Nothing better you can do for your long term health than strength training. And of course the mental health/mood benefits too.
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My partner and I are having significant issues with intimacy. I’ve been a basket case for seven years and she hasn’t felt safe being vulnerable and intimate around me in a long time. I was already a train wreck due to the CPTSD and DID, but then I got a traumatic brain injury in 2018 that made everything so much more intense. I’m surprised she’s still with me. She admitted she’d recently developed a crush on someone else but hadn’t done anything about it.
We are headed to couples therapy next Friday. I am doing everything I can not to lose my mind. But I’m having a hard time not catastrophizing and seeing this as the first red flag that the relationship is going to end. She will move on to someone else who isn’t plagued by my disabilities. We’ve almost split up before, once or twice as my decision.
Everything is complicated by me being disabled and depending on her to be the breadwinner. Even if we split up, we’d still be living together. Which leads me to believe that if the disability is approved in May, there could be a quick and sudden shift in the dynamic. No idea what direction that would go.
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Mental health has been a mess for 6 plus months. Worse lately. I’ve been in an up state for 6 solid weeks.
Ive been feeling a little overwhelmed and so I wrote I list of what I need to deal with right now.
- Having a baby
- Moving to another country (with the baby)
- Doing a really hard, stressful job with a bunch of assholes.
- Dealing with a serious mental illness
- Caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s and putting him into a care home
- Finishing a hard masters degree.
- Planning to start a business
Writing it down made me realise how fucking stupid this is, but realising that and doing something about it are two different things.
With being up, I feel like a shark that drowns if it doesn’t keep swimming.
so long as I’m doing something at full pace I feel relatively normal, but these brief moments where I get time to reflect and oh boy, it’s not good.
Like sitting in a car as a passenger with no internet for an hour and realising I’m so elevated it feels like I’ve done a gram of cocaine. That shit is not normal.
The hard part is that the job is the least important and least enjoyable part. I would quit tomorrow if I could. But between generous parental leaving and a few other bonus/leave timings, if I can hold on until September I basically get a years pay for doing nothing while we have the kid.
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Sorry you’re having a hard time. That’s a lot on your plate. I would feel overwhelmed and disregulated. Sounds like it could be worth the payoff? But we need you healthy enough to appreciate the fruits of your sacrifice too.
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therapy is expensive, getting lost in the woods & never being seen again is free
I’m sorry if you’ve already discussed this, but are you on a mood stabilizer or an SSRI?
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/premium/article/schizophrenia-under-diagnosed-women
Women also fly under the radar because estrogen has long been known to play a protective role, part of the reason women have a slightly lower rate of illness than men.
With the brain bathed in the hormone following puberty, females who are at risk spend their teenage years establishing relationships and thriving in school. This provides major support when they succumb a few years later, says John Krystal, chair of psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine. Meanwhile, boys get sick before this crucial social period, a possible reason why males with the disease can be cut off from society and end up on the streets.
But when the protective hormone is withdrawn during menopause, some who avoided earlier psychosis get a later onset. Having a first experience after age 40 is uncommon, but it may include up to 15 percent of the women with schizophrenia—twice the percentage of men who have schizophrenia onset after age 40.
This sounds a lot like what my friend is going through. Her problems came up right around menopause. But we did see a few signs of this over the years, which would lend credence to the idea of estrogen holding it back. We think she was on hormone replacement for a while, but we know she’s not now.
I would be amazing if we could somehow get her to a doctor and all she needs is some estrogen. Her suspicion of doctors and prescription medicine in general is really not helping here. All this alternative medicine/wellness crap is all fun and games until something serious happens and someone refuses to get the help they need.
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schizophrenia as a diagnosis seems to be wrongly perceived
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And misdiagnosed?
As a kid I was misdiagnosed. It was the 80s and 90s and no one understood schizophrenia or Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Solipsism explains it all, imo
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That would be amazing.
You’ve got me so curious. My symptoms got a lot better once I was on estrogen-based hormone replacement therapy.
Also a cocktail of meds, with the basis now being escitalopram.
I think, therefore you are a projection of myself.
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I’m not. I’ve been reluctant up to this point on the grounds that
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I’ve been highly functional while managing via exercise, behaviour, and cognitive stuff
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There’s always potential for downsides with medication.
