But otherwise a blameless man.
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The ninth pick in the draft is as evil on a global scale as you can get without holding office (elected or otherwise). Because why hold office when you can can just manipulate the public into electing the assholes you want? And in three different countries, no less?
Rupert Murdoch
The scope of his assholery is unbelievably wide, but here’s the gist:
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His News Corp. is, of course, the owner of Fox News, only the biggest blight on journalism in history. It also owns several other highly visible media outlets: The New York Post, the Wall Street Journal, the Sun and Times in the UK, Sky News (up until last year), several papers in Australia, and the now-defunct (thank god) Sun News Channel in Canada. Basically, if you’ve complained about a shitty media outlet, odds are it was owned by Rupert Murdoch. Pretty much all of the newspapers he bought were once respected papers turned into sleazy cesspools. (According to Wiki, on acquiring The Sun, he told his newly appointed editor: “I want a tearaway paper with lots of tits in it”.)
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All of his media holdings serve one purpose and one purpose only: To push Murdoch’s right-wing/libertarian agenda. He’s pretty much the living embodiment of Fox News — pro-oil, anti-climate, anti-union, anti-welfare (except corporate welfare, which he’s all for), anti-immigrant (depending on what country he’s in), and just anti-government in general unless it benefits him personally.
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He has had a hand in electing (or at least allying with) monsters in the US, the UK and Australia for the last forty years - Thatcher, Reagan, a few undrafteds. Once they’re in, he uses the power of his media companies to call in favours and generally bully or threaten his targets. The only UK Labour PM in that time, Tony Blair, was generally left alone by Murdoch, which says more about Blair than Murdoch, if you ask me.
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He allowed Faux News to downplay the COVID-19 threat to the unwashed masses, while taking severe precautions against it personally, going above and beyond the typical caricature of the awful billionaire:
- And if that’s not enough, he’s also racist, wildly sexist and islamophobic.
If that’s not first-round material, I don’t know what is.
16 Likes
Damn, excellent pick
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I’m up?
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Yes
| Asshole Draft | ||
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Superbooger | Donald Trump |
| 2 | Chuckles | Mitch McConnell |
| 3 | CanadaMatt | Sean Hannity |
| 4 | Zikzak | Richard Sackler |
| 5 | Hokie | Steve Bannon |
| 6 | NotBruce | Ron Paul |
| 7 | LFS | Dick Cheney |
| 8 | Tim | Goatse |
| 9 | True North | Rupert Murdoch |
| 10 | Riverman | . |
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Yup, on you for two picks
HYPE
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Trump is a bigger danger to the republic but I honestly can’t decide if he or Cheney is the bigger asshole
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Murdoch is a great pick. Also if any of you non-Muricans railing want to join my team let me know, it’s definitely a weak spot for this draft.
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A shameless cross promotion since no mod has appeared to make a banner
In terms of sheer body count, non-dictator division, this guy has to be near the top of the list.
Despite being born a German Jew in 1923 (evil people NEVER DIE), this unmitigated piece of shit had a career defined by a complete lack of empathy for other human beings.
Absolute first round material here: Henry Kissinger
Lets just skip to 1968. Kissinger, working on behalf of Richard Nixon, deliberately sabotages the Paris Peace Talks in order to prolong the Vietnam War. Then, over the subsequent four years, Kissinger directs massive bombing campaigns throughout Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia, resulting in massive civilian casualties in (at least) the hundreds of thousands, and more than 20,000 additional American deaths.
In addition to Vietnam, Kissinger directed numerous other atrocities, including:
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Providing arms to Pakistani thugs during their ongoing perpetration of a genocide, which Kissinger definitely knew about. At least THREE MILLION DEAD and 400,000 rapes.
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Directed the assassination of Chile’s democratically elected leader, handing power to Pinochet, a mass-murdering dictator.
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Supported Indonesia’s invasion and subsequent occupation of East Timor, resulting in over 100,000 deaths.
I could go on. But why listen to me when you can hear it from Anthony Bourdain!
“Once you’ve been to Cambodia, you’ll never stop wanting to beat Henry Kissinger to death with your bare hands. You will never again be able to open a newspaper and read about that treacherous, prevaricating, murderous scumbag sitting down for a nice chat with Charlie Rose or attending some black-tie affair for a new glossy magazine without choking. Witness what Henry did in Cambodia – the fruits of his genius for statesmanship – and you will never understand why he’s not sitting in the dock at The Hague next to Milošević.”
and
“Any journalist who has ever been polite to Henry Kissinger, you know, fuck that person,” he said, his indignation rising. “I’m a big believer in moral gray areas, but, when it comes to that guy, in my view he should not be able to eat at a restaurant in New York.”
Well said.
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Let like not that he runs similar chanels in other countries. The doesn’t even meant completely now.
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Bourdain no longer being with us when Kissinger will seemingly never die is one of life’s great injustices.
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Ugh Riverman I knew you were a risk to snake Kissinger, goddamnit. I thought I could grab Cheney and get Kissinger coming the other way.
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Next pick has been decided upon. Researching / writing now pending my kids’ behavior.
Which kid will be your pick?
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This is fucking great. We need more of these and a list of the results like fantasy sports rags do with mock drafts.
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Sometimes you just have to go best player available.
This individual is a world class scumbag. After being tapped by outgoing leadership in 1999, he was narrowly “elected” in 2000 with 53% of the vote in an election marred by, uh, irregularities. An election monitor said the following: “Given how close the vote was…fraud and abuse of power appear to have been decisive.” And with that, the world was formally introduced to…
Vladimir Putin
I honestly don’t even know where to start with this guy. Mass murderer, kleptocrat, the dude checks all the boxes. A partial summary includes:
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Bombing two large apartment complexes ahead of the aforementioned election to make himself look strong in response (hundreds of dead civilians)
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Invading Crimea (15,000+ dead)
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Supporting UNDRAFTED, who is responsible for the use of chemical weapons on civilians and hundreds of thousands of deaths
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Killing hundreds of political opponents
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Stealing over $100 billion by extorting Russian oligarchs and instituting a national Paulie from Goodfellas “fuck you, pay me” economic policy (including $20 billion from the Sochi Olympics)
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Shooting down a commercial aircraft (Malaysia Flight 17 - 300 dead)
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Massive bigotry campaign against gay Russians
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Got #1 overall pick Donald J. Trump elected.
Without question, a world-class asshole.
23 Likes
I gathered :(