This is a classic thing I hear from problem drinkers a lot. (Not calling you one, just making an observation). Being uninhibited is not a good thing. There are good reasons we often don’t say the things we want to say.
When I was younger, I would pop off and say whatever came into my head. I mistook this for “honesty” when it was just immaturity and not realizing that just because you CAN say something, even if you’re 100% right, it is not always prudent to do so.
Hence, I am posting this in the alcohol thread.
I hear you. I can get a little chatty and confessional too.
Well if it’s okay, I just want to redirect you back to my question.
What is the impact of your behavior when drinking? This is different than your intentions and the actions you take to fulfill those intentions.
What is the impact of those actions?
For example: What was the impact of you choosing to say that–and choosing to say it with those words instead of a different approach–to your father?
You know you haven’t heard from him since then, so let’s go further. What else can you surmise without attempting to read his mind? What might you learn if you were in a position to have a healthy and productive conversation with him about it where you just seek to understand his experience of you?
My favorite slogan for it is:
“Don’t confuse being impulsive with being decisive.”
I’m not convinced that I’m particularly interested in un-fucking this situation.
I said that I’ve said and done things that I’m not sure I can take back. I didn’t say I want to.
I guess, yeah, I wanted him to listen. He hasn’t listened for 4 years, he’s not going to start now. I snapped a bit. The emails prior to that were 1), me calling him worse than a Hitler voter, and 2). when he didn’t respond to that, me telling him to go fuck himself.
Then he finally responded and said he was insulted by the Hitler voter comparison and that he wanted an apology. My response was “it was meant to be a fucking insult, which part of this are you not getting?”
Maybe I’m just a dick when I’m sober too, I just hide it better…
Your dad being who he is obviously plays into all this.
Sorry you weren’t dealt a better hand on the family front. I understand not trying to unfuck the situation regarding the rest of your relationships, you likely may not be able to between a combination of things — including who they are.
But it would be nice to get you to a point of wanting to unfuck yourself. There’s additional people in the world who care about you, you just haven’t met them yet.
We’re all a mix of things.
Losing your inhibitions goes along with the drinking, we all know this. My question is, at times do you feel remorse for your actions while still drunk?
I feel I would have handled many situations differently sober, yes. I’m also stubborn, so I guess I stick to my guns as to how I handled a particular situation. I guess we all who are experienced in the dark arts of being shitfaced know that feeling.
On the flip side, I feel I would have avoided a confrontation and harboured resentment if I hadn’t had the liquid courage to confront it.
My point is, if you waffle (before and after) on how you want to approach something while drunk means that’s still not the REAL you.
It’s just you impulsively caving to whatever you’re internally debating over instead of continuing to hold up a shield of indecision. Fuck it shoves basically. Doesn’t mean that’s your secret inside voice.
With me, I think it is, bro. I have that voice that just says “jam” every time I have a busted draw. You just got to evaluate the chances of how often you get called, and make the pot equity calculation from there. Yeah, I do that in life - sometimes, hard to jam without a bit of extra something, like drinking for 2 days, if it’s a big river decision.
I stand by my decisions. I haven’t spoken to my mom in 4 years as a result of a similar situation, and I feel I’m happier for it. Running out of parents to fuck off, though.
Yeah, I get it.
If you read my posts I’ve touched on the same thing. Might’ve been in pm so I’ll see and highlight.
Basically I got tired of dealing with the bullshit afterwards and focused on that instead of the upside that still brought a downside. Outside of the family dynamic and being limited by your past, do you have anything environmentally that necessitates the escape?
Yeah, I get that too.
I could go into my own stuff but it mirrors what you’re talking about.
Nothing I can really discuss in a public forum, no.
Seems like you’re in pain and the alcohol deludes you into momentary optimism that you can communicate the right things to make them be different people. (Along with more of a freedom to vent.)
That and/or you don’t like who you are and/or your self-worth so the alcohol let’s you escape everything in the moment and let’s you slowly kill yourself over time.
You may like yourself when drunk but everyone outside your circle in the real world prefers you sober. As long as one has some kind of moral compass, pretty much every thinking person enjoys an asshole with a sense of humor.
Hope you get tired of it soon bro.
None of this is wrong, except this part:
This may be true to some extent, but it’s not an absolute. I chose my friends and they chose me, and we like one another for our own reasons, but one of them is certainly not “being sober”. I didn’t choose my parents - they were foisted upon me.
They’re in your circle.
Sorry if phrased poorly.
Right, 2 people in my circle. In the Venn diagram of people I talk to, they are a small circle, now mostly outside it.