It is forward. There is no way around being forward when you are poly. That’s why I mentioned if your wife is willing to be your wing woman it can help a lot. Sad truth is it will always be much more difficult for you to find secondary partners than it will her.
Isn’t that the point? I was under the impression you were looking for something more than a friend.
It’s just a feeling out date. 30-45 minutes and you can direct the convo where you want and see if she’s receptive. If not, no harm, no foul. If yes, you can move the date somewhere more interesting or set something up for a future date.
There is often a feeling out time where you are each trying to figure out what the others intentions are without asking. I tend to let this go a little to make sure she is comfortable but to eventually cut to the point. I’m not scared of rejection and I let her know I’m ok with it so she isn’t scared to say no.
If she knows your wife or is in your social circle make sure she is ok with being outed.
Seems like a reasonable approach.
FYI those currently in the dating game, we are having a Watch party on an episode all about modern dating.
Are you sticking to online dates or will you be eating a pint six feet apart?
Bernie is either the cause of, or solution to, all of life’s problems. Both are equally likely.
I guess online ice cream eating
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Somehow I get a lot of Asians and some Russians giving me a like recently(got Tinder Gold so I know who likes me) either from somewhere in a 200km radius or living 8000km away. I have no fkn idea how I end up in their tinder suggestions. Not that I wouldnt be open to it but I am more afraid its just a scam. Had anyone else experienced something like this?
It’s a scam
“Hey guys, this crazy cute asian girl from 3000K away says she wants to meet me, and it will only cost me 800 dollars to wire her the money for a plane ticket! Sounds like a steal to me”
Yeah I learned this the hard way six times. The 7th girl is supposed to arrive on Friday though, glad something seems like it’s finally going to work out.
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There’s a short documentary kinda thing on netflix called “Love Me” about several guys who use this specific mail order bride website. They have a variety of outcomes, but one dude ends up spending $15k (they charge $10 per message) and is pretty sure the girl was never interested. He’s still open to giving it another shot though.
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Okay, not online dating but I’ve been out of the dating game since covid hit and prior to that I made a New Year’s resolution to get back into it. I met a Finnish girl while playing poker who was pretty cool and I opted to go out on a date with her.
I am highly unlikely to go out with her again.
The stuff she was talking about was genuinely interesting but I had no frame of reference to add to the discussion. So due to the lack of context, I couldn’t really participate in the conversation. All I could do was listen to her. So, she monopolized the conversation and she spent 80-85% of the conversation talking while I politely listened. She appeared a bit self-aware of it because it became hard to maintain my focus at times, partly due to boredom but also because I didn’t know how to get a word in.
She was also super-negative. She definitely hinted at a dark and unpleasant past. It was an overload of negativity in one date. When she was bashing Finland, I thought it was a great opportunity to lighten the mood with my experience interacting with them. But instead of cracking a smile at what I thought was a comically absurd comparison of them to recently resurrected zombies who love public transportation, she stone-faced agreed with me.
The thing that bothered me was that after some reflection, I realized that I was once very similar. I was too cynical and never offered a way for the person I was dating to contribute to a conversation because the girl had no frame of reference to rely on. So, my experience with this first date was basically the same experience nearly every girl had with me during a first date. And it hit me hard.
If a date is going well, I try to extend it by going somewhere else together but man it was rough.
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Live look in from SUBob’s date
Fwiw, I’ve known a few Scandis in my time, and they are all very literal and, not exactly negative, but realistic. While we have platitudes like “hey, how was your day?” And 95% of the time we get a response of “good” or “fine.” Scandis will reply to that question with their true feelings about how the day went, good or bad. It’s kinda fascinating. Of the 5 or so Scandi natives I’ve been close to, they were all like that.
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Yeah I know. But this one was pretty much just pouring out like every negative element of her past on a first date. It’s one thing to be realistic. It’s another to talk about how much you hate your own family and why you do so.
Cheap therapy for her, sounds like. Profile: Buy me dinner. I will listen to you complain for an hour.
Eta: I’m sympathetic. I don’t exactly have the gift of gab so I often end up just listening to people. This could be a reason I’ve never dated much.