On my current run, I’m reconsidering that, as I am not highly functional right now and it’s impacting my work. Current run rate is not sustainable.
I think the main difference right now is my job, it’s been a sustained period of stress and elevation triggers for 10 months. Whereas previously I would have long periods of work stability that would serve as a leveler. That’s not the case now, it’s non stop stress and pressure.
It also doesn’t give me the joy and nourishment that it previously used to, it’s all downside and stress.
So. I either need to significantly change my job, or do something different with medication, probably both.
There’s 4 and half months before the earliest date I could go on paternity leave.
I’ve got two months of paid sick leave accrued, I’m considering taking large chunks of this to break up the time left and make it bearable/less destructive for my mental health.
The downside is this would basically burn bridges with my company and damage a professional network and personal brand that I’ve built up for 6 years. Because even in today’s enlightened age. A senior manager going off for weeks on stress leave is not viewed favourably.
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Would just say that while there’s always the possibility meds will have a negative impact, there’s also a chance you find a medication that has little to zero negative side effects for you.
I hope you find something that works for you. You deserve to be healthy.
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I’m not sure if I need advice or another perspective or just to share, but here goes.
My partner and I have been together for about three years now, and living together for about 10 months. She has struggled with depression for years, but at the end of January things came crashing down. Essentially, she was overloaded, over-stressed at work. And then her beloved cat passed away. Their bond cannot be overstated, and I assume triggered this.
We both see a therapist and I know she takes some medication for depression. But the last couple of months are unlike anything I’ve experienced, either personally or in another person. She acknowledges the depression, and says she’s never had a period like this before.
She has had to stop working, taking a medical leave of absence. She stays up much of the night watching old TV shows that bring her comfort, or enjoying her hobbies. Last night she came to bed at 4 a.m. … some mornings she wakes up and just starts crying because she’s already exhausted. Some nights she comes to bed and I wake up to her tears. She is looking to extend her medical leave of absence from work. She doesn’t see friends often and is resistant to going out. Some of this was always there, but has been exacerbated.
We have good days. Then there are really hard days.
Everyone basically tells me there isn’t anything I can do except be supportive. But I’m having a hard time really understanding what I’m seeing. On some level I know what I described is classic depression. And, I feel like an asshole because I am judging. It’s hard to watch someone stay up all night and then have no energy. And yet I know she’s doing all she can.
Somehow in all this, we’ve decided living together isn’t the right thing for us as a couple. And now she’s looking to adopt a new feline friend. … Her therapist says don’t make any rash decisions, but I’m not sure either of these are. … to some extent me moving out (no set timeline) is separate from the depression issues, but also of course not entirely and needs to be mentioned here.
She isn’t doing some basic things that are commonly associated with addressing depression. Her sleep is irregular, her diet isn’t great, she doesn’t exercise much. She does see a doctor, and has some blood work pending to look for causes of exhaustion. My therapist has suggested her antidepressant medication needs updating and I agree, but asking or discussing can feel like I’m being overbearing.
I guess my question is, is there anything I can do? It seems like maybe the most important thing is not to make things worse by judging whatever form of self care she needs.
This is all taking a toll on me, of course, but I think a chunk of what I feel is the result of either not knowing what to do or feeling there isn’t anything I can.
thanks for listening.
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My advice is help, don’t tell on some really key things.
- exercise
- sleep
- diet
- sunshine
Things like.
Cooking/buying her healthy food. Making sure there’s good fresh fruit available for snacks. Encourage her to join you for a walk. Even if it’s just 5 minutes around the block. to sit outside with you in the sunshine. Take vitamins and offer her some with a glass of water/soda/milk.
Try and offer help to sleep better, help her wind down earlier, invite her to bed for cuddles before you go to sleep and make sure the lights are off.
And yeah. You know not to judge. But the important thing is to show her you aren’t judging. Be kind, be supportive, 100% of the time. Only judging 1% or 0.1% of the time won’t get you there.
Mentally people don’t do the right things for their mental health… Because they are having mental health issues. It’s cycle.
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Obviously everyone is wired differently. But any time I’ve gotten depressed, I was better off having a job to distract me from my own thoughts. The worst was when I had no job or a job I could just blow off.
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