I can do this, but I need a bit of time. Mostly to sober up so I can write coherently. Give me till tomorrow.
Thanks, by the way. You’re a good guy.
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Anytime dude. Here when you’re ready.
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Hmm, I’m not really the one to say what is alcoholism and what is not. Definitionally, I believe it is a conduct disorder but ultimately that is some shit someone made up to draw a line in the sand. You have to decide what is up and what kind of environment is right for your family. Sounds like wifey isn’t really a drinker except when encouraged, so maybe you can deal with quitting yourself. Good luck whatever happens man. I quit drinking half a bottle a night and that shit was hell. I don’t really miss it at all except times like NYE or when I’m on a date, where I feel like the weird one who can’t drink.
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Man, it’s a hard question. I’ve started typing a response about 3 times now and deleted it because it’s shit. I’ll be honest, my relationship with alcohol is by far the longest standing relationship I’ve had, and I don’t think I can just answer the question without writing a biography.
I don’t even know how it started, either. I remember my first cigarette (I was 11), I remember losing my virginity (also 11), I remember my first line of coke, sort of (I was 35, lol), but I really don’t remember how and why alcohol is a thing for me.
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I could talk about the harm that I think alcohol has done in my life. I have little to no relationship with family. I went to prison. I’m not sure how much of that is alcohol and how much of that is just “me”, but alcohol is at least a co-defendant here.
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Your exploration of the topic can be as imperfect as it needs to be.
I know what to say about everything, but when it comes to sharing the real stuff, I too find myself suddenly mute. But this is one place where I don’t need to impress anyone. The simple act of sharing is the only thing that is needed.
Sharing is an act of service toward yourself and the rest of us who are also struggling. It lets us know we aren’t alone and, though many don’t think so until they start sharing and listening, these rooms are often filled with the laughter of recognition. The details stop mattering. When it comes to addiction or compulsive relationships of any kind, we see how similar our struggles are underneath it all.
I think of sharing and talking about it as “coming into awareness.” You don’t know where it will take you until you start sharing, but you will discover hidden memories, new ways of looking at old memories, and undiscovered ways to make new memories in the days ahead.
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I took my first drink at thirteen.
I’d already been in and out of hospitals and mental institutions for four years.
One sip gave me freedom from the relentless belief that I didn’t deserve to exist.
I asked my sibling when we could go drinking again. She could see it in my eyes. An addict had been born.
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A few general questions if anyone is struggling for what to share. Just remember this is a public thread! Not a closed meeting where everything is private and encrypted.
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When did your relationship with alcohol begin?
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What does alcohol add to your life?
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What does alcohol take away?
If you do not drink, replace “alcohol” with whatever you have a compulsive relationship with. Unstuck Politics counts for a bunch of us.
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I’ve promised people in my life before that I’d go to AA, but never actually followed through. Partly because I’m lazy, party because I don’t think I really want to quit, and partly because it seems like a pseudo-religious cult-like organisation.
I do want a place were I can share my experiences with like-minded people, though, and this seems like it could be it. I’m going to stay and hopefully share bit by bit. It’s kind of difficult, not least because I haven’t really done any introspection for a long time.
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I could start off with this - I posted this anonymously on 2+2 11 years ago:
My life hasn’t really improved since I made that post. If anything, I’ve regressed.
I think I was still a bit optimistic back then. Oh, to be 28 again.
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@anon29622970 did you delete your post? There was nothing wrong with that post, and yes, I do have an addictive personality. I didn’t respond because I was processing your comment, not because there was anything wrong with what you posted.
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I deleted because I was worried it might be read as judgmental when that wasn’t my intention. Glad to know you didn’t take it that way.
No, man. You were right, I just wasn’t sure how to respond.
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Well, now I guess we’ll never know, because you fucking deleted it!
For real, it was a good post, and an acute observation. Having an addictive personality is a real thing.
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Yeah for those wondering my post was basically IANA Psychologist but your stories sound a lot to me like someone who likely has an addictive personality, which can have a lot of different causes. And it might be worth some sessions with an actual professional psychologist to try to help you with that.
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Be honest, before you clicked the link, how many of you thought I was gonna be that landlord guy extorting his tenant for sex then making her his sex slave, from the anonymous confessions thread?
Not trying to be insensitive, but do you want to die? Read the AMA on 2p2, and your habits sound like someone drawing thin to live to their mid 50s.
Got one live card, right?
I’m winging it, man. I don’t know.
I drank heavily for a decade. It didn’t add anything of value to my life, and ruined my relationship with the first woman I ever loved. It strained countless relationships with friends and family, got me two DUIs and ~$15K in legal fees, made me a miserable fat fuck, etc.
I agree that AA can be pretty cult-ish, and am not a regular attendee. I’ve found online communities where other addicts share their stories (like LFS’ original 2p2 thread) invaluable to my own journey.
I think posting in a recovery thread without any intention or desire to quit drinking is a bad look. FWIW.
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Thanks, man. That obviously came from the heart.
I did ask if it was OK for me to join this thread if I don’t want to quit, and it seemed like it was OK, but if people don’t want that sort of thing here, I’ll leave.