I’ve been talking with a friend about this and I find myself feeling a bit better. Something inside feels a bit quieter, and here’s what I think it is: They keep using the word “mistake,” as in, “you made a mistake.” And that word seems to be counteracting, to some extent, the shame I feel. … perhaps helpful for someone else some day. I know it was a mistake (as opposed to the shame-focused, “I am a mistake”), but there is something about hearing it from someone else that helps it resonate and stick a bit.
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Thanks for the perspective. I did not mean to imply that Xanax and tylenol were the same in their effects or anything of the sort, only that if you have been prescribed a medicine by a doctor, that you should not feel shame in then taking that medicine for its intended use.
Ive recently begun working with this within myself as well.
I for the longest time have beaten myself up internally hard whenever I do something that isnt to my top level, best of my ability, or in general makes me feel stupid or hurts someone else. I internalize and torment myself, cause quite a bit of self harm.
Ive recently taken a step back and explored who I am, examined my motives, and determined that at heart, I am a good person who does try my best to not fuck up, and that, eventually, I will make a mistake and fuck up.
Not because im a bad guy, not because I want to cause myself or anyone else harm or pain, but because I am human, and I am not perfect.
I can hope for it, I can strive for it, and yet inevitably I will make a mistake, and I have to love myself enough to be forgiving when those times occur.
Ive found this easier to do since I have begun practicing breathing and meditating. Yes, I can improve from my mistakes and try hard not to make them again, but beating myself up for them is nothing but self destructive.
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I have spent a lot of time looking at my … you said “motives,” and I think it’s the same thing, or related. Core beliefs? … I see in me a very clear set of core beliefs that were set at a young age and then strengthened through trauma.
In strange shapes and forms, in me I find: I hurt people; I have to be right to exist; make everyone happy, or avoid being thrown out of the group …
Meditation has been a huge help, in seeing this. I am much more attuned to being triggered, and I can see that many times this means that little version of me is now running the show and I am operating on those beliefs.
What I’ve seen, recently, is how destructive this is. That little kid can and does make decisions that most people would label “right” or even “compassionate,” but if the decisions don’t come from the truer, deeper me, they often result in stress regardless of how “right” they may be.
Inspired by the LC thread, I’ve got a different kind of post here: hoping I can get thoughts from any licensed therapists or psychologists on behalf of my therapist girlfriend. She has a master’s in clinical mental health counseling and is a recently-licensed LPC in the state of Virginia. We’d like to move, certainly away from the DC area and preferably out of Virginia entirely.
Reciprocity for LPCs seems… varied, at best. It seems like a common threshold for transferring credentials is Licensed + 2 years, but that obviously varies by state. We’re helped by the fact that Virginia has pretty strict requirements, so she is likely to have met the requirements for every other state. (California is a notably exception and is causing a lot of heartburn because it’s near the top of my list of places to move.)
Have any of you dealt with transferring between states? What about from USA to another country? And are there any online resources you’d recommend? I don’t have a Reddit account but am considering joining r/psychotherapy on her behalf, and would love any non-Reddit communities that might have answers to our questions.
I think the business and management chat thread is the better place to ask for help on this forum, since that’s where people talk about switching jobs.
Yup she does, she just isn’t really interested in doing additional coursework since she recently finished grad school and prefers the states with fewer requirements 
Thanks, NBZ–I figured this thread might have a better chance of catching the eye of other MH professionals.
Haven’t posted in a while and especially not in here, guess it’s ok.
I’m so fucking broken. Last 5 years have been fucking awful. I got 3 burnouts working for big4, taking care of my gf who had split personality. We also had a dog whom I raised completely alone. 2 years ago, I got home from work and she was gone with all her stuff and the dog. That’s cool, fuck her. After that I collapsed completely, didn’t do anything for a year.
Last August I went to 10 week CBT therapy, mon-fri 8-15, it was amazing and I was about to start working part-time for my friends company. The day therapy ended I hurt my back playing disc golf. I couldn’t feel my right hand and leg at all. Hence the strong fentanyl patches for ~3 months. Surgery went fine but the withdrawals lasted for two months.
Last week we went to luxury cottage for my best friends 40th birthday. While installing disco lights I dropped from the ladder. At the time I thought it was nothing, maybe it was the sedatives or fresh air of the countryside.
It turned out to be a broken ACL, third time in my life. I was just getting back to work, dating, charity work and now all that is on hold for a year. This Monday I stood in the handrail of my 6th balcony for a while, I have a noose hanging from the ceiling too, in case of emergency. I’m so fucking tired of being sick and tired.
I have world’s best friends, they would like to help me, if they could. I’ve been to every imaginable therapy and tried every drug there is, legal and illegal. I don’t know if I have any fight left in me. I also don’t know why I wrote this, guess it helps. Kids, don’t be me like me.
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This all sounds incredibly hard and the way you feel right now is totally valid. AND, I can see in your post here that there are good and positive things in your life, people there for you, potential for events to turn … keep posting here! people are here for you.
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Well, this is third rodeo for me, 1 tear in left and now 2 in right knee. Mostly bandwork when at home, looooots and lots of aquajogging and gym. Meniscus tears are painful, I feel you. I guess all my menisci are long gone and vacuumed to menisci heaven.
Body works in mysterious ways and the pain can radiate anywhere. In my case, this February, I thought I was going to shoulder surgery because it was the only place where the pain radiated. Actually it was two collapsed vertebrae near my neck. When I woke up after the surgery everything was 
instantly.
I have hypermobility, double-jointedness w/e. When my leg locks while hyperextended it’s instant snap if I turn.
