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Four score and seven pounds ago, I was augur, inugur, uhhh innnawwwwgyougra⌠Sworn in as preshident of these United Shtatesh of America. Now I stand here, today, after scaling a massive ramp. So slick and icey under the hot sun on this 100 degree day that I can assure you Abe himself could not have climbed it without falling on his ass.
I mean, really, he couldnât survive a play. How would he survive a ramp? Sometimes I like to call him Hole In The Head Abe. Get it? I like presidents who didnât die in office. But no, we love our Lincoln donât we? Freed the slaves! Other than that, though, he was pretty good.
But I am proud to accshept your nomination for the party of Lincoln. Many people donât know that, they tell me sir sir this is the party of Lincoln. I said I know, but they said sir you have to tell the people sir they donât know sir.
So here I am, dedicated to the indecent proposal. Proposition. The proposition that all men are created mostly equal. You know, they say that, but men really means land owners. But we are concepting in liberty, we love our liberty like we love our cops, donât we? Boy do we love our copsh! Thatâs why we have concepted on this hallowed ground where many patriots gave what I like to call the last full meashure of deâŚvoteâŚshon. I came up with that myself and they said sir youâre so smart. But we, and I really mean I, have concepts that ALL LIVES MATTERâŚ
Because as Lincoln said, after I said it he said it, he copied me really, but olâ Copycat Abe said there were very fine people on both sides here at Gettishburger and thatâs true today tooâŚ
Etc etc
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Or, from a different point of view, it is the most authentic Garrison ever.
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Very smart words. I have met 4 year olds more eloquent than this fucking idiot.
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That must be garrison satire. Even garrison isnât thatâŚwait a second.
Definitely do not tweet that to @ grr graphics and te him how much you love his latest work.
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I can think of a specific recreation that could show Trump kneeling and Garrison jizzing over it.
RIP George Floyd
So his whitehouse bunker is a finalist for his acceptance speech? Very nice.
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I hate this fucking onion world where itâs so hard to tell whatâs parody. Grrrrr.
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Also heâd make sure his Trump was far more muscular and better endowed (another weird thing about Garrison).
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Translation: go get CTE and die from covid so that Americans wont be reminded every Saturday leading up to the election that I took away what little joy they had in their lives.
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MAKE COLLEGE FOOTBALL SWAMP HARASSMENT!
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Trump should buy college football and run it into the ground worse than Mike McCarthy.
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