I mean, I’m pretty sure gigantic asshole is the only criteria for this draft
There are likely thousands of gigantic assholes that are nowhere close to the biggest assholes of all time. People can pick whoever they want, but isn’t half the fun criticizing spewy picks?
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Kinda meh on the Jesus pick. I view him more like a quack doctor or a street magician. Not his fault that people were stupid enough to think he was a savior.
One of my favorite historical arguments is that Jesus was all right, but Paul was the one who took a simple suggestion to love one another and weaponized it to form a Church of immense power.
I haven’t kept up with the research into the historicity of Jesus in fifteen or so years, but one of the last books on the topic I enjoyed was Misquoting Jesus.
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I don’t know if it’s a hot take or not but early Christianity wasn’t half bad, although I read something recently that suggested its reputation as a religion for the exploited poor is somewhat overstated. If you want an asshole more responsible for Christianity breaking bad, you may need to wait for my next asshole (if I don’t change my mind, possible).
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Yeah, I’m pretty familiar with this one and tend to give it some credence. The actual words of Jesus in the Gospels are generally sound advice and things you can do-- love one another; judge not; care for the poor and sick, etc. Paul’s version perverted it into this mysticism of worshiping the man and all his symbols.
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Fuuuuuuuuckkkkkk and just like that we took away a potentially bigger pick than Jesus. Sorry if my chitchat sniped someone.
Neat to meet another person familiar with this stuff 
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My round 2 pick doesn’t have the recognition of Christopher Columbus, but in terms of assholishness, he very might well exceed him.
Francisco Pizarro
Born poor in central Spain in 1529, Pizarro would attempt to strike it rich in the New World. He quickly found success in the sought after ways of capturing and torturing the natives. In order to get gold and silver, he would burn the eyes of the native chiefs. By attaching himself (and subsequently betraying) other conquistadors, Pizarro managed to climb his way to being appointed the mayor of the newly founded Panama City.
However, that wasn’t good enough. Word of the earlier conquest of a fuckton of gold by [UNDRAFTED] led Pizarro to belief that he could replicate or even outdo that mission.
He would set sail for the south. After a few unsuccessful journeys, he would find what he was looking for in modern day Peru. The local Tumpis welcomed these fair skinned men hospitably. Pizarro was much more focused on their gold and silver decorations and the stories of other riches nearby. After sending out scouts to comb the area, Pizarro returned to Panama and then to Spain, where he recruited his brother, other family members and other locals from his town to join him on his next conquest.
Landing again in Tumbes, Pizarro and his men marched into the heart of the Inca Empire and met the leader, Atahualpa. After Atahualpa rejected Christianity, Pizarro had the excuse he needed to go on a murderous rampage. Over 2000 Inca were killed and Atahualpa was captured.
Atahualpa offered Pizarro that in exchange for his freedom, the Inca people would fill two giant rooms with gold and silver, worth over half a billion dollars in today’s money. Of course, Pizarro and his men had him burned at the stake anyway. A short time later the Inca Empire was dead.
Thanks, asshole.
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I’ve read a couple of Ehrman books and listened to a few debates/conversations that he’s had. I’ve found his content to be interesting and his arguments are more compelling than most biblical scholars, especially those who are still analyzing it through the lens of a believer.
I liked the Jesus pick. Untold millions of people killed in your name, while insisting you’re going to save humanity(well…not all of humanity…just the good people…and by good people you mean people that worship you). Imagine if Hitler or Pol Pot or un-drafted had over a billion living people insisting they were actually a diety, that’s gotta count for something in this draft.
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I was gonna take Paul in a later round. Somehow my two largest religious options have been sniped
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Fuck man. Now I really feel bad. Sorry.
It’s fine, I’ve got another lined up
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Kevin Sorbo died?!?!?!
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No, but Risky may have inadvertently killed another pick
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Kirk Cameron is dead?!?!?
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I’m teasing, but I did consider Nietzsche briefly, but I’ve settled on another “philosopher” to fill out my team
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Oh good, Im not the only one going for a diverse roster.
I could pick 30 politicians, but Im not gonna.
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While this next pick can’t compete with the sheer numbers of the earlier selections, I would argue that his combination of cruelty combined with his utter lack of utility makes him, pound for pound, the biggest asshole in this draft so far.
He also reminds me the most of Trump with his vanity and absurdity.
With the 17th pick of the 2020 draft, team FunCrusherPlus selects the most depraved of all the Roman emperors; Caligula.
Write up incoming…
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