The thing is I get all of this free if I go the public, maybe 10€ per day spent at hospital. But that takes 6 months and atm I can’t walk at all, I took a 100m taxi to buy some liquor this morning.
Man I’m drunk.
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Don’t give up. Please don’t give up.
I’m 44 and had to start all over from scratch. I deliver packages for Satan. I’m on the edge of quitting lest I go postal since no matter how hard I work or how much Im willing to give of myself its never enough. The algorithms wont even leave the shadow of a penny on the table.
I have a rescue that cant be around other dogs. This limits my ability to go anywhere since I don’t want to leave my best friend any more than I already do the 4 10 hour shifts I work in which I take no breaks and piss in bottles.
I live in a neighborhood where Ive made a sincere effort to be a good neighbor for the first time in my life and its turning into a nightmare. I will most likely have to arm myself which even typing that brings me shame but not near the shame that I will feel with the likely path of action that would result to coming home and finding my record collection and production equipment taken and/or my dog dead.
Suicide isnt an option since I come from a familiy of actual bootstrappers and I wont ruin their lives because of my own inadequacy.
I say all this just so you know there are others in this space who are currently digging their way out of hell.
When Im at my lowest I try to channel the energy of the marginalized that this society was built on and all the people who are struggling to make it. The ones who never blew opportunities and have given their all and still might succumb to a futilous fate.
Remember that form and function reverberate throughout existence and transcend societal constructs and perception so when you fight for yourself you are also fighting for others.
And last but not least: a Saiyan warrior is at their strongest when they rise up from receiving a near to death beating. The closer to death; the higher the aptitude for recovery.
Reach out anytime you need to. You might save my life.
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Thank you, great post 
Intergenerational dadlessness is the root of most of my problems. My dad’s dad died when my dad was 6, he got hit by drunk taxi driver while walking home from theater. My mom’s dad worked as an engineer and wss working abroad ~220 days a year. No emotion at all from my parents. I got molested as a child and I kept it for myself for over 30 years. My parents completely blocked that idea when I told them,shoved it in strongbox and launched it to sun. Gaslighting.
Holy shit what is this nonsense, far beyond drivel. Neverthess, reading what you’ve been through touches me, if I was in your shoes I’d be homeless or dead. I’ve lost the genetic lottery (knees) but I’ve won the lottery that matters: being born on Finland. Mental health services are totally free, after ~600€ drugs are 2,50€ per year. So the help is there, why isn’t it working?
I hope all the best for you, you seem like a tough mf. 
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I guess it might. The thing is that doesn’t heal my knee. I have 1-1 psychotherapy 2 hours a week where I can heal acute and hopefully chronic wounds.
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Yes luckily I’m deep into meditation game. My (former) good friend has a life coach / mentor company. I get these 10k€ fancy la-di-da meditation courses for free. Or I did, because he went off the deep end and turned out to be an anti-vaxxer, fuck that.
Principles are usually for mouth-breathers, but nazis and antiscientists grind my gears. Now I’ll stop blabbering, I guess this song summarizes my feelings:
Thanks everyone 
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I’m humbled by your post. I don’t deserve any sympathy tho. I had a great childhood.
Oddly enough, your post inspired me. Just got done watching Redbelt. LFG.
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Shit I feel seasonal depression settling in.
At least last time I was in lockdown and could afford time in front of my light box every morning. Now I wake up at 6:30 AM and I’m out the door an hour later. Gotta wake up even earlier now and I already struggle to wake up in the morning without feeling depressed.
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Im having trouble escaping/getting rid of the thoughts that I am a bad person. In and of itself thats a humorous thought to me especially with everything we see happen on this site and in the news daily, and yet I am finding it really hard to shake that thought.
Im a 38 year old man who seems incapable of changing his destructive, selfish behaviors. I am defensive to a fault, to where I have probably lost jobs over it, and yet though I recognize it and understand it, I cant precent myself from engaging in those behaviors even with those closest to me. I feel a constant desire to explain away and defend my negative actions, mostly because I believe that doing the opposite will mean shining the brightest light on my deepest flaws.
And yet, the defensiveness is one of my greatest flaws and I cant shine a brighter, more glaring light on it than by engaging in the behavior.
I think im afraid of really examining my flaws deep down because I beat myself up a lot when I was younger, to the point of being suicidal on multiple occasions, and im afraid of doing that to myself again as a man with means to act upon it more than I had then.
Its just so destructive to myself and my relationships to act like this.
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Admitting fault is not admitting defeat or weakness. It’s the first necessary step to personal growth.
You identify the problems which is further than 80% of people who mistreat others do. Admitting your faults to those who love you will allow you to grow into the person you want to be. Your friends and family will want to help you grow.
You’re 38 years old. You probably have over half your life left to live. Spend that life being the person you want to be.
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I don’t have much to say other than go to a therapist if you can, I had an appointment on Tuesday with mine and spent a good portion of the time talking about how I thought not that I’m a bad person per se but I do beat myself up a lot over not being a better dad or better person in general and just really being hard on myself in general about my past, my body, Job performance etc. one of the things she said was to try to think rationally about it when you realize you’re doing it and reason it out, like for me when I’m thinking about not being a good father, think about all the things I do for my kids etc. also not to dwell on the past and as said above to focus on being the best person you can be each day going forward
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Not my thing, but people have talked about meditation ITT, including the use of the Balance app. For the rest of the year, Balance is giving away a free year (at least in the US) because Google named it one of the best apps of the year or somesuch. Also free for Apple. I’m guessing that’s better than their usual introductory deal.
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