I’m not really following. Probably I’m bad at reading.
The only “issue with the language” discussion that I remember had nothing to do with trans issues.
It was using “they” for a known, cis-gender woman who uses the expected pronouns herself.
Everyone thinks “they” is fine for unknowns, or anyone who prefers they/them.
I agree, it sounds perfectly natural when you’re talking about people who are unknown in the context of the sentence e.g. why don’t you talk to someone at customer services and ask them what they suggest?
When it follows a name it does sound less natural to me (FTR I have no issues with personal choice of pronouns).
Well there are grammar rules that have to do with gendered, singular and plural articles, so I wouldn’t say that ‘nothing changes’, if you’re going to say we should just ignore them all. The gender assumptions are kind of baked into the rules.
But I’m not really bothered by that usage that much in normal conversation. If I were writing something formal, I wouldn’t do it. It just sounds odd to me. But there are probably a lot of other word choices that I also avoid because they sound odd (even if they are not technically incorrect).
I suppose we can look at it non-linguistically if you prefer.
So you’re telling me if I know a trans person, whose pronouns are ‘they/them’, and I use ‘she’ instead, then that is bad. But on the other hand if I know a cis person whose pronouns are she/her, and I use ‘they’ instead, then that is fine? That also seems odd to me.
Maybe. I’ll bet we can find some trans folks who would really be hurt by ‘they’, when a ‘she’ is what is preferred. I’m not sure you saying “But everyone is a ‘they’” is going to help.
My friend purposefully misgendered their pet with a girl’s title and seeing people’s brain crash as they try to justify why my friend “shouldn’t” have done that is hilarious.
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I think you should correct them for their sake. It’s like when people mispronounce my wife’s name and she’s like, “It doesn’t bother me.” But I know that I have been mortified the few times in my life when I realize, sometimes months or years later, that I’ve been saying someone’s name wrong. Even if they don’t care, I do.
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Yeah, that’s fair. I’m probably projecting because my daughter (6 years old) definitely identifies as a girl and is a little offended when misgendered. 
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I know that’s my instinct too, but I’m not sure if it’s always right. I mean that’s why misgendering a trans person bad, right? Because it does matter, a lot.
What we definitely want to avoid is the reaction that it’s bad for a boy to be called a girl because girls are weak or inferior or whatever, the toxic shit we grew up learning.
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I’m probably closer to cassette on this one. I correct people that he may encounter again and just forget about it for randoms.
Actually while we’re sharing on the topic, do you really have no preference on whether your kids are cis/trans or gay/straight? I have kids about the same age as yours I think, and if I could choose, I’d snap choose cis/straight. Like you, I would do my best make sure they turn into whatever they want to be be. And of course, I would love them the same no matter what. The only reason, is that if they’re cis/straight it will make their lives easier.
I get that even my thinking that is part of what makes it harder for people who aren’t cis/straight. I guess, I’m just not that good a person. So, for me it’s a hard teaching them that none of that shit is important (which is what I strive to do) while at the same time having a preference for pragmatic reasons.
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I have a similar experience to both of you.
My daughter takes great offense and my son doesn’t give a shit.
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Yeah, it’s purely hypothetical. There is no choice. It’s like someone flipped a coin somewhere and I want it to be heads. But it is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it. But I want it to be heads and at the same time I’m trying to teach them that it doesn’t matter.
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It’s a bit odd since it goes against conventional grammar rules. I had to think to myself, “Oh they’re referring to El Scherker” when I saw it at first glance.
But the context for it mattering a lot is a society that attacks them for living as their chosen gender.
If we came through the other side of this and gender really didn’t matter in the same way and we all werent so rigid, then trans people could probably go back to being like JTs kid and not giving a shit.
Having my brother as a role model here has changed my view. Hes flourishing as a trans dude with literally no negatives.
If youre gonna be cool about it, then they will be fine. Think how much things have got better im the last few years now project that out by 15. They good.
Just be careful because “im just worried you wont be happy” is a major trope with parents handling their kids coming out pretty poorly or putting pressure on them to be someone they arent.
Edit. Also transitioning as a teen/kid is gonna make them much happier than transitioning as an adult with all the messed up trauma that comes with that.
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That doesn’t seem right to me. Even in a society with zero transphobia, many (most?) people would still strongly feel that a particular gender is a core feature of who they are. It’s not like everyone would be gender-fluid if there was no prejudice against doing so.
I’ll take your word for it, but I’d still be worried that he might be a victim of a hate crime if he was traveling somewhere. Stuff like that.
I actually already face a similar problem right now. Deep down, I worry for my daughter more than my son. Why? Because in this world, it’s easier to be a man. I don’t wish she were a boy, obviously. And of course, being an woman is far easier than being trans, so I barely even think about it. But even though I love them the same, I worry more just a bit more about bad stuff that can happen to her.
What’s the penalty if one breaks this law?
These two things are linked. He is cis passing or “stealth”. Hes therefore probably safer as a trans man than he would be a woman.
Male privilege for trans men is a well discussed thing. Trans women get a much harder time.
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