I will forever remember Kevin Rudd since he was a prominent poster on 2p2.
EmpireMan for mod
The phrase “outer cage” is confusing. I think “de facto cage” works much better.
Or just cage. Yeah outer is dumb.
A cage of tightly-spaced metal bars encased their bodega-sized station, creating a tiny fort they could retreat to in times of extreme unrest. It was a weird juxtaposition to imagine–cops peering out from inside their birdcage while the mob roamed free all around them.
Do you want the reader to imagine that the metal bars curve up over the roof? Because that’s the birdcage image I’m seeing 
Or is it completely enclosed on all sides and roof?
No. The cage was square. But yes it went over the whole station. Otherwise people could just climb over.
I changed it to birdcage at the second reference of cage, thinking by that time the reader has already formed their mental image and birdcage is more about the plight of the cops inside.
Actually now that I think about it, it was more like attached to the building, creating a caged outdoor area. I need to completely rewrite that. Like a caged vestibule - but definitely on top too so people couldn’t climb over. I don’t think I took any pics.
I’m actually picturing a wire cage pet carrier. That could lead to juicy metaphors.
A cage of tightly-spaced metal bars jutted out from the front of the bodega-sized police station, forming a sort of secure vestibule they could retreat to in times of extreme unrest. It was a weird juxtaposition to imagine–cops peering out from inside their cage while the mob roamed free all around them.
Take 79
The night. Was it moist, or what?
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Twas blither
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Descriptive writing is my nut low. I feel like everything comes out like a mediocre 7th grade creative writing assignment. Nothing spirals me into a funk faster than trying to write a paragraph of descriptive prose.
So I try to avoid it at all costs. I try to use abstract metaphors that give an idea w/o actually trying to describe colors, textures, smells, sounds, whatever.
Also the book will have pictures. But they will be black and white except for maybe the Kindle edition. And I want all pics to be superfluous, so that an audio book works too.
Even though I haven’t read this article yet, I’d say don’t worry about it too much.
The world presented to us by our perceptions is nothing like reality.
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“A few nervous-looking cops manning a small outpost near the harbor were the only police in sight.”
I like this formulation better. I think it makes the sentence sharper.
So do the bars form a separate structure/area from the station, like on top of it, or do they just encase the building like a skin or coat of armor. When you say “jutted out” that makes me think you are talking about some kind of out growth or outcropping, but your reply above says it covered the whole station.
Also, I don’t think juxtaposition is the right word to use there. Maybe “bizarre scene”?
Here’s how I might edit it.
Bluefields seemed to be functioning normally. Nothing was closed. No shops seemed to be running out of supplies. During the first round of protests, local journalist Angel Gahona was shot and killed while broadcasting live on Facebook, so the town was still a little on edge.
A few nervous-looking young cops were the only police presence that I saw, manning a small bodega-sized station near the harbor. The [insert adjectives such as color, construction material, and quality of upkeep] building was enclosed by tightly-spaced metal bars, creating a tiny fort they could retreat to in times of unrest. It was a weird juxtaposition–cops peering out from inside their cage while the mob roamed free all around them.
Unless you think it takes away from your voice, you could probably tighten up the language and lose 5% of your length without losing details.
The first part still feels a bit clunky. If it doesn’t change the meaning, I would consider going with something more like:
During the first round of protests, local journalist Angel Gahona was shot and killed while broadcasting live on Facebook, so Bluefields was still a little on edge, but the town seemed to be functioning normally. Nothing was closed. No shops seemed to be running out of supplies.
You can even throw in some of your beloved dashes.
…but the town seemed to functioning normally–nothing was closed and no shops seemed to be running out of supplies.
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Honestly those texts read to me like she did something unpleasant and knew she had pissed him off… so she’d send him some super flowery texts… and that day in particular he wasn’t having it.
I buy absolutely none of her defense and am absolutely horrified at the idea that she might get anything less than life in prison. She’s literally a poster child for high functioning people with personality disorders who has already done quite a bit of damage. She’s the kind of person you absolutely need to make an example of as a society. Like a much much smaller version of Trump and his enablers.
Tides of History podcast did a couple really fascinating episodes on the peopling (re-peopling??) of America. It’s amazing how much the geneticists can infer from a handful of remains at different places. IIRC, the population genetics say that all Native American ancestry south of the Inuit comes from a small group of people coming in from Beringia who are probably the same as the Clovis people. The only exception is some people in Amazonia who have some ancestry from this mysterious “Population Y.” So either this new finding isn’t true or the pre-Clovis natives got wiped out (or the genetic analysis is wrong).
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I mean I agree white collar crimes deserve way harsher punishments but life in prison for grifting some rich dudes? Unless I’m missing something.
Actually I think if you’re middle class and lower and you’re able to grift rich dudes you should get to keep the money and be immune to prosecution. Let’s normalize stealing from the rich since we clearly aren’t going to tax them
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