i am always puzzled by people blocking you on social media 6+ months after you last even spoke to them. what does that behavior mean? genuinely curious
i swear i’ll never understand why or how girls fall in love with me, i’m super annoying and my own friends can barely tolerate me most of the time
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latest house update:
I wish I had better news. I have been holding off writing this email because (redacted) and I have one more person to talk to about whether there is a loophole how to remove you from the loan without refinancing. So far, every loan officer and mortgage person I have talked to said a complete refi is the only way, and with the current interest rates, I am not able to qualify unfortunately. Even though my income and credit are now good enough to qualify at the original interest rate of 3%, with the current interest rate my mortgage would increase by over $1000 a month thus I no longer qualify.
I feel horrible. I did not see this coming that the interest rate would spike as it did, neither did anyone else. Dennis was surprised too. We all thought they would stay low to keep the economy stimulated.
I have been racking my brain how to make this right. The only comfort I can offer is that
a) if you are at all worried that I can’t pay the mortgage in any given month, I can offer you one mortgage payment to hold on to as a reserve and a promissory note that if you ever had to use it, I would put the house on the market immediately. I know that will not happen, my income has been steady and I already have a few mortgage payments in my account as “reserve”. I have made every mortgage payment on the 1st without fail (this isnt true btw but i dont think ive been dinged)
b) after only 4 more payments, this loan does not affect you anymore because you will be able to show that for 12 consecutive months, you did not make a mortgage payment so it won’t go against your income to debt ratio. This was confirmed to me by 3 different loan officers.
I know this is not what you want to hear, and I am so sorry this happened but I just don’t know what else to say. If we do find a loophole, of course we’ll take it, and when interest rates come back down, I will refi at the soonest day possible. I want you off this loan as much as you do because this is not what you signed up for and you don’t deserve this.
Warm Regards,
(redacted)
my concerns arent so much the loan. if they cant pay, whatever, just sell it. easy decision.
my concerns are related to risk and annoyance to myself. tax obligations - how are we gonna take care of those long term? How am I gonna guarantee that insurance is properly paid for and stuff? what happens if the house burns down? etc. just gonna get a lawyer and draw it out with them.
Lawyer seems good for this kind of thing
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yea if the DTI thing is true I think a lawyer is going to be able to draw something up that works for everyone.
it may even benefit me a bit.
even funnier, and the most petty, is i get to laugh at the fact that the sis is gonna spend a significant chunk of her life receiving statements and junk mail offers with both our names on them. chefskiss. so funny. hope it pisses her off each time
one of the biggest pots i won all year i think was maybe the worst played hand ive ever been in
8/16 LHE but it’s a kill pot so 12/24. game is absolutely nuts, 3 bets are going 4+ ways pretty much every hand. i am in BB with Td and what I thought was a T of hearts - it’s raised by some maniac to my immediate left, 4 calls and then to me, who had planned on 3 betting with TT but as i peeked one more time I realized the other T was actually a 7 of diamonds - something about my confusion, fatigue, and awkwardness made the dealer think I had 3 bet but i was trying to call.
then i was like whatever, this plays fine with this many players let’s see some diamonds baby
226 rainbow. I was like ok might as well try to iso the maniac or some complete nonsense and i bet. he calls and gets 2 other callers (typically these other two would call most preflops/flops and fold turn or river and were basically barely in the hand as far as i was concerned)
turn Q spades or something. I bet again, he calls, the droolers fold. at this point i tell myself im probably done.
river A no flush. I look at the pot and what easily has to be like 25 bets and i swear i heard that louie ck bit in my head where hes about to die on the plane and the atc tells the pilot “ok i guess every stupid decision you’ve made so far makes this a good one” and I bet and he tanked and folded and I’ve never been so shocked to see chips pushed towards me.
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Did you show?
fuck no i was mortified
“Damn, nice fold. Way to save a bet. I had it.”
Shows T7dd.
Villain’s head explodes.
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i quit poker game is cruel
focus on dnd to recover from a series of beats that were tolerable but really irritating. interviews coming up. weather’s nice. car’s running good. i am in pain but what is new
I got a new therapist and a big focus of my therapy going forward is a big decision I finally made, to abstain from drinking going forward.
alcohol has been a tricky relationship in my life. I’d never ever try to say things were healthy, but they were never quite bad or what I’d describe as problematic - definitely not unproblematic, but the problems here and there were quite tolerable and mostly me just saying stuff I’d have wished I didn’t (but was typically something I’d desperately wanted to say anyway).
Anyway, long written about it and been aware of i and never felt like it was an issue bigger than what I could deal with til the last year or so. for the last year it’s become increasingly easy to drink far more than I had intended which is something I never ever have struggled with. finally I made the decision to just end the relationship.
my therapist thinks it’s a root cause of my untreatable depression. i vehemently disagree for a few reasons that are pretty rational:
- I’ve had long stretches of no drinking + depression before
- my depression preceeded my drinking by nearly a decade and the drinking always seemed to worsen with depression, never the other way around. eg if a particularly bad episode subsided or got better, the drinking would too, almost instantly.
so I’ve always viewed it as a symptom rather than a cause but since I’ve tried every other thing I’m trying this now. it has been very very easy with medication. right now even if I had an overwhelming urge to drink I physically cannot and it’ll likely remain that way for at least a year.
tonight though was the first night in weeks where I’ve been in a particularly foul mood and had an urge to drink. it’s been almost 3 weeks now and tonight would mark the first desire to drink I’ve had. it was really irritating being in a worked up state and not having that. I’m a little irritated at my OG therapist for not a single time in 5 years being able to come up with anything for me that works like alcohol does for me in coping with pain or difficult emotions or panic attacks or whatever else it could be at that moment.
new therapist sent me this and I’m really resisting the urge to tell him to go fk himself:
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Hi Jmakin,
Congratulations on your recent sobriety! I can tell that you’re struggling right now with how to cope with negative mood states without alcohol, but learning how to do this is a important and not-fun part of sobriety. I’m hoping that you can work with him (or someone else) around this.
If I were you, I wouldn’t get trapped in the chicken-egg loop about the causes and effects of your drinking and depression. I doubt that alcohol “is the root of your depression,” although once you became a problem drinker it likely has interacted with your tendency towards depression. Unless you have the ability to reliably drink in moderation, I’d say sobriety is probably the way to go.
Stay strong!
Dr. Chess
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thanks. I am pretty sure that I know what the root of my depression is. one of the big triggers to the latest dip was uncovering some very severe physical abuse I had endured as a very young child. I always thought my abuse/neglect started well into my teen years but it appears definitely not. I don’t know how I “forgot” - I never really did, it just wasn’t a thing that ever popped into the forefront of my mind.
anyway whilst uncovering this we realized I do have some kind of disocciation thing going on, and my therapist sort of let it slip that I’m very likely permanently messed up. my neuro did a deep genetic study on me and found no biological predeliction towards any mental illness and afaict I am the only one in my family that’s ever struggled with chronic depression other than possibly my father.
it’s just really irritating to me now that the only thing I’ve ever successfully used to cope is no longer here and I have no replacement whatsoever. my therapist comes up with stupid shit like “golf.” ok well you tell me how I can golf at 3:30 am after a trauma nightmare and ensuing panic attack - even if my body allowed it, which it won’t.
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Did your therapist tell you that avoidance is usually an unhealthy form of coping?
yes but it has got me this far
And are you satisfied with the place it has gotten you?
I would likely say yes, without it, I do not think I ever graduated
Are you satisfied if it never gets better than the past year?
not at all