It’s going to be fine Johnny, I have no doubt you are leading your family well.
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Thanks for letting us share that piece of what you’re going through with you <3
It’s normal to feel like you do right now. You’re not alone.
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What are you not getting traction on?
I talk to my mum sometimes, It’s usually about stupid stuff. It generally makes me feel a bit better but sometimes I have a little cry.
We love you Johnny!
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As an atheist, I have found great comfort from applying the Buddhist version of the 12 steps 
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We admitted our addictive craving over alcohol or other dysfunctional/compulsive behaviors, and recognized its consequences in our lives.
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Came to believe that a power other than self could restore us to wholeness.
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Made a decision to go for refuge to this other power as we understood it.
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Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
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Admitted to ourselves and another human being the exact moral nature of our past.
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Became entirely ready to work at transforming ourselves.
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With the assistance of others and our own firm resolve, we transformed unskillful aspects of ourselves and cultivated positive ones.
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Made a list of all persons we had harmed.
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Made direct amends to such people where possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. In addition, made a conscientious effort to forgive all those who harmed us.
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Continue to maintain awareness of our actions and motives, and when we acted unskillfully promptly admitted it.
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Engaged through the practice of meditation to improve our conscious contact with our true selves, and seeking that beyond self. Also used prayer as a means to cultivate positive attitudes and states of mind.
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Having gained spiritual insight as a result of these steps, we practice these principles in all areas of our lives, and make this message available to others in need of recovery.
Anxiety. … Home insurance company is demanding some fixes or they drop my insurance. This basically froze me in my tracks–it’s taken me a while to start calling, for instance, tree trimming services.
But … then a friend who has an abusive husband called to say she’s having a protective order put in place, and her husband has repeatedly threatened to kill me because he suspects some romantic relationship between us.
So. … Now I’m anxiety-ing x10, BUT also just messaged a tree service. So hey, perspective ftw?
Seriously, I’m about to go see the local police to ask what they recommend. Dude is being served today, apparently, and I and his wife fear he could escalate. Wtf.
Ok, good opportunity to meditate?
There’s a part of me that is so disbelieving of this shit that my internal voice says something like, “you’re just using this situation to avoid dealing with the house, blah blah blah”
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Anyone have suggestions for finding a therapist under pandemic conditions? I mean video sessions I guess. Cost is a problem. Rates I see on the Psychology Today sight are $100-150 which I’m not saying are unreasonable but but my current income is zero.
I’m under stress from multiple directions and sometimes it’s just crushing. Therapy has helped in the past. Short of that I’m thinking of starting a blog thread a la what @zarapochka described and letting it rip. It holds me back that I could be easily doxxed but feeling like there’s not much to lose.
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Gf (therapist) says: on psych today you can look for pre-licensed therapists that operate on a “sliding scale” which takes into account income. With no income you’ll be at the bottom of the scale. (Licensed therapists also often have sliding scales, you can email and ask). Your local community may have community service boards or non-profits which offer cheap/free counseling. She saw people for as low as $5 when she was an intern.
“We’re therapists, we’re flexible :)”
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Do you qualify for Medicaid in your state?
Yeah, check this. Medicaid has fully covered therapy in every state I’ve worked in. If you’re using COBRA between jobs then private insurance often isn’t bad either ($25-$40 copay is pretty common) depending on policy. Therapy typically falls under the “office visit” copay that might be listed on the front of your card.
Self-help is also a legitimate secondary option with documented benefits. A search for “Self-help CBT for (condition)” should get you some research-backed DIY options. This isn’t a perfect replacement for therapy, but it’s absolutely worth a look.
I think the attached was already linked in this thread but I’m going to throw it back in for recency: https://www.psychologytools.com/assets/covid-19/guide_to_living_with_worry_and_anxiety_amidst_global_uncertainty_en-us.pdf. This mostly focuses on anxiety/worry but is a decent example of what to look out for.
