Movies (and occasionally face slaps) (Part 1)

Cobweb (2023)

2/10

This movie was terrible. Everything in this movie is so ham-fisted. You have the kid living in the wall trope. You have parents who are acting so obviously weird. You have the wierd early 1900s shiplap walls house. You have the entire back yard full wall to wall of pumpkins without rhyme or reason. The dad calls it a garden but it doesn’t look like a garden, it looks like an entire backyard full of pumpkins.

It was so ham-fisted that I thought they were circling around and doing some kind of reverse The Shining where the kid is possessed and/or seeing things. The kid looks like the kid from the Shining, everything seems surreal, etc. I was ready to be like dang OK you got me.

Sadly nope the third act reveal is there really is a monster in the wall.

Only points awarded are for Lizzy Caplin for her repressed Victorian outfits. You know high collared shirts with sweaters. Long flowing dresses with poofy shoulders.

And Antony Starr playing, you guessed it, a barely repressed psychopath who, even while smiling, you know is about 30 seconds away from violence. Guy seems so specifically typecast that it does make me wonder about him as a person.

4 Likes

Mission Impossible was as absurd as it was entertaining as it was long.

It was very long.

4 Likes

Saw new mission impossible. It’s really dumb but fun I agree with filmcast that it’s the most obviously butchered screenplay and marketing campaign in recent memory.

1 Like

Terrifier 2

Um ok this was something, if you can handle absolutely ridiculous and graphic violence with a little cannabilism thrown in it wasn’t a bad slasher flick. Definitely too long but the guy who plays the clown does a great job with the whole miming thing, makeup/special effects crew probably deserve some kind of award.

1 Like

I loved the new mission impossible, besides the woman characters still being 2D.

Paramount now streaming new Super Mario Bros movie

Disney+ now streaming Guardians of the Galaxy 3

:popcorn::popcorn::popcorn:

4 Likes

I loved inception.

In part because the way it represents love seems something really unique.

I.e. that a great love is a lifetime of moments that are special but ultimately almost totally forgotten, especially as we age. I.e. not forgotten because we die, but just forgotten because you can’t remember everything.

Roma is great. Just beautiful.

There’s a scene in there (no spoilers) which is up there as best single shots in film history.

2 Likes

In light of this prior exchange, I did find it funny when I dialed up the newest episode this morning and it started with them discussing, “Uhh, so do people like it when we BS for like 10 minutes at the beginning?” Especially when Andy’s position was “I start Maron at minute 12.”

3 Likes

Finished Lion yesterday. Loved it. The first act was quite unsettling (albeit not in an artistically bad way, more in a “this is like a variation of sitting and watching Aronofsky” way), and my queasy, tense feeling during was only aided by the knowledge that the movie only works if nothing truly catastrophic happens. The movie remains compelling at all points and pays off with a strong finale. 8/10.

2 Likes

Lol same. Or their point that well some people dgaf about the thing being reviewed and only tune in for the early segments when they’re just shooting the shit.

That’s what I do with Conan.

I’d be more inclined to fast-forward past the Maron opening than the Conan opening. I enjoy the Conan/Sona dynamic more than I enjoy hearing Maron talk about his colon.

1 Like

Skipping Barbie and Oppenheimer so I can see Talk To Me later. Life is all about tough decisions.

1 Like

Took me a while to figure out you guys aren’t talking about Conan/Red Sonia here.

brigitte-nielsen-hyborian-age-conan-the-destroyer-ennio-morricone-red-sonja-sonja-conan-the-barbarian-arnold-schwarzenegger-gladiator-film-poster-thumbnail

2 Likes

I remember seeing that in theaters. Was so bad.

1 Like

Watched Patriot Games on Prime, which somehow I’ve never seen. As much as I wanted to like it, I have to say it’s not very good. The script is slow yet preposterous, ending with Sean Bean doing a SEAL team 6 at Harrison Ford’s house.

2 Likes

Where you from, Willard?

Chud-hio, sir.

Nevertheless, one of the most exhaustive inquiries into the status of the conflict yet compiled

Though the American public is in no mood to accept this optimistic conclusion, he is sufficiently anxious to make their conclusions known and to have experts speak on it in general terms

Def the worst jack ryan vehicle on the big or small screen