It comes in waves. It’ll pass.
Do you have a therapist?
Slept fine, I haven’t drunk any alcohol in like 5 years and I’m walking more than ever up to 7 miles a night. Think I’ve possibly been trying to stave off this feeling through walking but it hasn’t worked.
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You should really consider seeing a therapist, if you aren’t already.
I feel like the benefit of a therapist is they allow you to see clearly. But seeing clearly is my problem I don’t have the blinders of most people which allow them to ignore the obvious. Like the system is locked into an eternal death spiral where the worst people succeed and never face consequences while anyone without power is unpersoned and turned into grist for the machine. I’m tapdancing on the edge of precarity with just enough to lose that falling off that edge will hurt terribly. Sure, but why not enjoy a sunset.
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Interesting short documentary that just came out. Scary what you can do with a 3D printer
https://twitter.com/jake_hanrahan/status/1331082056525369348?s=21
https://twitter.com/jake_hanrahan/status/1331104301008171008?s=21
You have to let go of it a little and accept the changes that are coming, even when they’re almost certainly for the worse. There’s nothing you can do about it really; it’s just how human societies are evolving, unfortunately.
One of the insidious aspects of depression is that it distorts a person’s perception, so it’s difficult to self-evaluate and know if you actually are seeing things clearly. On more than one occasion I have come to the rational conclusion that my life wasn’t worth living, and that the most reasonable thing to do would be to kill myself. That is to say, I don’t doubt things seem clear and your reasoning appears sound from your perspective, but if you’re suffering from depression you by definition aren’t reasoning clearly, and the best thing you can do is to find a therapist that you like and feel comfortable talking to, so they can help assess your state of mind.
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This.
@geewhysee I know exactly the “seeing clearly” feeling you describe. You’re seeing one future. But your brain is assuming daily life will always feel like it does now - which absolutely is not the case.
I strongly recommend at least trying a therapist. It did me a world of good. If your instinct is to be honest in this thread and reach out to us at least, then maybe that’s something inside you realizing that you need some help in this thing.
I’ve always valued your posting - from back when you were the “smart libertarian with a conscience” (you were tomdemaine right?). You’ve contributed a ton to this community over the years. You can let us contribute back by just humoring us and talking to a therapist ;)
If you’re perpetually in a state like this these days, medication might help. Maybe you can even hook up with a psilocybin or ketamine treatment - which seem to be really promising. MDMA did wonders for my state of mind in my early 20s. But I’m not recommending you go out and do something off the street.
I got diagnosed with ADHD through my therapist. Ritalin helps me focus and get through tasks, which definitely helps my overall mood. Each day goes from feeling like a mountain to climb to feeling like a flat walk. YMMV obviously but just giving an example of how medication helped me in a way I didn’t expect.
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RIP My laptop
Here’s hoping that data can be recovered. Sucks since a lot of teaching material is on there.
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I’m getting PTSD from my parents. Did you not back anything up?
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when exactly was new york great? i have a suspicion that always glosses over some extremely shady shit that’s bound to happen with a few million people living in close proximity.
https://timeline.com/photos-real-get-down-147da4097450
https://www.businessnarts.com/blog/gf0ukitun12ug35ajmw0mxvhx1z01i
I love these dudes
NYC in the 70s and 80s - the “crime-ridden hellhole” Rudy cleaned up to replace with the M&M store and Bubba Gump’s on Times Square - looked pretty awesome.
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I’ve found a couple things that have helped.
Watching a sad movie, tv show, or even listening to songs. Then having a good cry. 5 minutes or an hour. A release.
A good hug. One of the dogs just wandered past and got a solid minute of happy.
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I like hot baths, but I’m also mindful to not excessively roast the troops in hot water. Are scuba shorts a solution? Or surely the sauna/hot tub peoples of the world have invented something. “Put them in a thermos” is not a practical or comfortable plan.
Watch The Deuce for some sweet 70s NYC action
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I understand how we had the exact same idea for a joke, you just have a time machine and stole my idea from the future. But how did you make the text grey?