While this next pick can’t compete with the sheer numbers of the earlier selections, I would argue that his combination of cruelty combined with his utter lack of utility makes him, pound for pound, the biggest asshole in this draft so far.
He also reminds me the most of Trump with his vanity and absurdity.
With the 17th pick of the 2020 draft, team FunCrusherPlus selects the most depraved of all the Roman emperors; Caligula.
Write up incoming…
It’s either that or [redacted].
| Player | Round 1 | Round 2 | Round 3 | Round 4 | Round 5 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| smrk | Alexander teh Great | ||||
| FuncrusherPlus | Josef Mengele, the Angel of Death | Caligula | |||
| eyebooger | Michael Jordan, AKA Hitler | Francisco Pizarro | |||
| CandaMatt3004 | Vlad the Impaler, AKA Alucard | Thomas Jefferson | |||
| WichitaDM | Pol Pot | Jesus of Debatable Origin | |||
| TrueNorth32 | Christopher Columbus | King Leopold II of Belgium | |||
| LFS | Stalin | Idi Amin, the Butcher of Uganda | |||
| superuberbob | Genghis Khan | Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed | |||
| Riverman | Newt Gingrich (LOL) |
Columbus, Pizarro, Leopold easy top3 atm. This is not a body count competition, amoral/immoral psychopath-despots are dime a dozen. Crowd wants blood!
edit: In the old place, SE Death and Destruction draft always brings a smile to my face.
Come now, my dude would kill people in one of the worst ways possible, often times just because.
What an asshole
Respecting this call for more blood, I’m picking Ivan the Terrible at 20. However, also having a unconventionalist streak in me, I’m picking St. Augustine at 21. Write-ups will take a little time, talk amongst yourselves.
Fred Trump
Actually did have Fred Trump as a possibility later on.
I’ll start writing up my pick now, but will be eating soon. Should have it posted within the next couple hours.
Am I up? I am ready to pick but can’t do the writeup today.
You come after me I think. EB, Then me and you
I’m not selecting the first US president of this draft, but I’d say he’s the biggest asshole.
Andrew Jackson
This guy is a dick for many reasons even before he got to the presidency, but I’m just going to focus on that part of his life.
Now it’s well known that the political structure in the United States didn’t exactly treat the natives well. George Washington and Thomas Jefferson among others thought that the best way to handle the native tribes was to “civilize” them in the ways of the white man. These civilization steps included the acceptance of Christianity and learning to read and write English. As absurd as these requirements were, some of the natives actually did adopt these customs and became known as the “Five Civilized Tribes” in exchange for being considered largely autonomous from the federal government.
But that wasn’t good enough for my 3rd round pick. These tribes of the southeastern US controlled a lot of very valuable farmland that white settlers could use to grow cash crops, with the (I guess we’ll call it) assistance of some black people that they owned.
So Jackson had an idea: Move the tribes to Oklahoma.
He got the Indian Removal Act (great name, huh?) passed in 1830 and the forced relocation process began. The Cherokee fought this act all the way to the Supreme Court, and even earned a few victories. In response one of these cases (Worcester v Georgia), Jackson’s response was “(Chief Justice) John Marshall has made his decision; now let him enforce it”.
Despite some resistance, such as the Seminole Wars, the relocations continued throughout the 1830s. In what is now known as the Trail of Tears, up to a quarter of these tribes died in their march westward, mostly from disease. Those that survived found the climate of Oklahoma much different from that of their lands they had occupied for centuries and struggled with their agriculture.
And while there’s not a continent-wide admiration for Jackson like there is with Columbus, his name still graces many parts of this country, including a state capital, the largest city in Florida and counties in 21 states. And to this day, he’s still on the fucking $20 bill.
And if any of this didn’t convince you that he’s an asshole, I’ll leave you with one last fact: Andrew Jackson is Donald Trump’s favorite president.
Bah, I was taking him next. Nice pick.
Ill take Jim Jones
He won’t have the biggest body count, and he wont be the most outspoken of the assholes on this list, but the things he did to his cult members are barbaric and sickening, even to the leadup of the massacre at Jonestown.
Nearly 1/3 of the people killed in Jonestown were under 18.
What most people don’t know is that 70% of people’s Temple members were black. Jones preyed upon the weakest and most vulnerable sectors of our population, funding his projects through stealing social security and welfare checks of his members.
In the end, they had a chance to survive. To get out. Jones was sick, very sick. Instead of dying off and the people getting out, he did what every great asshole does. He decided to take everyone with him.
And who were some of the only people to survive the massacre? If you guessed his immediate family members, you’re right! Specifically his three sons.
Also, who wears sunglasses like this?
What an asshole
I’m taking Lee Atwater. Gotta have a US political figure to round out the squad. Writeup later. Cliffs are Southern Strategy, Willie Horton and pretending to be born again when he got terminally ill at 40. What an asshole.
