I wish there was someone I could hire to do this stuff. I suck at it even more.
I want to post a parenting brag. Two days ago, my younger son wanted to talk to me because a friend of his in 8th grade ate an edible before school and was super-wasted all day. He didnāt have any huge concerns, but wanted to talk about it and knew I wouldnāt freak out. We had a good honest conversation - I told him that, as he knows, Iām pretty comfortable with the idea that most people are going to try drugs and alcohol at some point, but that getting wasted before school in 8th grade is not normal and is a likely indicator (but not a guarantee) of problems ahead. And that he might want to keep this in mind when considering his friendās judgement in general. He asked some questions, and it was a good talk.
Then, today he wanted to talk because a different friend was talking about needing to masturbate twice every day and called my son weird when he said he doesnāt do it that often. And obviously I told him that neither of them are weird. Another good, frank conversation.
Never in a million zillion years would I have felt able to have either of these conversations with either of my parents. It makes me feel like Iāve done/am doing something right.
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Thats awesome, my freshman had a very similar convo with me about the exact same thing. A little concerning it seems so easy for kids to get edibles, we keep ours locked up, but I was really proud of him coming to talk to me about it. My advice was pretty equal to yours. A lot of people get the urge to experiment as they get older, being safe is the most important thing. Safest way to be safe is not take shit randomly and wait til youre legal and buy it from a reputable source, and do it in a place thats safe and known. (Fentanyl concerns currently are shitty to think about but unfortunately something to have in mind.)
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Sick brag. For real. I wish I had that with my kids. But I donāt, and Iām not sure what to do to attain it.
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How old?
Be open and honest and let them know they can do the same. Being able to come to you with anything without judgement or anger goes a long way.
I donāt think thereās a magic formula, and a large piece of it just depends on who the kid is - my older one isnāt as open.
But I will say that neither of my kids have the same relationship with my wife. There are a lot of differences between us personality-wise, but in my opinion the biggest thing that has caused this is a lack of consistency of her part. She changes her stance with them a lot, draws lines in the sand that she then allows them to cross without consequence, and does things she says she wasnāt going to do. Obviously, that undermines trust. With me, they may not always like what theyāre going to get, but they know what theyāre going to get. And then along with that like @CanadaMatt3004 said comes stuff like lack of moral judgement, etc.
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And its hard. One of the goals we feel is to instill good morals into them, and that can seem incredibly difficult without seeming like you are passing moral judgement.
Hereās an example. I am solidly against MRA ideology, incel pipeline bullshit that I know leads to misoginy and radicalization. So when my son comes to me in 8th grade and tells me he saw a youtube video he wants to show me that ends up being by one of the shitheads I am aware of. I know how I feel, and I know how I want my son to feel, but simply saying āThat guy is a misogynist asshole, you shouldnt be watching thatā is counterproductive. It shuts down communication before it even starts.
So I asked him, what is it that you like about this video? What are the points in here that he made that you found interesting or compelling? This part where you were laughing along with him, what did you find funny about that?
The specifics dont matter, but when he responded to those questions I listened and didnt judge. When he was done I told him it was an interesting video but I found some inconaistencies in what was being said. I used it as a jumping off point to discuss investigating sources. I took one of the more egregious claims and said āLets look into this stat he said here. Where did he get it from? Why would somebody choose to use this specific stat from this specific source as opposed to something like this that looks to be investigated and studied more? Is it possible that he is using the stats in such a way to encourage people to look at things the way he wants them to be rather than the way they really are? Hereās a link to his online store, is it possible he wants people to think a certain way for a monetary reason?ā And I didnt pepper him with these questions, it was a dialogue, letting him answer each question and then discussing how I felt about each. But during the entire thing, I didnt judge that he was watching it or found it compelling to begin with. I explained how I feel that these types of people will make a video with the widest net possible to make people think their views are more acceptable than they might be.
In the end, he stopped watching it, and found better youtube videos to watch, more centered around science and stuff. But the most important thing was A) he was comfortable coming to me to being with. B) i didnt judge his actions or thoughts and C) I introduced my own thoughts and feelings without demanding that he also think and feel that way. Its how I try to handle almost everything he comes to me with and I feel its kept him coming to me with stuff even if it seems hard on the surface.
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Less than two weeks until we drop my older one at college. My wife is losing her mind. I cannot even imagine what itās going to be like when we get to this point with the younger one, my lord. Pray for me.
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Our younger one goes in September (she started locally, but xfers this year). 
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Congrats! Berkeley right? Mine is going to WSU, so if the Pac 10? 12? 9? conference survives theyāll be rivals 
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The elder graduated from Berkeley last Spring. (she just got a job teaching AP History). The younger is xferring to Santa Cruz.
The transfer plan wouldāve been great for mine, but he just was not into it. Santa Cruz is great, he was bummed to not get in.
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a friend sent me this when my oldest left for college a couple of years ago. still keep it open on a tab
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I took my kid to Chicago this weekend to look at some schools. I knew that costs were high, but seeing those numbers in person just hit different.
Just a casual $90k per year.
1700 a month rent? Or is this just for ten months? I assume thats with X number of roomates too. You have to be able to find housing with roomates for cheaper off campus
Probably 10 months, and I think it varies on the particular setup you get. First two years are required to be on campus, too.
It really is great to see your kids get older and more independent, but this is one decidedly not-great aspect.
Send your kid to Europe for school
Heād love to go to school in London, but that doesnāt help on the financial side.
My school district partnered heavily with our local 2 year college to get high school kids into running start. They graduate high school with an associates degree or very close to being finished with an associates.
Do they not offer that kind of thing in your area?
$90k/yr for school seems ridiculous unless itās med or law school. What is your kid going to major in to justify a $360k school bill?
I love $1,110 in āfeesā. Wanna give any explanation of what Iām spending over a grand on? Nah, just fees. You know how fees are.
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