You weren’t comfortable with this from the start.
Now is the time to get out ahead of the drama.
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Am I understanding the situation correctly that you are sexing your friend’s significant other, he is out of town, and she has a hall pass while he’s gone that can only be used to hook up with you?
If so, I gotta say that if I was in her situation…my S.O. gives me a pass to sex one of her good friends who is cool as hell while she is out of town…I’d be trying to hit it non-stop, even if I wasn’t developing “attachment” feelings. I’d be asking them to come over as much as possible.
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Yeah I’m going to start pulling back. Not like end it but make it super casual. Maybe go do something else this weekend.
Then over time stop. I think if I just abruptly stopped it would make things super awkward when he’s back
They’re both swingers so she could hook up with other dudes if she wants they just gotta be super careful. Like we both did std test before.
She’s going on a date with a female tomorrow.
I definitely feel you. She does talk about how much she loves him so maybe I’m getting in my own head. It’s just how needy she is lol.
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Another thing to consider is that her behavior that you are for the time-being labeling as “needy” may be how she expresses desire, which could reasonably be interpreted as needy. Like part of the joy of sex, at least to me so I’m assuming others have this as well, is the feeling that my sex partner wants me. She could be simply expressing herself the way she is in order to make you feel good by feeling desired, and thus making the sex better.
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Would she freak out if you spoke to her this candidly?
If she wants it that bad, just have her come to you.
Oh yeah I 100% get this, but to me this is like an intimate relationship type thing. I really envisioned this being casual, were normal friends, maybe a little dirty talk here and there but mostly just casual sex.
I dunno, I do know she really loves him and don’t think she’d try to leave him for me or anything, it’s just got a lot more involved/intimate than I wanted.
I think its mostly because of how good of a friend he is to me, it feels wrong for it to be anything more than just casual sex. I’m not sure what boundaries he wants, he just told me whatever we wanted to do was up to us, but I think intense intimacy is different than normal swinger stuff right?
@clovis8 a lil help?
Seems more likely than not, that once your friend returns this person’s intimate interest significantly decreases. I don’t know any of the parties of course, but it seems unlikely that your friends are experienced swingers and that on his leaving town she immediately developed feelings that are inapproprioate for what’s happening.
What I mean is, maybe you are misreading. …
That said, if it really is intense intimacy, that would very generally fall more into the line of poly. … I’ve found a pretty clear deliniation between swingers and poly, and maybe this situation is straddling that line since you guys are so close?
I’ve met the partners of people I was dating. It’s all mind-twisty at first because even if you’re totally up for it, the whole situation runs counter to a lifetime of monogamy patterns and learnings and interactions.
Lots of swinging couples have real intimacy with their thirds. Love and intimacy are not finite resources.
As @ElSapo pointed out if you build deep intimacy over a long period of time with a third it’s better defined as poly than swinging but honestly the label is meaningless. Every couple and triad gets to set their own rules and definitions.
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Also, any chance that she just likes to sort of ‘roleplay’ deep intimacy as part of what gets her off?
Looks like it worked itself out. They got in a huge fight. He doesn’t want to come straight home. Wants to travel and bang chicks without her. Fwiw she would be down for him to do that, she just wants to see him asap
She gave me details And tried to come for me for advice and I was like I can’t get in the middle of this. Also since you guys aren’t on good terms I think we should cool it for awhile.
Fwiw she completely agreed and wasn’t bothered by it so yeah I’ve probably just been having a lot of anxiety And paranoia about the whole thing. It was fun but this gotta be the end.
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I think you’re probably right, but is there any empirical data to back this up? It’s false for friendships, right? We max out out 150 people or something like that I thought.
It’s not the love that’s finite. it’s time.
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Definite weaksauce on how unpopular online dating is in the CR. You can tell when the barrel is getting scraped on Bumble when the girls are a name and three pictures or they don’t meet your filters. Took a couple dozen swipes but I feel like I’m already there.
Wow, I finally got a match and said match actually contacted me.
Feels like for an average guy, there’s a component of luck that factors into online dating. I’m sure girls basically get hit with a volley of matches and you pretty much have to be in the right place/time for it.
Alright so recently I hooked up with an ex. I had fucked her over when we were like 19. We had a threesome and I left her for another woman and it messed her up
We reconnected and hooked up a week ago. We’ve been talking every day and Sunday we hung out with her kids who absolutely love me, and then went to dinner.
We text every day, but she randomly ghosted me for 36 hours. I asked her if she wanted to go apple picking and do fun stuff and she didn’t reply. Last night I told her goodnight and hope everything is ok still nothing.
And what point do I try to message her again?
If you weren’t close then never. If you are close at least a week. It’s on her to be respectful of your messages and get back to you. Otherwise just give her her space
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That’s my normal play but I feel like the history of me having fucked her over a couple times when we were young complicates things. She has already made it clear she wants to see if I really am different and I’m sure wants to see if I really care this time.
Still waiting is probably the move. I don’t think it’s just second thoughts about us though, she wouldn’t ghost me over that
Looks like she got her revenge huh
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