Nuclear Holocaust Strategies

Disclaimer, because people take things far too seriously, this isn’t meant to be a “serious” topic, but, given our day and age, may be useful to discuss.

If the nukes went live and your phone lit up with a CNN notification that said they’re going to land in 30 minutes, what do you do?

I have had nothing but time on my hands and developed what I believe is a very successful post nuclear holocaust strategy, but I want to hear some other ideas first.

Wonder whose phone I was holding. Then die.


I’m just going to feed my dog treats and die happy looking at her smiling, happy face. The end.


Yeah nuclear war is one of the ones I’ve basically just been in ‘welp I’m dead’ mode about my whole life. Let’s be real if you live near a major military base you’re screwed and I’ve never been more than a couple of hundred miles from one. Usually <50 miles come to think of it.

This doesn’t mean I don’t have other stuff I want to feel safer about. I just don’t think Nuclear war is particularly likely (I know that’s not the point of the thread) but that civilization is highly likely to collapse during our lifetimes… so that seems like the thing I should waste my idle thoughts on.

I suppose I’m going to spend 30 minutes in extreme disoriented panic and mental agony, and then get vaporized while wondering how bad it is to get vaporized.


Ok yea this happened in another channel I was in, everyone just wants to die, so I’m clearly not going to get good ideas! I don’t blame you though. If I had family or anything like that I’d probably just want to be with them in my final moments.

However, I refuse to die by anything but my own idiocy, so here’s my plan:

I keep a go bag in my car. It is a pretty fast car. it always contains a month’s supply of any meds I think I would need, some cash, copies of critical documents, several liters of water in the trunk with it, some pet food for my cat, and a really light weight tent/space blanket. I don’t know why I started doing this other than when covid started things looked pretty bad and I did some light prepper stuff and it’s kind of weirdly fun so any time I thought of something, I added to it.

However, this is all moot if I don’t survive the blast. I am ~60 miles from LA. If we got 30 mins advanced warning, I think I could get 120 miles away from ground zero. There’s a chance the EMP radius could knock out the electrical systems in my modern car, but I should be safe from the initial blast.

If I lose the car, things get a little rough and my odds of survival go way down. I’d have to procure another one somehow, and it’d have to be an older vehicle. My plan though is to head towards the desert. No major cities are out there that would be nuked. Another reason is in the southwestern US, the winds usually blow from east to west, which would keep the fallout a little bit away from me.

Once immediate safety is established, I would begin phase 2 - finding shelter.

I’ve read that cockroaches are the species most likely to survive a nuclear war, so my plan is to metamorphose Kafka-like into a bigass roach.


The roads will be packed with cars full of people trying to do the same thing, none of them moving. You’d be lucky to make it out of your neighborhood.

I’d buy a pack of cigarettes and spend a half hour chain smoking.


I thought about this a lot and know the freeways around here really well and with my go bag strat feel I’d beat the major traffic.

If I can make it through the toll roads south, which go a lot of the way to san diego, I can then jet east and have a pretty good distance from the blast, I think. these southbound freeways are rarely busy.

I’d have to high roll the nuke not coming at rush hour though, admittedly.


yea this is an entire topic of its own. I really do think I solved this problem though, from the particular place I am. I live less than 30 seconds from a freeway entrance and could be on private toll roads south within 2 mins. I’ve timed it (dont judge me please I get bored)

You and my uncle would have really long discussions about this.

Might even provide you with a place in his underground bunker.

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I would think being single be even more likely to just let it go and die, post nuclear holocaust isn’t going to be a fun time and even less alone


lol, I know it’s ridiculous. I laugh at people that invest in bunkers and shit, but like, even billionaires are doing that now so makes you wonder.

for me it is a total freeroll. i dont care if i die and dont have anyone to take care of except my cat, who ive already given a long and happy life to. if the nukes launch, let’s go!

Just enough time to start S4 of WWDITS.

I’m cracking open this Side Project BBA stout I have in my cabinet and putting on some Tyler Childers to share with my wife and dog. It’s been real. Might even post a nice shitpost here for the hell of it.



Paradoxically, they are the same people spending money flying to Mars and terraforming it.

My point: Billionaires spend money on things because it’s entertaining not because they actually need them.

Driving south takes you closer to two of the largest military bases in the country, which will be even bigger targets than LA.


you think any nuke in this scenario would be tactical?