Well the fact she didn’t report you or whatever means it was maybe consensual? I think the the idea there are tons of women just falsely accusing men of rape for the fun of it is wrong. Also consenting adults can definitely do the group sex without it being rape. If she was extremely drunk maybe not but that doesn’t seem to be what you are saying.
I think the most damning thing with the Cornell case is no one is debating the fact she was extremely intoxicated. Which again makes it basically impossible to truly consent. You brought up a similar example to mine where you end up sleeping with someone you wouldnt have sober or without extreme coercion. Ya that’s not ok just like it wouldn’t be if the sexes of the people were flip flopped. Now as SN points out Hetcis men basically have this happen to them at a fraction of the percentage all other people have it happen. And I think for most guys they just shrug it off and say:
This, and the fact that one of the guys sent her a text the next day apologizing for how things went down. If she was into everything they were doing the whole time, why would he have felt it necessary to apologize? This alone makes me lean towards thinking she was definitely raped at some point
I didn’t even think of including situations where I was the possible victim. I had a girlfriend who would come into my apartment when I was asleep and get things going before I was even fully awake. If the roles were reversed I would definitely think of that as being questionable at best.
Well I’ll be the first to say that guys can be pigs. Also, the one really important point is that we can almost always overtake a woman. Like even tho I was coerced into having sex, at no point was I in fear for my safety. Imagine being a woman having to deal with a much stronger man, let alone a group of them. So it’s not the same at all imo
I’ll give a very specific example and I guess ask whether we think it is rape or not. Freshman year I’m at U of Kansas. My roommate is dating one of our high school friends who goes to K State which is like an hour and change or so down I-70 or so. The gfs roommate also is from our same high school and she has always been flirtatious with me. So all 4 of us knew each other. My roommate is going there for a party weekend and the gfs roommate calls me and says I should come with him. Ok sure. We go to a party and drink heavily and go back to their dorm and hook up. She was very clearly trying to take things there although she was drunk by the time we ended up in bed. I wake up to her crying on the phone with her boyfriend(that I didn’t even know she had). I drive back to Lawrence and never talk to her again.
Am I a rapist? Like that story is literally from 1999 but to this day I don’t know the answer.
I was passed out once at a party and came to to a guy giving me a blow job. I definitely didn’t consent, but also it wasn’t a traumatic experience. When I realized what was happening, I just got up and left and it never felt threatening. Unlikely I would have been able to leave that easily were I a woman. I never even thought of it as sexual assault until I posted about this once on 2p2 and El Diablo said something about me having been raped.
Talk about an awkward spot. I would chalk that up to regret sex on her end. Wouldn’t call it rape tho
I guess the safest rule would be no fun when either or both parties are inebriated? Like today I wouldn’t even have sex with someone who isn’t my gf if we’re drinking
I drove someone home about a year ago because she was too drunk to drive. She started flirting and I told her was flattered but she had too much to drink. She got real mad at me, I still think it was the right call
I got more experience here than everyone else here combined on this topic. Ketamine is a favorite medicine of mine to use. The answer is “it depends” unfortunately
She was enthusiastic about some of it. That has absolutely no bearing.
She was clearly not enthusiastic about all of it.
There’s is no possible scenarios of enthusiastic consent to be invited in a group to have sex with someone you don’t know while that person is incredibly high on ketamine and drunk, then you walk in and “whip it out” (a direct quote) have sex with her and hit her and take pictures
It’s a frat. They are in college. There’s a huge drama/brag about sex. There were what sounded like 10s if not hundreds of messages. It was widely discussed afterwards.
Absolutely every single person in that group read the messages.
I have never had sex while drunk or high outside of a relationship. This is more due to crippling introversion and shyness than anything else
Is there space between consent and rape? Eg if you’re both pretty drunk, can it be non consensual but not rape? If yes, does this only happen in a relationship or could it also apply to one night stands?
I think there’s no doubt I was sexually assaulted, but it’s not something that ever gave me any trauma, it just weirded me out. It was a guy I worked with in a restaurant, and I had to see him all the time afterwards and it was never a big deal; no different than if I’d drunkenly hooked up with someone intentionally and then we never spoke about it again, which was the case with a few other people at that restaurant.
