming care or clothes.
You guys are very nice. I feel like I would not be nearly as quick to give grace to some old spiteful piece of shit (assuming he is misgendering out of evil and not genuine senility) and would consider pillowing him instead.
Yeah. It had that effortless, gentle feel that almost certainly took incredible amounts of skill and effort to pull off.
I imagine that had thousands of hours of footage and somehow boiled it down to these essential conversations and moments.
Sounds better with your housemates. And more evidence that the best thing to change people mind on trans issues is talking to and seeing trans people.
From a friend of mine.
Not sure if this is sample bias by the trans people I know and follow online but the percentage of trans people with wild coloured hair has to be like 20:1 the non trans community. 
I think so too lol. I guess it has to do with part of trying to come out and live proud. I felt instantly comfortable wearing purple hair for a long time. But it’s been a while and now I prefer a long blonde wig. With my second favorite being long black hair with pink highlights at the ends.
Ya that makes total sense.
Purple seems to be a super popular choice too.