I don’t have it in me right now to share anything useful, but I did want to say how much I appreciate you all for taking the time to write, share and support in this thread. Just reading it and knowing that we are all fighting these battles together gives me a little extra strength.
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Nothing wrong with a few tears. Did a Bill Withers retrospective on youtube the other day, which led to a solid 20 minutes of sniffles watching various sad songs.
Not a parent, but don’t think kids would be adversely affected by seeing a parent cry a little. As long as it’s not a complete meltdown where they feel insecure.
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Anxiety attack this morning. It comes on as a heavy sinking feeling in my chest.
It’s been an emotional couple of days. I’m still struggling to cope with this relationship. I’ve also signed a purchase contract on a house, but then made the mistake of showing it to my brother who did his usual “I must tear everything down” routine. Left me feeling I may have made a huge mistake.
He’s a good dude and he means well, but he and I aren’t close and he just doesn’t know how to deal with me. Though, aside from me, why you’d say some of the things that come out of his mouth is beyond me. He’s a guy who has to fix everything, or point out all the flaws he sees. I find it very hard to deal with.
So those factors left me feeling super emotional and wanting to cry, which gave me a headache, which I thought probably meant I have coronavirus and would be even more isolated from folks than I am now … which leads me to this moment.
I can feel the anxiety, like a physical ball of fear inside me. Gonna go meditate and see what happens.
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Oh, I agree that I don’t have corona and the house is going to be awesome. My reactions to these ideas aren’t rational – though I appreciate you pointing it out. The ideas and fears aren’t real but the way they manifest as anxiety is.
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Hoping you feel better after your meditation session.
The story about your brother sounds a lot like some people I know. With the people in my life, I am pretty confident that they developed the habit of constantly pointing out flaws and how they can be fixed as some kind of coping mechanism. That doesn’t necessarily make it easier to deal with, but maybe that framing will help you not take his words as a reflection on you or your character or judgment - in reality it might just be how he finds peace with the things he finds painful about himself.
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Yes, it is definitely something like this. He is not, for instance, someone you can go to and just share a hard situation. He would need to try and fix it.
I definitely agree that it’s something in him he’s dealing with through this mechanism. And even as it was happening, I was reminding myself of this and trying to remain somewhat apart from what he was saying. Easier said than done, however. For me, anyway. I am sure for others, it would roll right off and simply be an obvious quirk of his.
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Anybody here deal with sleeping issues? When I was younger and didn’t have a 9-5 job I would struggle with staying up super late then sleeping in, but that went away after law school and I’ve had no issues with sleep again until the past 2-3 weeks.
I have been waking up in the middle of the night and feel unable to go back to sleep. Unable to stay still even. I spend 15 minutes tossing and turning until I start to feel guilty for my wife’s sleep, then I get up and walk around the house for a while. Sometimes that helps and I get another few hours of restful sleep. More often, I manage to fall back asleep but it’s like I may as well have stayed awake for how little good it feels like it does.
I don’t know if it’s really a mental thing or a reflection of the fact I haven’t left my house/yard in 3 weeks and just am not tired at night from the lack of activity or what.
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I think the first thing I’d try is getting more exercise–though obviously, easier said than done right now.
When you lie there and can’t sleep, why is that? Can you describe what’s going on physically or in your mind?
Just like restless, physically uncomfortable laying in one position for more than like 10-15 seconds. Generally like mild headache too, but that might be coincidental as I often wake up with a headache in the morning. It doesn’t feel like a mental thing, honestly, but who knows.
It was only after spending time in therapy that I realized how poorly I was really sleeping when my issues were front and center. The therapist would often ask how I slept and I would earnestly answer “fine.” But my sleep now is so much better than it was, my response must have been just another form of denial.
The bad news is that the anxiety and depression largely manifest in other ways that aren’t terribly healthy. But at least I now score a solid 7 most nights.
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Anyone here using CBD? … I was previously a heavy cannabis user and still smoke on ocassion, but I would say in the last seven months my usage is down like 90%+. Guess the fascination wore off? Wondering if folks see actual benefits from CBD tho.
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I don’t think it’s necessarily tears, just that kids need to see their parents model vulnerability. Crying yes, but also happiness, celebration, shouting. Healthy ways to process, share, and express difficult experiences and emotions. Which can include things that are good but overwhelming so they feel bad if you don’t know how to process the feelings. Kids aren’t born knowing how to do any of this, and if all they see is a parent modeling repression and resilience, the cycle will continue with their kids and their kids’ kids.
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fully understand man, i dont have good advice, its hard over here too
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Sorry to hear that brosef. But I am glad you came here to vent.
Can you go hide for a while? By that I mean can you take an hour in a room by yourself to do something that occupies your mind? Put on a podcast, watch a movie, something that engages your thoughts? If you can listen to a podcast I would suggest increasing the speed so you have to focus your attention even more on the content. One other option if you can find some time alone is to do some exercise - it will force a change in your chemistry. So if you have somewhere to go for a while, put some headphones on and then do some bodyweight workout stuff it might be great for you.
Regardless, you are not alone, and this too shall pass.
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I think I’ve posted about this before but I recommend trying a tricyclic antidepressant at low dose. Doxepin is prescribed for this exact problem:
Doxepin (Silenor) is used to treat insomnia (difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep) in people who have trouble staying asleep.
The doses are very small and when using the similar drug amitryptiline intermittently for this issue I haven’t noticed any side effects (whereas I certainly got the classic sexual dysfunction and weight gain when taking an SSRI for depression). This class of drug is non-addictive. @suzzer99 has used this with success as well.
Also, Johnny, since I know you smoke, using weed daily or near-daily for a long period of time greatly exacerbates this problem for me.
Edit: I should say obviously that IANAD and consult one before trying this if you’re on other medication, in particular adding it to another antidepressant could be dangerous. The hypnotic properties are related to its interaction with histamine receptors rather than seratonergic activity though, so it should still work if you are on an SSRI.
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Yeah can’t say enough good things about Doxepin. I used to wake up at 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep for 2 hours - usually on a day when I got a lot of exercise. With doxepin I can push through that.
Also I can still sleep on days when I haven’t had it available. And I’ve barely had to increase my dosage going on 10 years now.
I tried Ambien a couple times and had weird dreams and mood swings. All the other stuff I feel groggy and woozy in the morning. Doxepin I feel perfectly fine and no weird dreams or anything.
I still wake up sometimes overheating (I think that’s the root of the problem). But I move over to the cool side of the bed and fall back asleep. Also I keep my bedroom as cold as possible and a fan on me (with blankets on me). I’d keep my bedroom at 40 degrees if I could. I sleep so good when I’m camping in cold weather.
I’ve found that having a podcast lined up and ready to go is the trick.
You need to find something that is the sweet spot of interesting enough to hold you, not enough to keep you awake.
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I had to go into the office yesterday to pick up some work. Normally I take the bus, but that’s clearly not a good idea, so I walked in - about 1.5 miles. It was my first time wearing a mask outside.
Man, they are claustrophobic and anxiety inducing. Like, obviously I encourage their use and think it’s a good idea, but I don’t think I was ready for it. A few more times will probably get rid of the shock.
My favorite podcast to sleep to is Philosophy Bites. It’s amazing if I’m actively listening, but there’s also something calming and lulling about the host’s voice and easy discussion with his guests.
Plus, we can debate the efficacy of passive audible-based learning, but if it works at all, you could not do much better than a 20-minute discussion on a new philosophy topic every episode
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