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I would reply with the JLawOK gif
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How much bereavement does everyone at the company get if any employee dies? I mean, we (the company) are a âfamilyâ right?
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Just be like
âOkay. Understood. However I decided to make a different business decision here in this caseâ
Most companies arenât clear on who gets to make decisions. So just assume that you always have the right to make it and get on with it.
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Or just keep promising to do it âthe right wayâ but WHOOPS forgot again!
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Everybody always thinks HR is the warm soft and fuzzy people, but always remember that HR is basically full of people whose aspiration in life was to do the desk part of being a cop.
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Also to be clear it was one fucking day
Tell HR it wasnât his aunt Fern, it was his plant, a fern.
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My goal in this situation is to let HR know that Iâm taking care of my team and I donât need their input
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This seem like splitting hairs. But is that a goal?
Wouldnât a goal be an outcome? Something likeâŚ
HR understands x.
Or
HR leaves me alone and allow me to make my decisions without interference.
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I do think thereâs something to be said for not getting into a big fight with HR. The reason people donât like HR is that they find HRâs involvement in day to day matters to be of no added value and generally irritating. If the situation descends into pettiness, the HR person has the option to keep pestering you with HR bullshit. Ainât nobody got time for that. I think if you just acknowledge and be polite and ignore them thatâs probably the optimal path. And if you ever do need them they wonât hate you. Most of the time you can sail through life without worrying about HR but stuff happens that you definitely want them to deal with. From person experience - a direct report showing up for work intoxicated. Like, not once. I donât want to have to deal with that shit myself because I got into a petty pissing contest with HR the prior month and they donât want to help me.
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generally this is what happens if you push back on them. theyâre primarily looking to protect the company, they get their noses into a lot of other shit because I guess theyâre bored or something. In these sorts of cases where there isnât an imminent threat of a lawsuit, theyâll butt out and go get into someone elseâs business if you tell them to fuck off.
Right, but you have to tell them to fuck off in coded workplace language. Thank you for your message blah blah blah. If you are actually aggressive with HR it become a pain, they will escalate to their boss and your boss and thereâs a phone call and youâve got to explain why you called Janice a âtime sucking imbecileâ. Not worth it.
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This has been my problem in a nutshell. I would normally call Janice a time-sucking imbecile without sugar coating it very much at all. And I would normally pay for it in exactly the ways you describe. I just canât not do it.
It kind of like in Django Unchained when King Schultz shoots Candie. He knows it will end badly for himself and is absolutely not worth it, but he still has to do it.
Itâs the single biggest challenge Iâve had in my career. I find the âtype out what you actually want to say and donât send itâ move to be pretty effective.
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What about talking over their head and finding ways to insult them without them understanding?
I want them to understand.
Itâs my understanding that whenever an employee asks off work on short notice the employer assumes a 50% chance the employee is lying about the reason. Which is close to accurate.
Who gives a reason?
âIâd like to take some PTO from Aug 10-16.â Is anything else required or expected?
If youâre talking about calling in sick, 50% might be an underestimate.
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People who work for an employer who wants one. Like Stim.
Thus is one of the reasons employees come to work sick. Even if their boss would be totally cool with the actual reason you called off, the boss knows there is a high chance youâre just hung over.