@Devil, some songs that help me process and release similar emotions.
And when you’re ready to feel the rush of unexpected joy again, check these out:
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This is still the most affecting movie scene of all time for me.
An article that transformed who/what I pursue (and who I allow myself to be pursued by):
The Law of Fuck Yes or No doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be falling in knee-wobbling love at first sight. It doesn’t even mean you have be completely convinced that someone is right for you.
You can be “Fuck Yes” about getting to know someone better. You can be “Fuck Yes” about seeing someone again because you think there’s something there. You can be “Fuck Yes” about giving things a few months to pan out and see if you can fix the problems in the relationship. You can be “Fuck Yes” about sticking it out in an unhappy relationship because you can see the long-term potential in the future.
The point is: both you and the other person need to be fuck yes about something (and it must be the same thing), otherwise you’re just wasting your time.
These things may seem clever, exciting, even logical to some people who are stuck or frustrated. But this dating advice misses the point. If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.
Let me ask again: Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you?
What does that say about you? That you believe you need to convince people to be with you? (Hint: it implies that you wouldn’t even want to be with yourself.)
As you can see, The Law of Fuck Yes or No implies that both parties must be enthusiastic about the prospect of one another’s company. Why?
Because attractive, non-needy, high self-worth people don’t have time for people who they are not excited to be with and who are not excited to be with them. Fuck yeah.
Benefits of the FUCK YEAH approach:
Consent issues are instantly resolved. If someone is playing games with you, playing hard to get, or pressuring you into doing something you’re unsure about, your answer is now easy. Or as I often like to say in regards to dating, “If you have to ask, then that’s your answer.”
Always know where you stand with the other person. Since you’re now freeing up so much time and energy from people you’re not that into, and people who are not that into you, you now find yourself perpetually in interactions where people’s intentions are clear and enthusiastic. Sweet!
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Same. Every time, it fills the room with dust.
Lol I went ahead and turned it off before it got dusty.
Even beyond film I don’t think I know a more transformative cover.
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- Let Some Conflicts Go Unresolved
[M]ost successful couples have persistent unresolved issues, issues that they’ve sometimes been fighting about for decades. Meanwhile, many of the unsuccessful couples insisted on resolving fucking everything…
- Be willing to hurt each other’s feelings
If I feel smothered and want more time alone, I need to be capable of saying that without blaming her and she needs to be capable of hearing it without blaming me, despite the unpleasant feelings it may cause. If she feels that I’m cold and unresponsive to her, she needs to be capable of saying it without blaming me and I need to be capable of hearing it without blaming her, despite the unpleasant feelings it may generate.
These conversations are crucial if we want we maintain a healthy relationship, one that meets both people’s needs. Without them, we lose track of one another.
- Be willing to end it
The truth is our standards for what a “successful relationship” should be are pretty screwed up. If a relationship ends and someone’s not dead, then we view it as a failure, regardless of the emotional or practical circumstances present in the person’s lives. And that’s kind of insane.
Romeo and Juliet was originally written as satire to represent everything that’s wrong with young, romantic love and how irrational beliefs about relationships can make you do stupid shit like drink poison because your parents don’t like some girl’s parents.
But somehow, we’ve come to think of the play as a romance. It’s this kind of irrational idealization that leads people to stay with partners who treat them like shit.
- Allow each other to feel attracted to other people
Our cultural scripts tell us that once we’re in love, that’s supposed to be the end of the story. And if someone flirts with us and we enjoy it, or if we catch ourselves having an occasional errant sexy-time fantasy, there must be something wrong with us or our relationship.
But that’s simply not the case. In fact, it’s healthier to allow oneself to experience these feelings and then let them go .
When you suppress these feelings, you give them power over you, you let them dictate your behavior for you (suppression) rather than dictating your behavior for yourself (via feeling them and yet choosing not to do anything).
Attractiveness is everywhere; real intimacy is not.
- Spend time apart
When we fall in love we develop irrational beliefs and desires. One of these desires is to allow our lives to be consumed by the person with whom we’re infatuated. This feels great–it’s intoxicating in much of the same way cocaine is intoxicating (no, really). The problem only arises when this actually happens.
The problem with allowing your identity to be consumed by a romantic relationship is that as you change to be closer to the person you love, you cease to be the person they fell in love with in the first place.
- Accept your partner’s flaws
This is one of those things that is not nearly as complicated as it appears. Let’s break it down:
- Every person has flaws and imperfections.
