My contribution to this discussion is that the people getting so mad about these things should listen to this episode of Hidden Brain and try to practice some stoicism. Spotify
“much of the suffering we experience is due to our response to the events of life. You have one life to live, and to spend it, reliving the same events over and over, that’s tragic.”
“if someone says something obnoxious to you, those are just words, they’re there, and gone. What cause you the agony, is you dwelling in those words, thinking about those words, and replaying those words.”
Part of the human condition is that it is far easier to feel that you have been insulted, or picked on, or treated unfairly than it is to feel that you have done the same to others because we are all only experiencing our own feelings. And our memories of events are tied to the feelings that we had during them.
“There’s three sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth. And no one is lying. Memories shared serve each differently.”- (h/t Robert Evans)
If any of us were to start keeping a tabulation for each of our interpersonal relationships, in effect keeping score of who has slighted who more, and then compared those scorecards, they’d most likely be mirror opposites of each others.
These beefs and battles online and IRL can tend to linger the longest when we insist that the other person not only agree that we both have transgressed each other, but that my scorecard is right and their scorecard is wrong. This leads to beliefs that I am justified in taking one more swing or jab, or that I am not the one that needs to de-escalate first, and since both parties are having similar feelings…they both feel equally confident in their respective perspectives.
I know that I’m a relatively newer member of the community here(although I posted and lurked here and on 22 for the past decade), and I don’t presume to tell others what to do, but I feel like my experience ITF is better for having chosen not to respond to fuck yous and insults(real or felt) in kind.
Maybe the meta-takeaway is that a full frontal assault and trying to always get the last word in might not be the best tactic to advocate for Democrats to use in American politics.
Nice idea but I don’t think that’s how it has worked out.
I thought you were a decent mod on 22 but modding here as one of a community without a hierarchy is a very different proposition. The first thing you’ll need to do is make sure your tone isn’t patronising or condescending and that you don’t throw insults around (I’m sure it wouldn’t be anyway, just saying that’s where others 22 mods slip up, old habits dying hard).
I’ve been reading all posts itt including the hidden, and I wanted to post a correction to Jman’s post about early covid warnings I made back in January.
Is this going to get me banned if its a matter of fact correction?
One conclusion I’ve reached the last few years, especially online with regards to politics, is that there’s almost no point in arguing, because the people who really want to argue with you (especially coming from where I come from) don’t really have any interest in what you have to say. You’re just another target for them to reassert their rightness over. I don’t like to talk when nobody is listening, and it’s certainly not worth the time and emotional stress.
haven’t listened, but aside from maybe a random act of violence, this rings pretty obnoxious and oblivious to the human tendency to perseverate over stuff. Especially the bad. To direct someone to simply stop thinking of the bad words and experiences is wholly unrealistic and borderline nonsensical.
I am going to make this one post in here in hopes of summarizing some solutions and maybe even ending this.
Step 1
This is a community managed site. The only solution to making structural decisions is a public poll, as has been suggested many times. I suspect there is a reason this hasn’t been done by the core group of the aggrieved but it’s time to force the issue. We run a public pole about which mods should be demodded. The thread in whihc the poll resides is locked. The results of this poll are final and accepted by all parties.
Step 2
All sides have been well stated at this point. Further discussion on the issue is unnecessary. Therefore, we formalize the Micro rule and institute a short term mod rule that is in effect until the poll closes and for a week after. If the core group of the aggrieved post to each other it’s a 24 ban. If they insult each other or raise a priority issue it’s a 72 hour ban and if they make a ghost account it’s a permaban.
These have been suggested already I am simply summarizing and pointing to a path forward. Please feel to modify as the community sees fit.
Needs a threshold number of votes to enact a demodding but I’m for it in principle because more than half the mods are very very biased and that’s clear to many now.
Not so sure about this idea. If it’s to be fair then people like you who’ve also had long running spats also need to be included in it. You don’t get exclusive treatment here.
Also the way you’ve phrased it it seems I can’t talk to marty or fidget lol.
Asking about it is borderline. You really should have PMd that. Gonna slide on that though. Posting about it is a definite ban. The fued, certainly for now, is not happening. I’ve explained this a lot and jman got his ban for it.
This one is clearly a ban. Same thing as with Commonwealth. Complaining about moderation while taking about others in the group. Just leave them out of these posts.
And Commonwealth doesn’t want that other name used. Let’s please respect that.
I don’t want that fight to happen here again, but I will say that I think jalfrezi’s early posts about covid were not dismissive of it and he was maybe the first poster here with what turned out to be a fairly accurate prediction.
Eta: Not intended as a criticism of jman’s posting in that thread. Had there been more jmans around back then, there would probably be more people alive right now.
I hope you and Commonwealth both continue to post. I’m surprised that either of you are taking this hard. It’s meant to stop a fight, not as a way to show you are unwelcome.
