I think I just misinterpreted what you wanted.
eta: not sure if anybody else has problems with videos. This one works for me. T’other did not.
2 Likes
Thanks. They all work for me so I’m relying on you to fix the ones that are broken!
I mean, it’s still a music contest.
There are songs above you that did a better job of combining things, that’s all.
brb, gotta feed the dogs, then we’ll continue
ok back!
In 8th place, earning 5 points: Patti Smith - Babelogue/Rock and Roll N****r (L=5, M=6, F=5, R=1.7666r)
Comments: I know I’m taking a big risk here, but this is what poetry and art has always been for me. Patti the purest rock n roll poet to ever live. This was a completely genuine artistic attempt, even if unsuccessful, at taking back the word and flipping its meaning. I hope you can see it for its intended purpose. I first heard this song in this version, which is the way it’s played live, combined with the opening poem. To me they are one piece that I first heard in high school and blew my mind.
The first submission that I had heard before, and I admit, I’ve never thought of it as poetic. This one was helped by reading the lyrics alone. I think you would have been fine, maybe even better, if you had submitted the first half alone, because the song part starts getting into more song lyrics territory than poetry. I’ve never been a huge Patti Smith fan, but I appreciate great rock music, and the second half is a good rock song. The combination of good poetic first half and good music second half combined to make a perfectly average finish. I make no comment on the use of the n-word (please god no about moderation thread please) other than I understand what she’s trying to do, I’m just not entirely sure it actually works.
I haven’t fucked much with the past
But I’ve fucked plenty with the future
Over the skin of silk are scars
From the splinters of stations and walls I’ve caressed
A stage is like each bolt of wood
Like a, like a log of Helen, is my pleasure
I would measure the success of a night by the way, by the way I
By the amount of piss and seed I could exude
Over the columns that nestled the P.A.
Some nights I’d surprise everybody by skipping off
With a skirt of green net sewed over
With flat metallic circles which dazzled and flashed
The lights were violet and [Incomprehensible] white
I had an ornamental veil, I can’t bear to use it
With the way my hair was cropped, I craved, craved covering
But now that my hair itself is a veil
And the scalp inside is a scalp of a crazy
And a sleepy Comanche lies beneath this netting of skin
I wake up, I am lying peacefully
I am lying peacefully and my knees are open to the sun
I desire him and he is absolutely ready to seize me
In, in, in, in, in heart, I am a Muslim, in heart, I am an American
In heart, I am Muslim, in heart, I’m an American artist and I have no guilt
I seek pleasure, I seek the nerves under your skin
The narrow archway, the layers, the scroll of ancient lettuce
We worship the flaw, the belly, the belly
The mole on the belly of an exquisite whore
He spared the child and spoiled the rod
I have not sold myself to God
Baby was a black sheep. Baby was a whore
Baby got big and baby get bigger
Baby get something. Baby get more
Baby, baby, baby was a rock-and-roll n-r
Oh, look around you, all around you
Riding on a copper wave
Do you like the world around you?
Are you ready to behave?
Outside of society, they’re waitin’ for me
Outside of society, that’s where I want to be
Baby was a black sheep. Baby was a whore
You know she got big. Well, she’s gonna get bigger
Baby got a hand; got a finger on the trigger
Baby, baby, baby is a rock-and-roll n-r
Outside of society, that’s where I want to be
Outside of society, they’re waitin’ for me
(Those who have suffered, understand suffering
And thereby extend their hand
The storm that brings harm
Also makes fertile
Blessed is the grass
And herb and the true thorn and light)
I was lost in a valley of pleasure
I was lost in the infinite sea
I was lost, and measure for measure
Love spewed from the heart of me
I was lost, and the cost
And the cost didn’t matter to me
I was lost, and the cost
Was to be outside society
Jimi Hendrix was a n-r
Jesus Christ and Grandma, too
Jackson Pollock was a n-r
N-r, n-r, n-r, n-r
N-r, n-r, n-r
Outside of society, they’re waitin’ for me
Outside of society, if you’re looking
That’s where you’ll find me
Outside of society, they’re waitin’ for me
Outside of society
I censored these not because I’m a snowflake, but because of internet search engine stuff. Also, can’t use asterisks because the forum just wants to make everything italicized.