ETA: Hokie gives good advice. Further, if there is a university nearby you can often get highly discounted (like $3/session) or free services through their training clinic. Service quality may vary, but you can always ask for your provider’s supervisor to weigh in and make sure that you’ve got some Ph.D. level insight into your case.
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FWIW I was on Medicaid for a year or two after law school while I was doing LSAT tutoring and looking for a real job (and failing, hence the need for therapy). The options for therapists that accepted Medicaid were pretty limited and the place I ended up going to was clearly a pretty bare bones operation that seemed to be 100% Medicaid patients. With that said, the therapists I spoke to there were all very caring and, in my opinion, good at their jobs.
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I also want to add that you should definitely check with your exact insurance policy before assuming you’ll be paying under a copay as described above. Sometimes this requires hitting your deductible first, and some insurance providers may also require a preauthorization in order to pay for services.
For anyone curious about your insurance benefits, you can always call the customer service line on your card for a benefits and qualifications breakdown. The cpt (billing) code for a standard 53-60 minute therapy session is 90837. A ~40-45 minute session falls under 90834. The “diagnostic interview” code (often used for the initial intake assessment) is 90791.
I’ll look into it. I have been here less than a year. Last year probably no. The rules changed, I think. This is one of my issues, that applying for jobs and filling out forms and basic stuff like that I need to do to get on with life fills me with anxiety. Like upcoming exams used to do in school. I did my taxes yesterday bc I procrastinated as usual and it just hate that kind of thing so much.
Edit: Ha, looking at the Utah medicaid site, I’ve already found an example of why I hate this shit so much. According to the link from the main page, I would not be eligible. But the program was expanded end of 2019 and according to the pages for the expansion, which aren’t linked on the main page, I would be eligible.
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If he has threatened to kill you, you can get your own protection order. If you have evidence of thethreat, bring it to the cops, but your word is good enough for the protection order. Most places have it set up so you don’t need a lawyer.
Thanks. You make it sound appealing. I don’t have a clear reason for doxxing fear. I’m not remotely famous and the number of people who genuinely care about me irl is small. Could be just general paranoia about privacy. There is some worry it would affect future job prospects. Which, ok is an issue. I’m not working now and I need to to be independent. Though I can’t imagine it being relevant to a prospective employer, who knows.
Also there are two particular people I wouldn’t want to read what I have to say because I don’t want to hurt them and can’t afford to lose any more friends. I’m not sure I could be entirely open and honest and that would defeat the purpose of the thing.
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To everyone else, thanks for your comments and suggestions. I’ll look into finding cheap therapy. I don’t believe that option exists at my local university unless you’re a student. It would be great if it did bc I did that there when I was a student and it was helpful.
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I can totally relate. Like taxes, the ACA signup stuff is pretty mindless and mostly consists of clicking yes and no and entering personal info, so if you’re worried it’s going to turn into a big ordeal it likely won’t. With stuff like that, I like to just start an evening/afternoon by opening the website and signing in, then putting on TV or music or whatever and working my way through it at whatever pace I choose. If it takes 6 hours to fill in a few forms, that’s ok - you still get to check off that accomplishment at the end of the day.
Regarding your edit - the website should tell you if you qualify once you enter your info. If you’re in Utah it looks like you will qualify, which is fortunate. My SIL lives in SC, makes below poverty income, but doesn’t qualify because they refused to expand Medicaid.
In any case, props to you for starting to tackle this in whatever direction you end up choosing.
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For me it is making phone calls. I have had to call various doctors for about 3 weeks now and still haven’t. Usually it takes my therapist prodding me to get me to do stuff like that.
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+1 to this
I am an incredibly talented procrastinator, and am aware of my procrastination–which just makes it worse. Like you and catface say it becomes much easier once you overcome the “getting started” step. My taxes have been weighing on my to-do list for months and I did them in 45 minutes last night once I actually got started. The sense of relief I feel today is noticeable.
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