Thank you, my liege.
With the 6th overall pick and jman220’s spot I select “Homer at the Bat.”
For a refresher, Homer becomes the star of his office softball team after making his own homemade bat. However after Mr. Burns makes a bet with another plant owner on Springfield’s team winning the game, he decides to bring in some ringers:
Mr. Burns : No, Smithers, I’ve decided to bring in a few ringers. Professional baseballers. We’ll give them token jobs at the plant and have them play on our softball team. Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai “3-Finger” Brown…
Smithers : Sir?
Mr. Burns : What is it, Smithers?
Smithers : I’m afraid all those players have retired and… passed on. In fact, your right fielder has been dead for 130 years.
So he ends up having to hire professional players including Roger Clemens, Ozzie Smith, Jose Conseco, and Daryl Strawberry, who takes Homer’s spot in right field. Burns has them drink a nerve tonic and see a hypnotist to improve their performance for the big game. With this team of ringers, there’s no way he can lose…
**Mr Burns **Smithers, there’s no way I can lose this bet. Unless of course my nine all stars fall victim to nine separate misfortunes and are unable to play tomorrow but that will never happen. Three misfortunes, that’s possible. Seven misfortunes, there’s an outside chance. But nine misfortunes, I’d like to see that.
Well…
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Ozzie Smith disappears into a tourist attraction
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Jose Canseco spends all night saving a woman’s pets and objects from a burning house
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Mike Scoscia gets radiation poisoning from working at the plant
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Ken Griffey Jr. gets gigantism from the nerve tonic
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Roger Clemens remains hypnotized and thinks he’s a chicken
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Steve Sax gets arrested by Springfield PD for every unsolved murder in New York (“you just don’t know when to keep your mouth shut, do you Saxy boy?”)
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Wade Boggs gets punched out by Barney in a bar argument
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Don Mattingly gets kicked off the team for not trimming his sideburns (note he has the entire side of his head shaved)
Only Daryl Strawberry remains, meaning Homer is relegated to the bench. However Mr Byrne decides to put him in to exploit the lefty-righty matchup and Homer…gets beaned in the head to walk home the winning run. Just a tour de force episode from start to finish.
@R.C up next