3 Likes
As i said, i would either finish nodium, podiun or in between.
4 Likes
In 7th place, earning 6 points: Evanescence – Lost In Paradise (L=3, M=9, F=7, R=1.8666r)
This would have ranked higher except that, if I’m 100% honest, the lyrics rely on just a few too many clichés to get the point across. The music itself is gorgeous, and the overall feel of the song is as sad as they intend it to be, for sure, but the actual poetic value to me is not as high as many other submissions. It’s like they were trying a little too hard to make a “poetic song.” Feels like something I would have written in high school English class.
I’ve been believing in something so distant
As if I was human
And I’ve been denying this feeling of hopelessness
In me, in me
All the promises I made
Just to let you down
You believed in me, but I’m broken
I have nothing left
And all I feel is this cruel wanting
We’ve been falling for all this time
And now I’m lost in paradise
As much as I’d like the past not to exist
It still does
And as much as I’d like to feel like I belong here
I’m just as scared as you
I have nothing left
And all I feel is this cruel wanting
We’ve been falling for all this time
And now I’m lost in paradise
Run away, run away
One day we won’t feel this pain anymore
Take it all the way, shadows of you
'Cause they won’t let me go
'Till I have nothing left
And all I feel is this cruel wanting
We’ve been falling for all this time
And now I’m lost in paradise
Alone and lost in paradise
3 Likes
hahah everyone’s asleep! No angry reactions means I can pretend everyone still loves me.
Now we have a big jump, and the next 4 songs were also quite close together. Everything from here out has gone on my personal playlist.
In 6th place, earning 7 points: Wintersleep – Orca (L=6, M=8, F=10, R=2.4666r)
This one gets a little bit more metaphoric, and the imagery is both haunting and pleasing at the same time. It’s still somewhat simplistic, but the music and overall feel of the song is what puts this in the top half for me. I wasn’t sure what I was going to hear, and when the rest of the band enters it really drives it home.
I’ll be a killer whale, when I grow up
I’ll be a vulture
I’ll be an animal
A carnivore
I’ll be a monster
Clenching my jagged jaws
Over the capture
I’ll be a killer whale when I grow up
I’ll be a tidal wave when I grow up
Crashing on harbours
I’ll be a temperamental element
A raging water
I’ll be a perfect storm swallowing over
I’ll be a killer whale when I grow up
I’ll be a monster
I’ll be a hurricane when I grow up
An ugly thunder
I’ll be a forest fire about to flood
Over an empire
I’ll be an avalanche chewing its rupture
I’ll be a killer whale, when I grow up
I’ll be a monster
I’ll be a killer whale
4 Likes
eta: I live on Mars apparently.
3 Likes
I’m awake and I’m alive!
4 Likes
I’m here and I’m still in!
4 Likes
In 5th place, earning 8 points: Silver Jews – Black and Brown Blues (L=12, M=3, F=3, R=2.5)
Comments: Got 3 or 4 lines I’ve thought about a lot in the 20+ years since I first heard it.
The most poetic, imho, dragged down by that nu-folk feel that I don’t really dig. Still, my weighting system ensures its place in the top half. Yes, this could definitely be read as a poem, and a good one at that. Excellent use of metaphor and descriptive imagery. I just wish the song sounded better. Still, It’s on my playlist because I need to listen to it about 100 more times to truly understand the meaning, which is a sign of its depth.
