Yeah I learned this the hard way six times. The 7th girl is supposed to arrive on Friday though, glad something seems like it’s finally going to work out.
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There’s a short documentary kinda thing on netflix called “Love Me” about several guys who use this specific mail order bride website. They have a variety of outcomes, but one dude ends up spending $15k (they charge $10 per message) and is pretty sure the girl was never interested. He’s still open to giving it another shot though.
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Okay, not online dating but I’ve been out of the dating game since covid hit and prior to that I made a New Year’s resolution to get back into it. I met a Finnish girl while playing poker who was pretty cool and I opted to go out on a date with her.
I am highly unlikely to go out with her again.
The stuff she was talking about was genuinely interesting but I had no frame of reference to add to the discussion. So due to the lack of context, I couldn’t really participate in the conversation. All I could do was listen to her. So, she monopolized the conversation and she spent 80-85% of the conversation talking while I politely listened. She appeared a bit self-aware of it because it became hard to maintain my focus at times, partly due to boredom but also because I didn’t know how to get a word in.
She was also super-negative. She definitely hinted at a dark and unpleasant past. It was an overload of negativity in one date. When she was bashing Finland, I thought it was a great opportunity to lighten the mood with my experience interacting with them. But instead of cracking a smile at what I thought was a comically absurd comparison of them to recently resurrected zombies who love public transportation, she stone-faced agreed with me.
The thing that bothered me was that after some reflection, I realized that I was once very similar. I was too cynical and never offered a way for the person I was dating to contribute to a conversation because the girl had no frame of reference to rely on. So, my experience with this first date was basically the same experience nearly every girl had with me during a first date. And it hit me hard.
If a date is going well, I try to extend it by going somewhere else together but man it was rough.
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Live look in from SUBob’s date
Fwiw, I’ve known a few Scandis in my time, and they are all very literal and, not exactly negative, but realistic. While we have platitudes like “hey, how was your day?” And 95% of the time we get a response of “good” or “fine.” Scandis will reply to that question with their true feelings about how the day went, good or bad. It’s kinda fascinating. Of the 5 or so Scandi natives I’ve been close to, they were all like that.
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Yeah I know. But this one was pretty much just pouring out like every negative element of her past on a first date. It’s one thing to be realistic. It’s another to talk about how much you hate your own family and why you do so.
Cheap therapy for her, sounds like. Profile: Buy me dinner. I will listen to you complain for an hour.
Eta: I’m sympathetic. I don’t exactly have the gift of gab so I often end up just listening to people. This could be a reason I’ve never dated much.
Yeah it looks that way. I mean I wasn’t much of a therapist. More like a guy listening and mostly not responding. So I’m not sure I helped much.
Lacking a frame of reference is why I now try not to talk about my travelling much and focus more on learning about the girl. My experiences are different from most and might be a bit hard to connect with without ample context.
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I think this like 50 year old I used to work with is dtf. I’m 29 and nervous.
Let her take the lead man. Women at that age tend to know what they want
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A whole new spin on “let’s go have a pint sometime.”
If she’s hot, then no biggie.
From someone who had a fling with a woman 10+ years older than him when he was 25 - take the plunge, it’ll do you the world of good.
I’m almost 100% certain that I saw my upcoming Bumble date today…walking with her husband/boyfriend who was pushing a stroller. I mean we locked eyes for what felt like a solid minute but was likely 10 seconds or so. She looked dead on like the photos (which I guess is a positive since most people don’t).
Now, she was walking slightly behind him. So maybe it was someone else that she happened to be close to. Or maybe she’s distancing herself from her husband and infant child and using Bumble to cheat on him. Or maybe she has a doppleganger. I can’t get this out of my head and I doubt she’d admit to using apps to cheat even if I swore that I wouldn’t tell anyone.
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Pretty sure I should still go on the first date. It is a first date after all. So the stakes are quite low.
But still gotta take it slow and keep my eyes open.
Anybody with experience in this area?
What about asking her on the first date. “I was out walking yesterday and saw a woman who looked remarkably like you around (x location and time) did I get lucky to randomly see you or do you have a twin somewhere in the city?”
Make it a playful and fun question. If she affirms you can show interest in the people she was with and get an answer there. If she says shes never been to that area, take her at her word and realize you saw a lookalike.
People ive never met before in my life often (and I mean more than the average im sure) tell me I look like someone they know. Ive had people approach me and call me by a different name and say “Oh its been years.”
Some people just have one of those faces
The 2 Occam’s razor explanations are it’s not her, or it’s her and she was with her ex.
Obviously you should still go on the date for the purpose of following up on the story and reporting back to us.
Definitely wasn’t her. Though whoever it was, she is/will be cheating on her partner at some point in the future.
The date went quite well until I mentioned not wanting kids. The vibe changed on the spot and that was it. What’s most infuriating is that her profile mentioned nothing about wanting kids (listed as “not sure yet”) while mine clearly mentioned not wanting kids.
Normally, guys get hit with the not reading profile thing but women kind of fuck that up too sometimes. Thankfully, it was just 90 minutes.
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That’s a hell of a read based on walking by someone on a street.
My guess is that a lot of people don’t take “I don’t want to have kids” seriously. The world is full of loving parents who at one point sincerely said “I don’t want to have kids”. Given where you are in life, I think you ought to be taken more seriously than most. But I think it’s hard to know how likely someone is to follow through on that until you meet them. I suspect that while she read the profile, she did not figure out that you were serious until that moment, and then that was it.
I’m almost 40 and date people my age. By now, people are supposed to know their family plans.
Only reason I date people claiming they aren’t sure about kids is because I suspect many who do don’t want kids but don’t want to be stigmatized for it. Guess she forgot to update her profile.
Anyway, I doubt it would’ve gone too far anyway. She claimed to have no hobbies or interests which is incredibly weird to me.