I’ve been researching this on google but figured since we have lawyers and overall smart people here I figured I mine as well give this a shot too.
One of my best friends is dealing with a extremely unstable stalker. My initial advice was to inform the police but they haven’t been much help, possibly because they’re both female.She filed for a restraining order but we’re still waiting on that.
It’s extremely serious. A few weeks ago her stalker committed herself to a psych hospital and they kept her for 72 hours but they let her out. This girl shows up outside her house even though she lives an hour away and just sit outside her apartment. She will follow her around. She suspects she’s tried to break into her apartment a few times. She blocked her on everything but said stalker sent her like 100+ messages on venmo overnight. She threatened to kill my friends date, in person not over messages. We know through a mutual friend she’s also at least tried to buy a gun, and we’ve heard that her father has one and she might have it now.
I’ve given her the standard advice of just being super precaution and to call the cops anytime she see’s her but this is fucking her up. She has called me at 3am a few times terrified because her stalker has shown up outside her house and is sitting out front in the car.
We’re all part of a big kind of festival type community and the stalker is well known inside the community and its important to her. I’ve thought about threatening the stalker that we’re gonna go public with the info ( friend has pictures and messages ) if she doesn’t stop but I don’t know if it’d backfire and make her more reckless. Or just straight going public to get others involved to try to stop her.
Your friend should be able to get an immediate restraining order for like 200 yards and other restrictions. In CA she would get a hearing that day, though she has to fill out various forms and file them with the clerk, and the stalker likely has to be served. I believe she can get like a 72 hr ex parte order with no service, and at that hearing the judge will set a hearing date for a longer order, for which service must be made.
Don’t blackmail/threaten the person. Either ignore her or try to be sympathetic/reasonable and get her to chill.
She can’t disappear. She has a 15 year old kid and is a struggling single parent even though shes a nurse, as she’s been crushed by medical debt from recently beating cancer. She doesn’t really have the resources and can’t really miss work. I’ve offered them to crash at my place but I’m like 1.5 hours away. Missing work likely means losing her job. And she definitely can’t miss the paychecks.
She has been ignoring her as I said she blocked her on everything. But that hasn’t helped so far. Haven’t considered telling her to try and be understanding/nice to get her to chill. Maybe thats the next move?
@simplicitus this is in CA and she did get a hearing but from my understanding they haven’t ruled on it yet? Should this take place immediately.
There should be an immediate, or max within 24 hrs, hearing for an ex parte order. At the hearing the judge should give a date for a longer term order, which must be served. Only difference, I’d think, is if the judge denied the ex parte order for lack of legal basis.
CA state or county websites have all the forms with very detailed instructions intended for the general public. It’s really easy to find and acquire all the relevant information if you’re friend has the net, a printer, and a scanner. If not she can do it at a library.
It would probably be illegal to fire her if she’s dealing with the issue in good faith and notifies the employer. In fact, if the employer knew it probably wouldn’t want her to show up at work until it’s resolved. You mention excuses like debt, which makes me think there is more going on, as that’s not really an excuse here.
I asked her if ex parte was mentioned at the hearing, so I’ll update once I know.
The debt thing is what she told me when I suggested she leave town for a bit. She doesn’t have the resources and can’t really afford it or to miss work. I’ll tell her to talk to her employer. I mean most people assume their employers don’t really give a shit so I don’t know why its a redflag that someone would be afraid of being fired for asking for time off because of a stalker. I would assume they wouldn’t want the drama and fire me too and just find a BS reason.
There might be more going on but I’ve seen the messages, videos, and pictures so whatever else this woman is absolutely a threat and stalking her.
Is she a real nurse? Does she work at a hospital or other patient-oriented facility? They don’t want psycho stalkers.
Ex parte just means without notice. Can’t get a long term restraining order without notice and a hearing, as that would violate the rights of the stalker, but she can get a short term one. Your friend has not been handling things right if the situation is as you describe it.
She’s a nurse but doesn’t have the credit card room for 3 days in a hotel? She needs to stay in her county as that’s where her work is and where the relevant courthouse is.
Hospital. And you’re probably right but I don’t think its a redflag for someone to be worried about being fired in this situation. Especially a struggling single parent.
As for the gun, when the police won’t help and there is an immediate threat I think a gun in this case is reasonable.It’s an absolute last resort. I don’t like guns either but when you and you and your kids life at risk what else do you do?
I told her she should leave and she told me she can’t. So fuck you, no shit its not being handled well which is why I came to this community. Which I’ve been apart of for years and have never made any drama seeking posts or lied about shit. How about some compassion you asshole, even if we’re both idiots?
They don’t give a fuck if she’s a struggling single parent. They give a fuck if they fire her after she gives notice of an emergency, cause then they get sued. Get a clue.
I don’t think you have all the relevant information or your friend has looked online. The system is designed to handle this exact situation and does 100x per day. She should be able to get it resolved in 12 hrs if she is a functional adult.
Why doesn’t she outright call cops while she’s in the process of stalking her? Filing a police report after the fact won’t do shit by itself. Seeing her in the act is different.
Aside from that, Simplicitus seems to know his stuff.
I didn’t even fucking argue that they would you shit head, I argued that its reasonable for someone to be afraid for their job. Especially after being on the verge of losing her apartment after being out of work for a year. She isn’t a lawyer, people get fired for bullshit all the time
She said the ex parte was denied. Sounds like they didn’t allow her to submit video or photographic evidence at the hearing? Her quote
That’s what I already did that’s what they denied
It’s kind a lame on the paperwork and I mean I’ll show it to you I wish you were here you could serve her just write out sentences and you can’t submit anything and I have another picture of her with a gun. I called the police I need to I’m just so flustered they asked if she was right here and I said no
So she already presented the relevant facts to a judge under oath and the restraining order was denied? That tells me there is more going on here than you’ve conveyed. Either you’re holding something back, or more likely she’s lying to you.
She was a nurse in CA who was out of work for a year? Are you lying about that or is she?
She can call the cops next time she sees the stalker. My guess is the stalker doesn’t have a weapon and your friend is delusional or lying to you.
If she is a nurse, she probably has a ton of resources available via the nurses union.
Is she actually a “nurse” or is she more like a home health aide?
If her ex parte was denied then she able to arrange for service of the papers for the full hearing date? She’s probably fucking up that aspect and she needs someone who is not her to serve the papers on the stalker, which can be a pain but is 100% essential if she wants a full time restrating order.
The ex parte may have been denied for a technical defect, but the hearing on the normal order will still move forward within like 7-14 days. If she does manage to serve the stalker (though she cannot serve the stalker by herself), it’s likely the stalker will fail to appear and she will get the restraining order by default.