Baby let’s get dressed up
I got two pairs of shoes
Darling you look so beautiful
When your hair’s all hung in jewels
And sometimes I find it really hard to choose
Between a pair of black and a pair of brown shoes
When I’m high on batwings
Up by the silvery moon
I think of a certain sad-eyed king
Trapped in his golden room
And I dream of a cold river on the way
To come and sweep that king into this black and brown bay
Well the water looks like jewelry
When it’s coming out the spout
And nothing could make me feel better
Than a wet kiss on the mouth
Fake ID’s and honey bees
The jagged skyline of car keys
I never knew a bird could fly so low
Rub out the catlight
Rub out the village
Red and white exit light
That’s exodus damage
Why don’t people think of who they use?
Why don’t you try and come and get me:
Black and brown blues
It’s raining triple sec in Tchula
And the radio plays “Crazy Train”
There’s a quadroon ball in the beehive
Hanging out in the rain
And when there’s trouble I dont like running
But I’m afraid I got more in common
With who I was than who I am becoming
When I go downtown
I always wear a corduroy suit
Cause it’s made of a hundred gutters
That the rain can run right through
But a lonely man can’t make a move
If he can’t even bring himself to choose
Between a pair of black and a pair of brown shoes
3 Likes
I did not rate myself to make podium, so 3rd bubble of the series incoming?
In 4th place, earning 9 points: Jackson C. Frank – I Want To Be Alone (Dialogue) (L=11, M=5, F=6, R=2.7333r)
This was the biggest surprise placement for me after my first cursory listen. While I was a little underwhelmed by the music, the true value of the song didn’t come until I read the lyrics. Consequently, it’s here in 4th, and it has really grown on me over repeated listens. The overall feel of sadness is there, and the lyrics are almost as gutwrenching as the previous entry.
I want to be alone
I need to touch each stone
Face the grave that I have grown
I want to be
Alone
Before all the days are gone
And darker walls are bent and torn
To pass the time of those who mourn
I want to be
Alone
Rivers that run anywhere
Are in my hand and just up the stair
Past the eyes of those who care
Who can never be
Alone
Changes that were not meant to be
Tow the hours of my memory
Sing a song of love to me
To say you must never
Never be alone
The tears of a silent rain
Seek shelter on my broken pain
And run away, but I remain
To speak the words
That sing
Of alone
I want to be alone
I need to touch each stone
Face the grave that I have grown
I want to be
Alone
2 Likes
I’m in still too.
2 Likes
This is my entry. I little while ago, I was hoping for an R > 2. So I’m pleased with this finish.
3 Likes
This song probably moved the most after I really started ranking them. On first listen, I was like, nah. Then later I was like, yeah.
1 Like
The podium! YAY!
In 3rd place, earning 10 points: Dum Dum Girls – Rimbaud Eyes (L=7, M=12, F=8, R=2.9)
Comments: Recently discovered, but I really dig this song. It’s been a while since I read any Rimbaud, but lyrics are alluding to Rimbaud’s poem the Drunken Boat.
Here’s the one that kind of alludes to a classic poem, and yes, I see it. I appreciate Rimbaud because he inspired one of my favorite poets, Pablo Neruda, and this song made me think of one of my favorites of his, Leaning Into The Afternoons. Anyway, I gave this an average L score because it’s like a combination of pure song lyrics and poetry, and I wasn’t sure how else to rate it. However, the music is right up my alley in a genre that I love, and that really catapulted this to the podium. Great track, and I’m going to look up more from this band.
You got rimbaud eyes
You got rimbaud eyes
You got!
Truly, I have wept too much
In the dawns are heart breakers
Every moon is atrocious, every sun bitter
Sharp love has swollen me up!
You got rimbaud eyes
You got rimbaud eyes
You got rimbaud eyes
You got rimbaud eyes
You got!
I can no more
Bathed in your languors
O waves, sail in your wake
I can no more I can no more
Bathed in your languors
O waves, sail in your wake
You got rimbaud eyes
You got rimbaud eyes
You got rimbaud eyes
You got rimbaud eyes
You got!
No I, a boat lost on the blue
Am hurled by hurricanes
Into bird-less ether
Into forever blue-into you
You got rimbaud eyes
You got rimbaud eyes
You got rimbaud eyes
You got rimbaud eyes
You got!
3 Likes