That’s the default, but she said her meeting didn’t go well, so she wanted me to do it. That’s a bold strategy, but apparently that’s what we’re doing.
Ordinarily I’d agree, but kid is going to be switching schools and there is some sort of application process involved for her to get in. I don’t know what’s involved, but I know you have to submit report cards, so I think it might matter a little bit.
I think that’s the line my wife tried. And it seems that the response was more or less “I just take all of the tests and assignments into account, but in the end the grade is whatever I think it is”. I’m paraphrasing and probably not that well. That really got the lawnmower going.
I ordinarily wouldn’t care except for the applications to new schools that will be happening in the near future.
“Why doesn’t a perfect test score earn a 4?” seems like an extremely reasonable question.
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That’s one of my openers.
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Yeah, I’m worried it’s nonsensical (but not for that exact reason).
Another problem is that kid #2 may well end up with this same teacher in a couple of years. So how this shakes out may determine what we do with him.
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My wife handles most of the communication with our kids’ teachers, but I do get involved sometimes, especially when my wife is feeling frustrated and emotions could run high. I’m the designated level-headed person in our family.
The one piece of advice I’d offer is to consciously avoid the appearance of criticizing the teacher. (I suspect that the teacher may perceive criticism even if it’s not intended - I know I probably would, but I might be overly sensitive.) Instead, approach it like you and the teacher are working towards a common goal of your kid learning the material as best as possible. Like, “I’m hoping to get a better idea of how you’re evaluating the students, and what you’re looking for, so that we can make sure kid can succeed in your class.”
If you open with that positive/friendly attitude, it should be easy to transition to the more substantive questions/complaints, “I was surprised to see that even on tests where she got every question right, she didn’t get a 4 out of 4. What can she do that would earn a 4 out of 4, other than answering everything correctly?”
or “I appreciate that, outside of the formal assessments, there are subjective factors that go into the student’s grade. Can you help me better understand what those factors are and how my daughter can improve on those dimensions?”
But you should be able to get a better idea of the grading criteria the teacher is applying. And depending on how fucked up it looks, knowing that detailed criteria would allow you to elevate it to the administration if your lawnmower hits sufficient altitude - if you’ve got a good amount of detail about how the grades are set, you’re less likely to seem like the crazy helicopter parent who just wants their kid to have a higher grade.
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Speaking about this at all anywhere except maybe at a parent teacher conference just gets you labeled a Karen and she’ll take it out on your kid. Particularly because she’s grading subjectively and your wife already had a crack at it. As far as the teacher is concerned, your wife already got the answer and you’re wasting her time.
This. First, I’d look into whether it is actually true that this grade could affect your kid’s ability to get into this other school. It’s probably not true.
But if it is, I’d just be frank with the teacher that this is your concern instead of beating around the bush and sounding like a crazy/overbearing parent.
Thanks, spidercrab. Lots of good stuff there.
I too am the designated level-headed person and the reason I was activated was that the teacher said she felt like she was being “attacked”, which wife was trying to avoid, but apparently did not succeed at.
While I’m certain I can stay cool myself, I’m not certain I won’t come off as critical. I’ll try to tread lightly.
I don’t agree that it would be overbearing to look into this. Assume the teacher is absolutely correct in how they’re assigning grades. It means that your kid must be doing relatively poorly on the subjective aspects of class like participation or communication or something else that’s presumably very important to the teacher - you should want to know what the problem areas are, and you need to do it via discussion because those problem areas aren’t being articulated by the objectively measured things.
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That’s more or less what we’re doing. There are scheduled ones throughout the year, and wife and teacher ran out of time, so teacher kind of suggested they schedule another one. Not sure if she really meant it, but wife snap-called.
Not sure what to say if you don’t find the email incredibly douchey. I guess there’s no real objective fact of the matter, but I’d avoid writing like that even if I thought it was fine based on responses in this thread.
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Seemed fine to me.
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This is pretty important information. Given the teacher is pissed already, you are going to half to be more deferential and not go in guns blazing.
I would just be honest. You want to get your kid into a competitive school. How can we make this happen? Not those words exactly, but frame it as we’re all on the same team, the teacher is right, how can you as a parent help your kid succeed?
I guess there’s no real objective fact of the matter, but I’d avoid writing like that even if I thought it was fine based on responses in this thread.
You help your kid succeed by realizing that there is zero upside to pushing this further.
an example
Agree that it’s either douchey or from a non-native speaker who doesn’t understand the nuances of communication.
ChatGPT would have written an infinitely better initial email.
Anyone with an account want to run it for comparison.