- You can’t ever force a person to change.
- Therefore: You must date somebody who has flaws you can live with or even appreciate.
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So there I was: taking a dab rip in the closet, thinking about this thread. And then boom, it hit me.
Three important rules for breaking up:
Don’t put off breaking up when you know you want to
Prolonging the situation only makes it worse
Tell him honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly
Don’t make a big production
Don’t make up an elaborate story
This will help you avoid a big tear-jerking scene
If you wanna date other people say so
Be prepared for the boy to feel hurt and rejected
Even if you’ve gone together for only a short time and haven’t been too serious
There’s still a feeling of rejection when someone says she prefers the company of others to your exclusive company
But if you’re honest and direct and avoid making a flowery emotional speech when you break the news
The boy will respect you for your frankness
And honestly, he’ll appreciate the kind of straight forward manner in which you told him your decision
Unless he’s a real jerk or a cry baby, you will remain friends
So wise, that Nada Surf (even if it’s just them reading an etiquette book from way back when).
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Was doing a quick little fact-check to make sure my memory was correct about the source of the lyrics.
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This is one of my favorite shitty 90s songs.
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Wash at least every two weeks
ONCE every two weeks!
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Only a slight hangover. Win!
Thanks for all the songs, guys. @RiskyFlush, I’ll be listening to all of those! @marty if I stop listening to sad songs, I’ll have little music left.
I did feel this way at times. But it didn’t make much sense. She didn’t lack for options.
This must be part of it. I just didn’t expect it from her. I remember advice she gave me seven years ago, as I was going into exile (leaving the state) and ending a relationship. She said that now I’d said goodbye, I shouldn’t have any contact with that person. If she’s following her own advice, she skipped a step.
She’d jokingly called herself a creeper and thought it was hilarious that we’d note what the other was up to. Out on walks a couple of times, I’ve seen her drive past. Like she’s still checking on me. I guess the no contact rule has some loopholes.
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Ok, you need to move house dude. The last thing you want his her appearing like an apparition that prevents you from moving on.
Re. the ghosting - you said she’s a lot younger than you, and her age is probably a big factor in her being unable to tell you to your face. I hope that helps understand her actions a little better, because it’s part of the healing process.
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So one of my best friends has a pretty attractive girlfriend and she’s super cool. They’re both wild and open about sex. I hung out with them a couple times in the early early days of covid before it got bad.
Anyways they’ve had a bunch of threesomes. Both with girls and with guys. Not sure if he does anything with guys or if they both just have sex with her.
Anyways she told him she wants to have a threesome with me and he wants me too as well?
I’ve had a couple threesomes with girls before but never even thought about one with another dude. I have zero attraction to dudes, and we wouldn’t touch or anything, but I still think it’d be really weird for me. Also he’s one of my best friends, this could complicate that right? Although they did it with one of their room mates and no problems. I think we’d all be cool about it as we’re all very chill mature people.
Any straight guys ever have a threesome with another guy? Experience?
Pretty sure the only reason I’m even remotely considering this is I haven’t had sex since like February lol
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I say go for it. Long as everyone is using protection obv. Make it clear beforehand that you arent into anything bisexual and if they are still down just do it. It’s a new experience, and they dont seem to have any qualms. If you dont make things weird after it’s highly unlikely they will either since this seems to be a regular thing.
Just think of it as another experience to cross off your list of things to have done in life.
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Uhhh tell him to send his girl over for a trial run.
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Not that I’ve had any threesomes, but the idea of a 2-on-1 thing (as opposed to everybody doing shit with each other) always seemed like it would feel creepy. Also not attracted to dudes at all so that would rule out a MMF experience totally for me personally. That said, as long as you don’t expect it to feel so weird that you wouldn’t be able to perform or something, no reason not to go for it.
I’m not sure I understand what being attracted to dudes or not has anything to do with anything here. If they are looking for a straight threesome, why would it matter if he was attracted to guys? I mean, you’ve seen porn right? Your attraction to men doesnt change your ability to enjoy a scene with a guy in it, right?
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I was initially “fuck it go for it” but your last comment that probably the only reason you’re considering doing it is the fact you haven’t h as d sex since February doesn’t really bode well so now I am not sure.
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I thought my post was clear, but what I meant was that a 3-way with two of the people just independently plowing different holes of the 3rd person feels weird and gross to me, as opposed to all three people doing mutual stuff. And my lack of attraction to guys means that the latter type of MMF encounters wouldn’t work for me either.